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Post by unhappilyisolated on Apr 3, 2017 5:39:37 GMT -5
I have been in a sexless marriage for 10 years now and when I say sexless marriage I mean totally sexless, totally hands off, totally no touching of any kind, we have not even slept in the same room for 10 years. So now I have admitted it to people I don't know, who don't know me, and I'm sure most people would wonder why do I stay?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2017 5:43:11 GMT -5
I have been in a sexless marriage for 10 years now and when I say sexless marriage I mean totally sexless, totally hands off, totally no touching of any kind, we have not even slept in the same room for 10 years. So now I have admitted it to people I don't know, who don't know me, and I'm sure most people would wonder why do I stay? I am sorry you find yourself here. It seems inappropriate to welcome anyone here. But I hope you find some support here. I am relatively new myself but I can assure you it is a warm friendly and supportive crowd here. Make yourself comfortable |
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Post by unhappilyisolated on Apr 3, 2017 6:18:31 GMT -5
Thank you!
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Post by thefullmoon on Apr 3, 2017 6:24:58 GMT -5
I have been in a sexless marriage for 10 years now and when I say sexless marriage I mean totally sexless, totally hands off, totally no touching of any kind, we have not even slept in the same room for 10 years. So now I have admitted it to people I don't know, who don't know me, and I'm sure most people would wonder why do I stay? Welcome! Though the origin of this forum is very sad, people here are warm, friendly and very supportive. 99% arrive here initially with the same story "I am married to the best man/woman in the universe and if my marriage was not sexless it would be perfect" So, why do you stay? |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 3, 2017 6:48:06 GMT -5
Most people may wonder, but most on the forum actually get it b/c most of us have also stayed (varying lengths of time).
Welcome to the group that none of us had on our goals list.
Everyone has different reasons for staying "past the shelf life" of the healthy parts of a relationship.
When I found the group, I still sang that chorus "everything's great, bar the sex" but I read a lot of backstories & found out that wasn't actually true.
Check out the Resources section & the SM Issues portions of the forum. If it gets too heavy, look into the Lighter Side threads for some comic relief (& some gallows humor).
I hope you'll find the support you need to help you navigate your situation & come to a point of owning your life choices, no matter what they be.
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Post by baza on Apr 3, 2017 6:52:21 GMT -5
". . . and I'm sure most people would wonder why do I stay?" you say Brother unhappilyisolated FWIW, most people in dysfunctional ILIASM shitholes stay in them, so numerically, you are in the majority. And "stayers" invariably have their reasons for choosing this course of inaction. Much of the discourse here is putting those reasons under critical examination, to test their veracity, to put them under the microscope, and to explore alternatives. But at the end of the day it's your call. Staying is a perfectly valid choice Cheating is just as valid a choice Divorcing is just as valid as the other two. But whatever you choose, you own. |
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 3, 2017 7:17:55 GMT -5
Welcome to the club nobody wants to be in.
So sorry you have found yourself here but you are in great company.
We are very supportive and we get it.
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Post by shamwow on Apr 3, 2017 7:53:43 GMT -5
1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years?
A sexless marriage sucks no matter the duration. I'm at 20 myself and why have I stayed? Lots of excuses come to mind, but only one real reason. Fear.
Well divorce process is in full swing now. On Friday we tell the kids. Talk about dread. And once out it won't be roses. I'll be rebooting my life at age 45. It will be a new set of fears.
But there will also be new opportunities. And I will have regained confidence from working through my fears rather than avoiding them. In the end it will make me a better man.
We understand this shit and you will find every situation you can imagine and some you can't. We all help each other though.
Welcome.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 3, 2017 8:00:38 GMT -5
Hello unhappilyisolated,....our newest member? As stated above all of us were or are in a S/M. Time lengths vary widely from not too long like me(6 yrs.) to those who have stuck it out for close to 30 yrs. The reasons why you stay and how long are yours. Here you will find not just empathy but perhaps some help in understanding yourself and what makes you stay. And be warned, sometimes you may find yourself on the receiving end of some "tough love". But that's what it is, love.
When you feel comfortable tell us more or just keep reading and take what you can or what you need from what is offered here.
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Post by Apocrypha on Apr 3, 2017 9:23:06 GMT -5
I have been in a sexless marriage for 10 years now and when I say sexless marriage I mean totally sexless, totally hands off, totally no touching of any kind, we have not even slept in the same room for 10 years. So now I have admitted it to people I don't know, who don't know me, and I'm sure most people would wonder why do I stay? Probably a safer bet that you are scrutinizing your own reasons for staying, and wondering how to frame this question, where to begin? I like to start at the beginning. What exactly are you staying in? Does it resemble a marriage? What is a marriage? If you were married, and then lived separately, perhaps in other countries, for work - would you describe that as a marriage? Either of you? What differentiates your arrangement from room mates, business partners, or ... from amicable ex-spouses? What does marriage bring to the table for you that is in addition to those other arrangements? Are you monogamous? Or are you celibate? What is the nature of your promise to each other - an oath of celibacy? It helps to get an authentic view of your lived reality and set it against your intention - even your mutual intention when getting married. Would either of you have signed up for that? |
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Post by allworkandnoplay on Apr 3, 2017 9:59:33 GMT -5
I'm glad you found us here. Hopefully you will at least find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. Read alot, and post when you are comfortable. Many here have come through to the other side (one way or another) and many of us are stuck in about the same place as you. Best to you.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2017 10:04:44 GMT -5
I have been in a sexless marriage for 10 years now and when I say sexless marriage I mean totally sexless, totally hands off, totally no touching of any kind, we have not even slept in the same room for 10 years. So now I have admitted it to people I don't know, who don't know me, and I'm sure most people would wonder why do I stay? Well, most people here will not question why you stayed. We have been in similar situations for many years just as you have. Please feel free to discuss, vent or cry here. We all understand and will not judge you. We have walked the same road. |
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Post by nancyb on Apr 3, 2017 11:41:54 GMT -5
Welcome unhappilyisolated. Hopefully the isolation component of your username will change with time spent here.
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Post by lyn on Apr 3, 2017 13:03:32 GMT -5
Hi unhappilyisolated- like many have already said - I'm sorry you've found yourself to be a member of our little "club" - but here's hoping you can take comfort in the fact that so many of us understand. We get you. The more you post and participate, hopefully the less isolated you will feel. Take care- |
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 3, 2017 16:06:06 GMT -5
Hi unhappilyisolated. I'm so sorry to tell you that you're in the right place, as we're all in similar circumstances. However, I'm happy to tell you that you're in the right place - because we all 'get it' (or don't get it, depending on the way you look at it), we don't feel the need to justify the way we feel. This is a great place for friendship and support, so no reason to feel isolated any more.
Cheers
Copernicus
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