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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 30, 2017 15:20:37 GMT -5
I'm reading a novel about parallel universes. It made me think.
I like to imagine, in some parallel universe, I had refused to marry my first husband. In this parallel universe I realized that I felt uneasy about marrying him. I trusted myself. I walked away. I did not give birth to a son, I did not experience the violence of his abuse, I did not take my baby and run for my life. The me in the parallel universe finished college and started a career.
I know there is no such me in any universe in which my parents married and produced me and my siblings. Things beyond my control shaped me into who I am. I doubt that a parallel me would escape the domestic violence i experienced in my first marriage. I doubt that a parallel me married her soul mate and lived happily ever after. I am who I am.
Without the experiences of my childhood and what i experienced in my first marriage, would I have married my current husband? Would I have been drawn to the comfort and safety he offered me?
In a a parallel universe, did I leave my safe but sexless marriage years ago when I became aware of what was missing? I wonder if the me in another universe is better off alone. I wonder if the reason I stayed in this sexless marriage in this universe is because it didn't go well for me in some other universe. Is that gut feeling or Deja vu a warning or guidance from the parallel universes? Something is keeping me here.
Sometimes it's kind of fun to mess with your own head.
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Post by Copernicus on Mar 30, 2017 16:00:16 GMT -5
Rhapsodee - I'm quite new here so I apologize for not knowing the details of your situation, but are you still being physically abused? If so, you MUST do something. Please.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 30, 2017 16:16:26 GMT -5
Rhapsodee - I'm quite new here so I apologize for not knowing the details of your situation, but are you still being physically abused? If so, you MUST do something. Please. No no! It was my first marriage. No abuse on this marriage unless you count the sexless part. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Mar 30, 2017 23:07:33 GMT -5
Mind. Blown.
I like the thought exercise!
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 30, 2017 23:17:47 GMT -5
Whoa. Now I'm going to be busy tonight going through LOTS of scenarios!  |
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Post by solodriver on Mar 31, 2017 0:33:04 GMT -5
Yes, thinking about in another universe, I wouldn't have married my ex wife and then I wouldn't have met my current wife and married her. I guess I would have been a loner.
But I know that a lot of fun experiences came from getting married and divorced to my ex so I may have missed those opportunities also. But I'd like to think that other fun experiences would have taken their place.
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Post by Copernicus on Mar 31, 2017 9:14:33 GMT -5
Rhapsodee - I'm quite new here so I apologize for not knowing the details of your situation, but are you still being physically abused? If so, you MUST do something. Please. No no! It was my first marriage. No abuse on this marriage unless you count the sexless part. Apologies - my misunderstanding. Just wanted to make sure you were safe!! |
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Post by Copernicus on Mar 31, 2017 9:20:42 GMT -5
In my parallel universe, I'm losing my hair, have daily battles to keep my nasal and ear hair in check, have a flabby stomach and a wife who'd rather watch TV than do anything, and avoid sex at all costs. Oh wait... No. THat's this one. My bad!
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Post by shamwow on Mar 31, 2017 14:11:38 GMT -5
Ok, some Pink Floyd seems appropriate here....
All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy
beg, borrow or steal
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say
All that you eat
everyone you meet
All that you slight
everyone you fight
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.
There is no dark side of the moon really.
Matter of fact it's all dark.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2017 20:18:27 GMT -5
I often wonder how my life would have been different if I had made different decisions at certain points.
When I think about it too much I start to feel like I've messed up my own life through sheer stupidity. So, I try not to think about it much.
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Post by dinnaken on Apr 1, 2017 5:18:51 GMT -5
Folks,
Yes this is fun but only in small doses; ultimately, doesn't madness lie down this route?
'If only' the two saddest words in the English language.
We all make choices - and those of us here have, between us, made some spectacularly bad ones but...
We can still make choices, we can still take decisions; even if in only small ways, we can effect change in our lives and perhaps nudge our lives towards one of those happier 'parallel' futures where, lessons learnt, we can be more content.
Sod it, I'm logging out, I'm off out for a walk and then round to a friend's house...
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Post by shamwow on Apr 1, 2017 6:28:18 GMT -5
Folks, Yes this is fun but only in small doses; ultimately, doesn't madness lie down this route? 'If only' the two saddest words in the English language. We all make choices - and those of us here have, between us, made some spectacularly bad ones but... We can still make choices, we can still take decisions; even if in only small ways, we can effect change in our lives and perhaps nudge our lives towards one of those happier 'parallel' futures where, lessons learnt, we can be more content. Sod it, I'm logging out, I'm off out for a walk and then round to a friend's house... Some of our choices were bad. Some of our choices were made based on a lie (for example I was baited and switched right AFTER I said I do). The parallel worlds thing is a fun thought exercise but in the end it is our decisions and actions in their here and now,this present moment, that shape us. My marriage started 20 years ago based on a lie. I didn't know it was a lie then, and by the time I figured things out we had two innocent bystanders in the mix. They needed a father so I stayed. My choice my consequence. 20 years of pain later I made another choice to leave my wife and still be the best Damn dad I can be. My choice, but this time our consequences. But so far I would do it again in a heartbeat. All of it. Each and every moment of joy and sorrow. Each of those moments shaped me to be the man I am today. And as I break through the fog of my SM, for the first time in a long time I like the man who stares back at me in the mirror. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 1, 2017 7:06:43 GMT -5
WE MAKE OUR OWN REALITY . . .
In the Beginning was the WORD - Gospel of Saint John.
No I am not getting religious just to make a point that the IMAGINATION / the VISION / the THOUGHT must come before the ACTION. The mystical Word of God is what gave birth to the Universe so it goes.
WE each of us are our own MASTER of REALITY. We have each our own Little World to create.
If I sit around wishing and hoping - well that is called a Fairy Tale. There aint no Fairy God Mother or maybe there is but as Poor Richard said "The Lord helps those that help themselves"
Another "joke" - So a big hurricane was coming and Bob a devout man of God said. I have faith in the Lord and I will pray that He saves me. The rains and wind roared, and a police car came to Bob at this house "Come Bob save yourself go with us" and Bob replied "I pray to God He saves me I dont need your police car. Then the flooding started and a boat came by and Bob said no to that "I pray to God He saves me I dont need your boat". And finally the eye of the hurricane approached and a helicopter arrived at Bobs flooded house and Bob still said No because God would save him.
Bob died tragically.
In Heaven Bob saw God and said to Him, I prayed for you to save me and now I am dead. And God said unto Bob "I sent you a police car, a boat, and a helicopter and you refused all of them." Buddadumbump!
My favorite Walt Disney Quote "It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 1, 2017 7:13:53 GMT -5
I am the first to admit Disney is now a ruthless monster multinational but this quote seems quite a propos to imagining "Parallel Universes" (read: making our own universe) first the DREAM (or vision) but puh-lease do not forget the "DO" part (i.e., YOU can DO it).  |
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Post by dinnaken on Apr 1, 2017 7:38:56 GMT -5
Hi Folks,
I hope I didn't come across as strident because that wasn't my intent.
In the past I spent too long reflecting and agonising over poor choices in my marriage, especially over those points early on when I knew that things were going wrong but I didn't leave. Personally, thinking about what 'might have been' didn't help and for me helped precipitate a meltdown in 2015.
Yes, the parallel lives thing can be fun but the bottom line is that, even if I live to be 80 I will have given away the best third of my life to a joyless, loveless marriage. For that reason alone I choose to live in the present and contemplate the future not the past.
Personally, I wouldn't do it all again but I do agree with Shamwow "Each of those moments shaped me to be the man I am today. And as I break through the fog of my SM, for the first time in a long time I like the man who stares back at me in the mirror."
I echo every word, as I too see the end in sight, I'm realising that I like the person it's left me.
Bye for now
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