|
|
Post by ironhamster on Jul 19, 2017 15:20:13 GMT -5
laura, I love black rifles, too. They served as a distraction from the mess that my sex life was. I can't imagine them being a priority over it, though.
|
|
|
|
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 19, 2017 15:21:57 GMT -5
Hey laura . Good questions. Ones that I have been asking myself about. When we have had relationship conversations in the past, I always come out feeling frustrated because if feels like we talk past each other. I've even said during our discussions that we are on different frequencies and even though words are coming out, the end product feels like we are not communicating. It was frustrating for the both of us. How can two people in a relationship, experience things so differently. I guess its not silence but it may as well be. Like you said, the reasons may not matter. But that really is in the past. I've moved out of the bedroom and the relationship dynamic is completely different. We are now co-parenting and roommates. So its civil. Which is nice. I really value the peace because I don't like my kids to be exposed to negative relationship dynamics. Not that those dynamics should be ignored by any means, but it shouldn't be in front of the kids. That said, I see the "cease-fire" arrangement as a delay mechanism until we have further conversations about expectations, where we go next. I am not against healing and working on the relationship, but I can't help but feel highly skeptical. My perception of the relationship has changed and is changing. Im disconnecting. We have not had a discussion about the relationship recently. Im at that stage where I don't "trust" what she says. The best way I can describe it is that Im hyper vigilant of the mind-fuckery. So even if we were to talk, I think from my point of view it would be in one ear and out the other for me. And I suspect it would be the same for her. So how do we break the deadlock? Not sure if the deadlock breaks. Its possible that these two ship will continue to pass each other in the night moving further apart over time. In other words, moving further along the slippery slope of full blown SM. From my end, Im willing to sit down and have the discussion about expectations, needs and such. From her perspective, I think she is not ready yet emotionally, or she could be past the point of caring. I find it hard to understand her sometimes. You've mentioned that there are other toxic elements to the relationship. Have you tried to have those conversations only to be shut down or even punished for trying? That certainly seems to be a common experience, I just haven't heard you say much about it. I may be wrong in perceiving that silence is a major theme in your deal, but if it is then I wonder if you would be willing to expand on how you got there. Of course in the end the reasons may not matter. When you first started posting you seemed to see the situation as somewhat benign, and I can tell (I think you said it in another post) that your perception has changed a lot on that. Still, you seem to be one of the few here who actually had a really great sex life with your spouse for a long time. I can't imagine the grief and confusion you must have experienced when it started slipping away. |
|
laura
Junior Member
Posts: 72 
Age Range: 31-35
|
Post by laura on Jul 19, 2017 15:27:49 GMT -5
laura , I love black rifles, too. They served as a distraction from the mess that my sex life was. I can't imagine them being a priority over it, though. I'm not judging. It was just a snarky comment because I know he wouldn't be caught dead reading about relationships, feelings, or sex. Also, we had that hobby in common in the beginning. The difference is, after a match I'd be amped up for sex and he'd be pooped out. Also, he prefers to lay on the couch all night reading and watching youtube videos while I'm alone in bed. It is good to be reminded by the men here that most guys do have their priorities in order. |
|
|
|
Post by merrygoround on Jul 19, 2017 15:32:22 GMT -5
My now ex husband knew I was researching over the past few years about sexless/celibate marriages - he's a man who enjoys facts and statistics, not that it made any difference to him. I've no idea if he's tracked me down here and what's the worst he could do? Deny everything, back track? Yeah well, I'm used to that and it simply doesn't matter anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Jul 19, 2017 17:42:32 GMT -5
If my STBX read my posts she would have been energized. To add to the list of why I was never worthy of fucking. Despite that I don't care about that I've been a little more blunt about things so I hope she never reads it. I'm not vindictive.
|
|
|
|
Post by brian on Jul 19, 2017 19:00:28 GMT -5
I have made no secret of myself here. I haven't exactly sent my wife the url for this site, but she knows that I frequent an online SM forum. I don't even hide my name (I did on EP). I am who I am. I'm on here for me. If my roommate and legal spouse wants to check up on me here, so be it.
But... I do have a complication. My vindictive, rebellious 14yr old son (kid 3 of 4), found me here, made a fake profile, and then sent me a private message:
Need Some help you freak?
Gotta love kids!
|
|
|
|
Post by h on Jul 19, 2017 20:53:20 GMT -5
I haven't told my W about this site. I wouldn't have cared at first because I was near rock bottom anyway. Now, I hide it out of fear of what she would think about me sharing intimate details of our lives with strangers. I don't think I want to tell her about this place. That may change in the future but for now, I'll keep this to myself.
|
|
|
|
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 19, 2017 21:03:31 GMT -5
So interesting responses.
Runs the gamut of "no this is my safe place" to "I wouldnt mind if s/he looked".
Im probably going to go with I found a SM support site w/o going into details. I doubt she cares to look.
|
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on Jul 19, 2017 21:03:39 GMT -5
My W knows I am on here because I left the forum open on the laptop once. She refered to it as a sexless marriage club. I explained to her it was a forum by men and women who were suffering in an SM and were looking for answers.
She has never mentioned it since. If she were to read the posts here it would be obvious to her who I am. And I do not care since I have written only the truth of our relationship.
|
|
johannesfactotum
Junior Member
Behold the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it and ye shall see that it is barren
Posts: 42 
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by johannesfactotum on Jul 19, 2017 21:09:14 GMT -5
If she does, she'd never confront me about it, so I don't care. Even if she did work up the stones to confront me about it, I'd pretty much just rake her over the coals until she shuts the hell up. I get pretty vicious when she tries to assert any marriage-type duties or obligations in our relationship now and she's learned not to even try.
|
|
|
|
Post by nancyb on Jul 19, 2017 21:12:58 GMT -5
I never mentioned to my former refuser spouse that I had found this site. I am not ashamed of anything I have written and if he should somehow give a shit about a sexless marriage he would recognize me here. I don't care. Truth hurts sometimes.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jul 19, 2017 21:37:30 GMT -5
To the best of my knowledge Mrs baz never twigged about my membership of the old EP group.
If she had, and had a look around, it wouldn't have bothered me one bit.
I don't recall ever making dispariging or disrespectful comments about her.
|
|
|
|
Post by lyn on Jul 20, 2017 4:21:52 GMT -5
I haven't shared this site with my stbx well, because we share nothing really. If he were to find it and read my posts about him -us, I'm not even sure he would recognize himself in the postings that are obviously about him. You see, he is a man who seems to be hollow or void of any sense of self - completely unable to identify who he really is even to himself.
Kinda sad really.
If he ever showed a modicum of interest in my life online or irl, I'd show him - although he wouldn't - Doubtful we'll ever be under the same roof again so I don't think this will come up.
In case you're out there reading this Mr Lyn - go back a few months in postings - much juicier stuff there about you.
|
|
|
|
Post by twotimesone on Jul 20, 2017 10:16:46 GMT -5
I surf this website, as well as other websites that I want "walled off" using incognito mode using a different username. Maybe my wife found out when I forgot to close this browser window or something, but I don't care. I tried to confront her about different things that make me unhappy and she simply deflects it or blames me for something.
|
|
Moetse Tau
Junior Member
Posts: 87
Age Range: 41-45
|
Post by Moetse Tau on Jul 20, 2017 11:29:41 GMT -5
I used to be a lot more secretive about it, (username, incognito, making sure the screen shut off, etc.) Now, not so much, I still take precaution, but don't really try to hide it either.
Would she be upset? yes, a lot of what I have said, I have told her, but not quite so bluntly. But, it might open discussion.
Other things I have written about, such as the little bit of play I have had on the side, she would not take to very kindly, but probably wouldn't be surprised, as it seems to be something she expects. In a weird way, sometimes I feel she knows she is doing me wrong, but cant seem to get out of the loop. (or doesn't want to, and is waiting to catch me outsourcing, so I can be blamed legitimately)
|
|
