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Post by TMD on Mar 30, 2016 9:44:49 GMT -5
Excuse me but isn't making love a major part of down time? I told my Roommate once that sex is a great stress relief. I was trying all angles, unsuccessfully, and predictably. |
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Post by TMD on Mar 30, 2016 9:52:16 GMT -5
I saw that video last year and I decided last year to file for divorce. It summarizes everything perfectly. Very emotional. Thanks for sharing that! The video is my reminder, whenever I had doubts about leaving the marriage. I no longer doubt the choice to leave. But that might be because it's taking me a while to get to that point. |
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Post by JMX on Mar 31, 2016 8:33:52 GMT -5
I did ask. His answer is "There is so much going on at work with the company that I can't just switch gears and turn off my brain. I need down time to do that and I don't get any down time" Excuse me but isn't making love a major part of down time? On your last post - I noted how much he says "down time". Sounds like my H. Annoying beyond belief. |
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Post by unmatched on Mar 31, 2016 18:17:42 GMT -5
I did ask. His answer is "There is so much going on at work with the company that I can't just switch gears and turn off my brain. I need down time to do that and I don't get any down time" Excuse me but isn't making love a major part of down time? On your last post - I noted how much he says "down time". Sounds like my H. Annoying beyond belief. I was chatting with my W last night, and she was asking how come I still feel like having sex if I am tired. She said for her sex is something she has to 'get up for', a bit like a social event. I was trying to explain that for me there is not that much difference between conversation, touch, making out and sex. Yes, they are all different, but they all feel like a similar kind of interaction dressed in different clothes. Sex isn't an event or a special occasion, it is just a natural ongoing interaction. Counselling starts in 2 weeks! |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 1, 2016 10:45:52 GMT -5
I did ask. His answer is "There is so much going on at work with the company that I can't just switch gears and turn off my brain. I need down time to do that and I don't get any down time" Excuse me but isn't making love a major part of down time? On your last post - I noted how much he says "down time". Sounds like my H. Annoying beyond belief. He feels guilty for being someone that needs to have his space. As we all know guilt can make you resentful. We would probably have a good sexual relationship if we didn't live together. His father was like that. After his wife died he had the same girlfriend for 30 years. They never lived together but they traveled together and shared a room. If I decide to stay married maybe a duplex is in our future. |
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Post by JMX on Apr 1, 2016 11:59:29 GMT -5
That's an interesting idea. Ha! However, he has been so mean to you Deedle! But, it does sound familiar. It's hard because if my H is like that too, which I suspect he is, it is dealbreaker status for me. I need to be on top of someone a lot - not all the time, but a lot.
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Post by TMD on Apr 1, 2016 20:24:27 GMT -5
I was chatting with my W last night, and she was asking how come I still feel like having sex if I am tired. She said for her sex is something she has to 'get up for', a bit like a social event. I was trying to explain that for me there is not that much difference between conversation, touch, making out and sex. Yes, they are all different, but they all feel like a similar kind of interaction dressed in different clothes. Sex isn't an event or a special occasion, it is just a natural ongoing interaction. Counselling starts in 2 weeks! Hmm. I really believe for the right partnership, it won't matter how tired or energetic you are. I have an AP and I'm often beyond exhausted, and yet, we manage to connect intimately. Wishing you the best with counseling. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 2, 2016 14:56:16 GMT -5
The more I think about this song, the more annoyed I get. WTF! So if the woman HAD ONLY ASKED he would have ............what? Arrrrrrg!
Where is my igniter?
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Post by TMD on Apr 2, 2016 17:50:57 GMT -5
Lol. Deedle, I think that is the point.
He put it on her,when he was responsible for putting her off.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2016 10:18:59 GMT -5
Maybe the point of the song isn't so gender specific. I was thinking the point had more to do with simple apathy and hardness of heart. Not wanting to be the one that expresses the vulnerability of "Need".
I'm pretty sure most of these problems start with simple human insecurity, which leads to apathy, and culminates in heels dug in hardening of the heart in the name of "Self-Preservation".
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Post by deborahmanning on Apr 7, 2016 20:35:23 GMT -5
This song makes me angry, and not for the reasons most listeners seem to share; here's my contrarian take:
WHY did the singer move in with him in the first place, let alone marry him? There isn't a particle of evidence in the lyrics that he felt any sexual attraction to her, at any time. Friends sharing a sleeping bag in an unheated room of a party house -- that's not sexy! His lips in her hair don't convey anything but cuddling and a lack of space. Whose idea was it to share an apartment? If they already "don't do that anymore" as they are just moving in together, WHY stick around and keep upgrading the decor? Even when they buy a NEW bed his main concern is whether the covers are arranged nicely!
I think he's gay, or asexual, and she's bought into the idea that she can change him, reform him. Closeted gay guys still exist. I hear this song and get so furious that she is just waiting passively for him to reach out... she will never ask the key questions that would get her an actual answer, because that means she would have to unpick all her decisions and realise she should have been living ALONE. A partner is not a pacifier. She should have asked him.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2016 22:49:26 GMT -5
This song makes me angry, and not for the reasons most listeners seem to share; here's my contrarian take: WHY did the singer move in with him in the first place, let alone marry him? There isn't a particle of evidence in the lyrics that he felt any sexual attraction to her, at any time. Friends sharing a sleeping bag in an unheated room of a party house -- that's not sexy! His lips in her hair don't convey anything but cuddling and a lack of space. Whose idea was it to share an apartment? If they already "don't do that anymore" as they are just moving in together, WHY stick around and keep upgrading the decor? Even when they buy a NEW bed his main concern is whether the covers are arranged nicely! I think he's gay, or asexual, and she's bought into the idea that she can change him, reform him. Closeted gay guys still exist. I hear this song and get so furious that she is just waiting passively for him to reach out... she will never ask the key questions that would get her an actual answer, because that means she would have to unpick all her decisions and realise she should have been living ALONE. A partner is not a pacifier. She should have asked him. I keep forgetting to focus that much. But D, what you just stated is what I think about 90% of the "Relationships" I come across. What are they thinking? What do they hope to accomplish? |
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Post by TMD on Apr 7, 2016 22:58:23 GMT -5
deborahmanning , IDK. Is it possible for the songwriter to get all of the nuances right in a song? "Lips in hair," to me, is very intimate. Not sure I have ever experienced that with my roommate. As for why they upgraded decor, etc., haven't we all done that? I've been going through the motions in my marriage for almost the entirety. For someone, I thought things would change.
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Post by JMX on Apr 10, 2016 9:39:02 GMT -5
Yeah - Deborah - I don't see what you are saying. This song absolutely makes me think about my own relationship. It was hot in the beginning. It petered out.
She is showing that when you are poor and in love, it is sweet and tender. But, life and the pursuit of "things" got in the way of what they started.
As for he not getting to the bottom of it - well, there are many here who never have "The Talk" and passively wait for things to change. I don't personally understand that because I want to rehash everything, but that is just my way. I still can look at the video and listen to the song and have the basic take-away: they lost what they had. Many here never had "it" so I can see where those might not understand it.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 10, 2016 11:36:27 GMT -5
Then there are those of us who have started to rehash everything after reading what others say about there SM. We realize that even in the beginning of our marriage, our sexual relationship was neutered from the start!" Yet we were living in the theory of " this is love, there is so much more, I'm just being selfish, I took a pledge to make my spouse happy, and on, and on...." |
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