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And Done
May 27, 2017 7:30:13 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by rdp62 on May 27, 2017 7:30:13 GMT -5
First time here. So done, beyond hurt. No sex is one thing but final straw was I asked to take me to emergency room (another story had been awake 24 hours and having sharp chest pains) and she said I could wait would be fine. I don't care what she says or does at this point. Will start separating finances today and look for a lawyer I can't believe I am typing this...
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Post by greatcoastal on May 27, 2017 7:38:16 GMT -5
Welcome! You will find much support here on your new quest. Others have experienced the same situation. Then there are other stories that amount to the same thing. Selfish, manipulative control.
It comes down to ,another nail in the coffin, another major tipping point, when is enough, enough? We all have different levels and different stories.
Fortunately your FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) has been lifted.
Glad you came out okay. Time to start gaining ground and finding your joy!
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Post by worksforme2 on May 27, 2017 7:52:05 GMT -5
Perfectly understandable your posting this. At the old EP site one of the terms frequently used was "deal breaker status". When events or things finally reach the point that you conclude whatever the situation might be outside the marriage, it can't be any worse than staying in the marriage, and the relationship has to be ended. You appear to have reached "deal breaker status".
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Post by northstarmom on May 27, 2017 8:04:46 GMT -5
First time here. So done, beyond hurt. No sex is one thing but final straw was I asked to take me to emergency room (another story had been awake 24 hours and having sharp chest pains) and she said I could wait would be fine. I don't care what she says or does at this point. Will start separating finances today and look for a lawyer I can't believe I am typing this... Sounds like you are smarter than I was. I remember going to the hospital with chest pains. Red flag: I called a friend to take me, not my refuser husband because I felt she would be more supportive. Red flag 2 -- My friend called my husband, and he came. He was supportive while the doctors talked about doing tests for heart disease. But when the doctor said to me, "I don't think you have heart disease. I think you are showing signs of serious depression," my husband said to the doctor, "Are you from Canada? Sounds like a Canadian accent. My mom is from Canada." When the doctor left the room, I said to my husband, "Either we go into marital counseling or I want a divorce." Unfortunately, I didn't realize that what my husband had done --totally checked out from my feelings -- was what he had been doing throughout our marriage, including about sex. We went into therapy, but he did nothing in it: came late, rambled about things that had nothing to do with us. When we went away for what was supposed to be an opportunity to rekindle our sex life, he manufactured an excuse to stop talking to me. So, of course, we didn't have sex. It was 7 years after I went to the hospital that I finally filed for divorce. It was final a year later. I'm glad I'm out. In fact, the minute I decided to divorce, I felt happier. A big load had been lifted off my heart. I'm just sorry that unlike you, it took me so long to leave. Wishing you the best! This is a great support group! You also are fortunate to have this support while you're going through a divorce. I didn't find ILIASM's predecessor until a week after my divorce was final. |
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Post by baza on May 27, 2017 18:40:13 GMT -5
First time here. So done, beyond hurt. No sex is one thing but final straw was I asked to take me to emergency room (another story had been awake 24 hours and having sharp chest pains) and she said I could wait would be fine. I don't care what she says or does at this point. Will start separating finances today and look for a lawyer I can't believe I am typing this... Consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction FIRST Brother rdp62To make sure this separation of finances is legal. |
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on May 27, 2017 19:56:59 GMT -5
Chest pains are serious.
You should always consult a professional if you are experiencing chest pain. Brushing off such an event as "it will pass" is appalling. Absolute minimum os to speak with a nurse at your physicians office, even in the middle of the night you can reach a nurse free of charge.
I hope you have success in escaping what sounds like an insensitive partner, I just really wanted to put that out there.
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Post by bballgirl on May 28, 2017 15:04:08 GMT -5
Welcome and I'm sorry you are here.
A lot of times it's the other behaviors our refusers do that open our eyes to reality.
For me, hearing the words "you disgust me" - made me realize that he doesn't love me.
Actions do speak louder than words and a person that will not care for their spouse does not deserve the benefits that come with being married.
Talk to an attorney and figure out what you want for yourself.
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Post by rdp62 on May 28, 2017 15:57:11 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your thoughts...it helps to know I am not alone but sorry so many people are in this situation
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Post by snowman12345 on May 28, 2017 19:25:34 GMT -5
First time here. So done, beyond hurt. No sex is one thing but final straw was I asked to take me to emergency room (another story had been awake 24 hours and having sharp chest pains) and she said I could wait would be fine. I don't care what she says or does at this point. Will start separating finances today and look for a lawyer I can't believe I am typing this... Does she have a medical degree? Chest pain, abdominal pain, arm pain, sudden shortness of breath - all equal a trip to the ER. She sounds pretty cold blooded to me. I wouldn't let her be my healthcare proxy!
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Post by hopingforachange on May 28, 2017 19:57:53 GMT -5
First time here. So done, beyond hurt. No sex is one thing but final straw was I asked to take me to emergency room (another story had been awake 24 hours and having sharp chest pains) and she said I could wait would be fine. I don't care what she says or does at this point. Will start separating finances today and look for a lawyer I can't believe I am typing this... Does she have a medical degree? Chest pain, abdominal pain, arm pain, sudden shortness of breath - all equal a trip to the ER. She sounds pretty cold blooded to me. I wouldn't let her be my healthcare proxy!
That's just ripe for the question, how much is your life insurance for. |
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Post by rdp62 on May 29, 2017 11:34:37 GMT -5
Chest pains are serious. You should always consult a professional if you are experiencing chest pain. Brushing off such an event as "it will pass" is appalling. Absolute minimum os to speak with a nurse at your physicians office, even in the middle of the night you can reach a nurse free of charge. I hope you have success in escaping what sounds like an insensitive partner, I just really wanted to put that out there. Chest pains were caused by being in xanax withdrawal doctor and pharmacy made mistakes and couldn't refill in time Xanax wears off in only a few hours and then get really sick, suggestion to everyone don't take until you read xanax withdrawal you probably won't start it if you do. I didn't find out how bad it was until too late. Now working off xanax slowly as needs to be done. Not just chest pains was in withdrawal and C-PTSD seizures at the same time. Thanks everyone for your thoughts sometimes get so screwed up mentally don't know what's right or normal. |
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Post by rdp62 on May 29, 2017 11:36:28 GMT -5
Welcome and I'm sorry you are here. A lot of times it's the other behaviors our refusers do that open our eyes to reality. For me, hearing the words "you disgust me" - made me realize that he doesn't love me. Actions do speak louder than words and a person that will not care for their spouse does not deserve the benefits that come with being married. Talk to an attorney and figure out what you want for yourself. I am so sorry you were told that unfortunately I understand what that is like Hugs Rick |
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And Done
May 29, 2017 11:38:25 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by bballgirl on May 29, 2017 11:38:25 GMT -5
Welcome and I'm sorry you are here. A lot of times it's the other behaviors our refusers do that open our eyes to reality. For me, hearing the words "you disgust me" - made me realize that he doesn't love me. Actions do speak louder than words and a person that will not care for their spouse does not deserve the benefits that come with being married. Talk to an attorney and figure out what you want for yourself. I am so sorry you were told that unfortunately I understand what that is like Hugs Rick Thank you |
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Post by rdp62 on May 29, 2017 11:47:50 GMT -5
I am so sorry you were told that unfortunately I understand what that is like Hugs Rick Thank you That is worse than not love that is emotional abuse. I hope you have a lot of support if you can't leave the situation and know it's not true. |
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And Done
May 29, 2017 11:55:28 GMT -5
via mobile
rdp62 likes this
Post by bballgirl on May 29, 2017 11:55:28 GMT -5
That is worse than not love that is emotional abuse. I hope you have a lot of support if you can't leave the situation and know it's not true. Thank you. You are right it was emotional and verbal abuse. It was a wake up call for me. I moved out and got a divorce in 2016. My life is happier and better now. |
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