Warning! Martinis tonight!
May 11, 2017 0:28:02 GMT -5
via Tapatalk
thefullmoon, GeekGoddess, and 11 more like this
Post by JMX on May 11, 2017 0:28:02 GMT -5
I have languished here for years. Parts of me loves it here. Parts of me. I love most all of the people here. I get you. I love that you get me, too.
I came close to getting out of my ILIASM. I was three lawyers deep, two serious appointments with the third. I let off the gas. Currently knee-deep in counseling.
I have learned a lot.
What have you learned, JMX?
I have learned and accepted that I cannot change anyone but myself. That sounds simple, but it's true. I still have a lot to work, but what is important is - the things I have worked on have empowered me.
I was the majority breadwinner in my home. I spent my days lamenting that my husband didn't work at some points, and didn't carry any of the load at home. I was so busy worrying about what he WASN'T doing, I forgot what I could do. I am pretty amazing!
I switched jobs to make myself more financially secure. It has paid off! I now am currently on track to make 3x what I have on my best year. I will be out of debt except for my mortgage note by late summer. What seemed insurmountable last year, I quickly took care of with my experience and good market timing. And, I have so much more on the horizon, I cannot be anything but thankful and happy. I work long hours and I am tired, but I go to bed happy!
My kids are amazing. I have two beautiful girls who are wonderfully smart, quirky and so different from each other - they keep me on my toes every day. I don't deserve how easy they are, though. Seriously, easy-peasy and my best friends in the world (and I am NOT that mom).
I still do the majority of everything - don't get me wrong. I cook (mostly, sometimes it's takeout) I clean (when I can), I do the majority of the yard work although I have hired someone to mow and edge the lawn. They also commit crape murder which make me so happy. I cannot wait to see how my pool progresses as I hire it out to someone quicker than my husband. I also handle the budget, the girls, their school, family birthdays (even his family) and get-togethers. All in all? Not much has changed on this front. I still handle almost everything. I am just not mad about it anymore.
The sex? We are back from once a quarter to once a month. Each encounter reminds me of how I got here. I never get off. It's over too soon and I always want more. I feel insatiable - all the time and it's never alleviated. I get opportunities and I turn them down- for one reason or another but mostly, because it's never the perfect situation. It feels wrong with them and because I am married. I have moments I get over that, but they don't last long enough for me to actually follow through.
Our communication and emotional intimacy has improved somewhat. I attribute this to counseling. I did not think it would work. I went in thinking it was over and this was my last dying gasp. It wasn't.
I picked my husband for a reason, I think. My father was a doer. He did everything. He can do anything. But, he cheated on my mother. She is not a refuser - btw. I think I subconsciously picked someone that would not cheat on me. I see it in my sister too ( a little differently). This is an entirely long story already so I won't bore you with those details.
We went on a family camping trip Easter weekend. At the same time, I drank beer and sat on the screen porch. I read a post from cagedtiger - about making your STBX's Tinder profile. I started with my usual snark about how love for dragons and fairies and elves could at least put you to sleep, if you're not into it. I tried for two sentences of snark while I watched him build the fire for his family to roast hotdogs and marshmallows. He was so intent, he studied every angle and I was enthralled watching him. I lost my ability for snark and put my phone away. He planned every part of that trip. I don't give him enough credit. And I didn't when he unfroze the HVAC, or fixed the electrical problem in the pool pump, or trenched the front yard and fixed a WATER MAIN LEAK. He got skills.
And I have been an absolute bitch about him here.
Does it still work? I don't think so. I need more. Just my personality.
But I have simultaneously learned that he is amazing too, as am I, as well as knowing that I was desperate for him last year and I am not this year. It doesn't hurt anymore. I am indifferent for all but the girls.
I understand stay and cheat now. I have finally come to the conclusion that it *could* work.
So... that's my update. Not much of one, but here it was. 180 turn, to 180 turn, and oddly, enough at 270 now - with a new-found love for a 90 degree option.
I came close to getting out of my ILIASM. I was three lawyers deep, two serious appointments with the third. I let off the gas. Currently knee-deep in counseling.
I have learned a lot.
What have you learned, JMX?
I have learned and accepted that I cannot change anyone but myself. That sounds simple, but it's true. I still have a lot to work, but what is important is - the things I have worked on have empowered me.
I was the majority breadwinner in my home. I spent my days lamenting that my husband didn't work at some points, and didn't carry any of the load at home. I was so busy worrying about what he WASN'T doing, I forgot what I could do. I am pretty amazing!
I switched jobs to make myself more financially secure. It has paid off! I now am currently on track to make 3x what I have on my best year. I will be out of debt except for my mortgage note by late summer. What seemed insurmountable last year, I quickly took care of with my experience and good market timing. And, I have so much more on the horizon, I cannot be anything but thankful and happy. I work long hours and I am tired, but I go to bed happy!
My kids are amazing. I have two beautiful girls who are wonderfully smart, quirky and so different from each other - they keep me on my toes every day. I don't deserve how easy they are, though. Seriously, easy-peasy and my best friends in the world (and I am NOT that mom).
I still do the majority of everything - don't get me wrong. I cook (mostly, sometimes it's takeout) I clean (when I can), I do the majority of the yard work although I have hired someone to mow and edge the lawn. They also commit crape murder which make me so happy. I cannot wait to see how my pool progresses as I hire it out to someone quicker than my husband. I also handle the budget, the girls, their school, family birthdays (even his family) and get-togethers. All in all? Not much has changed on this front. I still handle almost everything. I am just not mad about it anymore.
The sex? We are back from once a quarter to once a month. Each encounter reminds me of how I got here. I never get off. It's over too soon and I always want more. I feel insatiable - all the time and it's never alleviated. I get opportunities and I turn them down- for one reason or another but mostly, because it's never the perfect situation. It feels wrong with them and because I am married. I have moments I get over that, but they don't last long enough for me to actually follow through.
Our communication and emotional intimacy has improved somewhat. I attribute this to counseling. I did not think it would work. I went in thinking it was over and this was my last dying gasp. It wasn't.
I picked my husband for a reason, I think. My father was a doer. He did everything. He can do anything. But, he cheated on my mother. She is not a refuser - btw. I think I subconsciously picked someone that would not cheat on me. I see it in my sister too ( a little differently). This is an entirely long story already so I won't bore you with those details.
We went on a family camping trip Easter weekend. At the same time, I drank beer and sat on the screen porch. I read a post from cagedtiger - about making your STBX's Tinder profile. I started with my usual snark about how love for dragons and fairies and elves could at least put you to sleep, if you're not into it. I tried for two sentences of snark while I watched him build the fire for his family to roast hotdogs and marshmallows. He was so intent, he studied every angle and I was enthralled watching him. I lost my ability for snark and put my phone away. He planned every part of that trip. I don't give him enough credit. And I didn't when he unfroze the HVAC, or fixed the electrical problem in the pool pump, or trenched the front yard and fixed a WATER MAIN LEAK. He got skills.
And I have been an absolute bitch about him here.
Does it still work? I don't think so. I need more. Just my personality.
But I have simultaneously learned that he is amazing too, as am I, as well as knowing that I was desperate for him last year and I am not this year. It doesn't hurt anymore. I am indifferent for all but the girls.
I understand stay and cheat now. I have finally come to the conclusion that it *could* work.
So... that's my update. Not much of one, but here it was. 180 turn, to 180 turn, and oddly, enough at 270 now - with a new-found love for a 90 degree option.
