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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 17:49:09 GMT -5
Oh my god what a bullshitter he is. His type thinks they can mess with your head to manipulate you into staying. The idea of changing never occurs to them. Changing is hard, but he's not even trying. I'd say change -- real personal change -- is impossible unless forced irresistibly by an outside agent. Nobody changes themselves. |
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May 8, 2016 17:57:35 GMT -5
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Post by bballgirl on May 8, 2016 17:57:35 GMT -5
Changing is hard, but he's not even trying. I'd say change -- real personal change -- is impossible unless forced irresistibly by an outside agent. Nobody changes themselves. I agree. When I came to the realization that people don't change. That my husband is not going to magically want to have sex with me and give up slot machines then I decided I either had to accept this or not. Yes people don't change! |
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Post by unmatched on May 8, 2016 18:14:08 GMT -5
I'd say change -- real personal change -- is impossible unless forced irresistibly by an outside agent. Nobody changes themselves. I agree. When I came to the realization that people don't change. That my husband is not going to magically want to have sex with me and give up slot machines then I decided I either had to accept this or not. Yes people don't change! I don't know if that is completely true. If I think back to who I was when I was 20, I think there is a core personality which is similar but a lot of things have changed. Especially around relationships, I think what I want out of a relationship and particularly my awareness of what I want and the way I approach things has changed quite a bit. In fact in the last 2-3 years of going through the 'SM furnace', it has changed quite a lot. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 8, 2016 18:16:32 GMT -5
I'd say change -- real personal change -- is impossible unless forced irresistibly by an outside agent. Nobody changes themselves. I agree. When I came to the realization that people don't change. That my husband is not going to magically want to have sex with me and give up slot machines then I decided I either had to accept this or not. Yes people don't change! Just to add to that a bit. People do change. Look at many of us, however, think of what we endured. A few things that make people " change", manipulation, coercion, fear, greed, lust, power, addictions,weakness, mental and physical health, isolation, defamation, etc... Not a very positive list! Once you realize these things are very real in your life, there is change that will occur, you will take ground, endure the battle, and find your peace and joy! ( you'r spouse may some day thank you, ( doubt it!) for helping them as well) |
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 18:45:09 GMT -5
Just to add to that a bit. People do change. Look at many of us, however, think of what we endured. A few things that make people " change", manipulation, coercion, fear, greed, lust, power, addictions,weakness, mental and physical health, isolation, defamation, etc... Not a very positive list! Once you realize these things are very real in your life, there is change that will occur, you will take ground, endure the battle, and find your peace and joy! ( you'r spouse may some day thank you, ( doubt it!) for helping them as well) I don't know if that is completely true. If I think back to who I was when I was 20, I think there is a core personality which is similar but a lot of things have changed. Especially around relationships, I think what I want out of a relationship and particularly my awareness of what I want and the way I approach things has changed quite a bit. In fact in the last 2-3 years of going through the 'SM furnace', it has changed quite a lot. The change you both mention -- most of it -- is FORCED by the outside agency of your refusing wife. I wouldn't call learning real change. That's more like putting additional information into a program for it to work with. And if you're CAPABLE of learning, then learning's what you do. I know folks that are either arrogant, stupid, or otherwise closed minded. Learning for them would be a change because it's not what they are. The things I've seen change people are: Incarceration: But most can even resist this. Threat of Death/Near Death: When the doctor tells you to quit "X", that can change you. Some not even that. God: AA is my primary experience with this, but I've seen others, frequently combined with one of these other items. Divorce: JMX, if anything is going to force growth on your husband, this is probably it. These kinds of traumatic experiences are what it takes to make a person seriously evaluate his world view. Apart from this organic personal "Deep Dive", it seems to me that most folks fake or feign change to get the would be change agent off their back. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 9, 2016 11:49:29 GMT -5
I agree. When I came to the realization that people don't change. That my husband is not going to magically want to have sex with me and give up slot machines then I decided I either had to accept this or not. Yes people don't change! Just to add to that a bit. People do change. Look at many of us, however, think of what we endured. A few things that make people " change", manipulation, coercion, fear, greed, lust, power, addictions,weakness, mental and physical health, isolation, defamation, etc... Not a very positive list! Once you realize these things are very real in your life, there is change that will occur, you will take ground, endure the battle, and find your peace and joy! ( you'r spouse may some day thank you, ( doubt it!) for helping them as well) My spouse may learn from his mistakes about not taking the people you love for granted, he may have regrets because his life is no longer as easy and comfortable as I made it for him but he will never love a pussy more than he loves a slot machine. Said with the upmost respect.  Did I change? I'm not the same woman at 22 that I am at 44 my personality in some ways is more outgoing and I'm more confident however I am the same kind person overall. All of the things I liked at 22 from food to music to sex I still like the same stuff at 44. |
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May 9, 2016 15:29:46 GMT -5
Post by wewbwb on May 9, 2016 15:29:46 GMT -5
Changing is hard, but he's not even trying. I'd say change -- real personal change -- is impossible unless forced irresistibly by an outside agent. Nobody changes themselves. I do not agree. If people want to change- we will. |
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 15:41:44 GMT -5
I'd say change -- real personal change -- is impossible unless forced irresistibly by an outside agent. Nobody changes themselves. I do not agree. If people want to change- we will. Comfortable folks don't want to change. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 9, 2016 15:46:16 GMT -5
I do not agree. If people want to change- we will. Comfortable folks don't want to change. I agree with that. But a blanket statement that people don't change - I don't agree with. I have changed - and it was hard but at the end - I feel worth it. |
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May 9, 2016 15:58:41 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 15:58:41 GMT -5
Comfortable folks don't want to change. I agree with that. But a blanket statement that people don't change - I don't agree with. I have changed - and it was hard but at the end - I feel worth it. Blanket statements, generalizations, and probabilities are my thing. Don't have the capacity for all the specifics and exceptions. I don't recommend expecting unforced change in folks. |
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May 9, 2016 16:07:02 GMT -5
Post by wewbwb on May 9, 2016 16:07:02 GMT -5
Ok - as long as it's admittedly non specific.
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Post by DryCreek on May 10, 2016 16:38:33 GMT -5
... he will never love a pussy more than he loves a slot machine. Un-fucking-believable. This is a pitiful reflection on him. ManCard: Revoked! I would say this ranks right up there with comic books and video games, except that it had a very real financial impact on you, on top of the other side-effects. (Incidentally, about 10 years ago they built a casino three miles from my house. I still haven't been inside. You should have no problem finding guys immune to this addiction.) |
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Post by bballgirl on May 10, 2016 18:30:36 GMT -5
... he will never love a pussy more than he loves a slot machine. Un-fucking-believable. This is a pitiful reflection on him. ManCard: Revoked! I would say this ranks right up there with comic books and video games, except that it had a very real financial impact on you, on top of the other side-effects. (Incidentally, about 10 years ago they built a casino three miles from my house. I still haven't been inside. You should have no problem finding guys immune to this addiction.) I agree! I could never understand it either. Gambling addiction is just awful. I'm finally at peace and in control of things. |
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 18:56:11 GMT -5
Un-fucking-believable. This is a pitiful reflection on him. ManCard: Revoked! I would say this ranks right up there with comic books and video games, except that it had a very real financial impact on you, on top of the other side-effects. (Incidentally, about 10 years ago they built a casino three miles from my house. I still haven't been inside. You should have no problem finding guys immune to this addiction.) I agree! I could never understand it either. Gambling addiction is just awful. I'm finally at peace and in control of things. This amazing to me! A pussy is a much better slot! And I get a jackpot! |
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Post by bballgirl on May 10, 2016 18:58:10 GMT -5
I agree! I could never understand it either. Gambling addiction is just awful. I'm finally at peace and in control of things. This amazing to me! A pussy is a much better slot! And I get a jackpot! No shit! I can't tell you how many times I was alone in hotel casinos because he didn't come back to the room. Hotels are for fucking!! Uggh! |
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