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Jul 31, 2017 13:29:22 GMT -5
JMX likes this
Post by shamwow on Jul 31, 2017 13:29:22 GMT -5
I think what I meant to say is - and many say it here too - if the sex part was fine, those petty frustrations are just that - petty. But without the connection (both physical and emotional) simpler things like how much housework is done on his part (for example) do not become such big deals. The absence of the connection escalates minor stuff. ^^^^^^^^^ Yup ^^^^^^^^^^ |
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Post by JMX on Jul 31, 2017 17:19:23 GMT -5
@daddeo - I think I understand what you are saying. No, I am not channeling sexual frustration into annoyances or frustrations with my husband. A quick poll of even happily married people will show that everyone gets annoyed or even frustrated with someone else. Hell, I get annoyed and frustrated with myself. Yes. I know how to make myself happy and content and it's not exactly what I am talking about. I am not white-knuckling this situation. I am not frustrated about the SM anymore - I have opportunities to leave, to cheat if I want to. I am not particularly fussed. I would, however, pose a question to you - for science! Instead of burying your (in general, not you specifically) head in distractions, hobbies, etc. in an effort to keep you from feeling frustrated about your own situation, how about sit with it and feel it? I would guess change comes more often from great pain, not fun hobbies  |
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Jul 31, 2017 17:50:41 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by shamwow on Jul 31, 2017 17:50:41 GMT -5
Fwiw, I channeled my anger and sexual frustrations into hobbies. I made new friends and developed new talents. Eventually, my husband became superfluous. I was no longer angry. I was indifferent to him. We had no sex and no emotional glue to keep us together. I divorced fairly painlessly because we were no longer in a real marriage. Our kids were grown and out of the house so unlike jmx, we no longer were bonded by child rearing. Sexual frustrations channeled into uh hobbies? And you have uh talents? Quite interesting... |
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Jul 31, 2017 21:26:14 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 31, 2017 21:26:14 GMT -5
I think there is nothing wrong with embracing the emotions and being present in the moment. At some point though, if that pattern of behavior starts to taint how you feel about life in general, then I think there is potential to enter a vicious cycle that is counter productive to general well being. That is what I understood by petty annoyances becomimg larger than they need to be. It doesnt have to be that way. One could channel the energy elewhere to shorten that cycle of anger and resentment. That was all I was trying to express. @daddeo - I think I understand what you are saying. No, I am not channeling sexual frustration into annoyances or frustrations with my husband. A quick poll of even happily married people will show that everyone gets annoyed or even frustrated with someone else. Hell, I get annoyed and frustrated with myself. Yes. I know how to make myself happy and content and it's not exactly what I am talking about. I am not white-knuckling this situation. I am not frustrated about the SM anymore - I have opportunities to leave, to cheat if I want to. I am not particularly fussed. I would, however, pose a question to you - for science! Instead of burying your (in general, not you specifically) head in distractions, hobbies, etc. in an effort to keep you from feeling frustrated about your own situation, how about sit with it and feel it? I would guess change comes more often from great pain, not fun hobbies |
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Post by JMX on Aug 3, 2017 22:24:47 GMT -5
I think there is nothing wrong with embracing the emotions and being present in the moment. At some point though, if that pattern of behavior starts to taint how you feel about life in general, then I think there is potential to enter a vicious cycle that is counter productive to general well being. That is what I understood by petty annoyances becomimg larger than they need to be. It doesnt have to be that way. One could channel the energy elewhere to shorten that cycle of anger and resentment. That was all I was trying to express. @daddeo - I think I understand what you are saying. No, I am not channeling sexual frustration into annoyances or frustrations with my husband. A quick poll of even happily married people will show that everyone gets annoyed or even frustrated with someone else. Hell, I get annoyed and frustrated with myself. Yes. I know how to make myself happy and content and it's not exactly what I am talking about. I am not white-knuckling this situation. I am not frustrated about the SM anymore - I have opportunities to leave, to cheat if I want to. I am not particularly fussed. I would, however, pose a question to you - for science! Instead of burying your (in general, not you specifically) head in distractions, hobbies, etc. in an effort to keep you from feeling frustrated about your own situation, how about sit with it and feel it? I would guess change comes more often from great pain, not fun hobbies I understand. Actually, more than you even know. I have been an unfortunate member here (here and EP) since (maybe?) 2014. So, while you may not have known that, I assure you I am fine. I am at as much "in peace" is allowed to the currently "staying" crowd and I can assure you, there is not much new you can tell me to try that I haven't already. I appreciate your input though! Thank you. Namaste. |
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