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Post by nancyb on Jun 13, 2017 6:46:48 GMT -5
It's been almost 2 weeks since the move. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done and I cried bitter tears over the ending of my marriage and leaving my marital home even once I was moved into this beautiful old house. Its taking me some effort to make this my own space and it feels a lonely at times. Interestingly I am cooking all my old comfort foods in an attempt to feel homey here.
My former spouse came over to help me hang a picture and I gave him the house key back. I think its best if we maintain our distance for a while anyways. I was emotionally upset after seeing him.
Still trying to find my way. One foot in front of the other.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 13, 2017 7:01:37 GMT -5
It's tough and I understand.
Your head knows you made the right choice but your heart aches at times.
In time things get easier.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Jun 13, 2017 7:17:35 GMT -5
It is a difficult process. It took some time for me to feel comfortable in my new place.
I knew I needed out and it was the right decision, but change isn't always easy
It will get better in time. Be sure to take care of yourself and work on healing.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 13, 2017 7:25:34 GMT -5
It's tough to prepare one's self for this sort of life experience. After my X moved I felt a sense of relief from the anxiety and tension I experienced being in her presence. That feeling lasted about a week. Then I was suddenly in a funk and depressed about the loss of something that was important and that had occupied a significant part of my life. It will take some time to grieve for the loss and to address the reality of a new and different life without one's spouse. Take heart, this to shall pass.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 13, 2017 7:46:30 GMT -5
It's tough to prepare one's self for this sort of life experience. After my X moved I felt a sense of relief from the anxiety and tension I experienced being in her presence. That feeling lasted about a week. Then I was suddenly in a funk and depressed about the loss of something that was important and that had occupied a significant part of my life. It will take some time to grieve for the loss and to address the reality of a new and different life without one's spouse. Take heart, this to shall pass. Do you think this experience is different for men and women? I do know I'm trying to ease myself into the inevitable loneliness. I move out in 3 days but will be staying with my folks until my house is ready on July 1.duringvtgat that time the divorce will be finalized. My parents will also have cousins of mine visiting while on there. Once I move into my own place I'll have the kids. Basically I won't be alone until July 5 even though we are moving on Friday. Maybe I'm just avoiding the inevitable. Maybe I'm smart for planning things out. Who knows? It's the first time I've ever ripped everything in my life to shreds. Nancy you've got all of us pulling for you. You've got this! |
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Post by WindSister on Jun 13, 2017 8:14:05 GMT -5
Sounds like you are on a good path - it definitely takes time to grieve and build yourself up again. Stronger with time!
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 13, 2017 8:35:30 GMT -5
Feel it. All of it. And make delicious food. Move furniture as many times as you want. Have some platonic friends over (& others, if the opportunity presents).
Feelings don't break us (even when I think they might).
Settle in at your own pace & honor all of your feelings. The tidal waves settle down eventually.
It does hurt - a huge transition like this. But you will come through it.
Hang in there!
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Post by Caris on Jun 13, 2017 15:05:49 GMT -5
It's been almost 2 weeks since the move. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done and I cried bitter tears over the ending of my marriage and leaving my marital home even once I was moved into this beautiful old house. Its taking me some effort to make this my own space and it feels a lonely at times. Interestingly I am cooking all my old comfort foods in an attempt to feel homey here. My former spouse came over to help me hang a picture and I gave him the house key back. I think its best if we maintain our distance for a while anyways. I was emotionally upset after seeing him. Still trying to find my way. One foot in front of the other. I so feel for you, Nancy. I went through it 2-years ago, and it was awful. It took almost 2-years to enter another stage of healing. I'm still healing from it. Just take care of yourself the best you can. Cry when you need to cry. Sleep when you need to sleep. I found myself comfort eating for the first year or so. I only ate desserts once a year, but started eating them every day (I've stopped that now, thank God), and I gained weight (which I'm now losing again) which made me feel worse, but you do what you have to to get through the pain. Many here have been through that hell, and survived it, but it's damn hard, and deeply painful. We are with you. Hugs, love, and may you have strength to bear. You will come through it. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 13, 2017 23:50:36 GMT -5
nancyb it's all change isn't it. Scary, liberating, lonely, empowering... a massive mash up of mixed emotions. Feel them all Nanc. These feelings are serving a purpose and will serve to help You move onwards And upwards. Ride the coaster my lovely friend xxxx
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 13, 2017 23:52:58 GMT -5
Wow... GeekGoddess I swear I wasn't plagiarising you... we must just both have great minds .... and lots of love for nancyb  xx |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 14, 2017 5:52:35 GMT -5
"Do you think this experience is different for men and women? I do know I'm trying to ease myself into the inevitable loneliness."
I think that most people feel some loneliness after they separate from their spouse. However, men in general feel lonelier because most men's only good friend is their wife. Men, in general, share their troubles only with their spouse. Men in general don't talk personally with other men. They may play sports or have a beer with male buddies, but they don't talk about personal things with them. Also, in most marriages, the woman plans the couple's social life.
For men in those kind of traditional marriages or for women whose entire lives were built around their husbands and perhaps kids, yes, it will be very lonely when they separate. The loneliness can be eased by getting involved in activities through Meetup or by doing things with one's free time like volunteering for a cause one believes in. Volunteering helps the cause or group, of course, but it also is a wondeful way to help yourself. It's amazing what a boost in mood one experiences by feeling useful.
Divorce support groups also can help as can therapy. Therapy can help you rediscover yourself as an independent person. This can include helping you remember and pursue activities you may have given up during marriage because your spouse wasn't interested or because you thought that couples should do everything together.
What IMO is not a good way to deal with loneliness is to latch onto the first person who crosses your path who seems like a possible romantic partner. Your judgment is likely to be off, so you may end up going from one dysfunctional relationship to another, including to another relationship that ends up being intimacyless or exploitative. Desperation attracts predators.
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Post by itsjustus on Jun 15, 2017 15:56:24 GMT -5
nancyb it's all change isn't it. Scary, liberating, lonely, empowering... a massive mash up of mixed emotions. Feel them all Nanc. These feelings are serving a purpose and will serve to help You move onwards And upwards. Ride the coaster my lovely friend xxxx Hard to pick who to quote here.....eternaloptimism, bballgirl, misssunnybunny, worksforme2 or GeekGoddess! They're all right! It's tough. A HUGE mix of emotions. Allowing myself to feel them, all of them, is the only way I think I got thru them. That's tough to do, some are really painful, but it worked for me. One foot in front of the other......indeed. |
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Post by tamara68 on Jun 16, 2017 16:16:52 GMT -5
Best wishes for you. It is tough but you are strong and you have made a promising start of a new life.
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Post by nancyb on Jul 11, 2017 9:16:06 GMT -5
Its been almost 6 weeks since the move and in that time I have successfully made my new house my home. I arrived through the door last night after work and immediately felt YES this is my place and I'm home. My former spouse and I continue to have a phone chat once a week and last week we had dinner together. At first it was to resolve some of our ongoing legal and financial issues but now we are 2 friends meeting to catch up with each others lives. He's very supportive about my new life as I am for his. I can't believe what a good job we have done navigating through this last year and salvaging a friendship out of the mess of our SM has not been easy or even necessary especially as we don't have children. I am grateful for our time together and ever more grateful to be apart now. I miss some of the financial freedom I had while married but I am working full-time and able to pay my bills and live a fairly comfortable lifestyle so I am fortunate. It feels liberating and a little scary to be going it on my own. I have not been 'single' since I was 15 years old. I married my high school sweetheart and divorced him to go immediately to my second marriage which ended sexlessly after 29 years. I don't have a clue about dating or even how to break up with a guy. LOL So I have appreciated all the support. Truly. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 11, 2017 10:47:38 GMT -5
nancyb, I wish I could "Like" this post x 100
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xx
