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Post by kiltedpadre on Mar 30, 2017 0:48:32 GMT -5
Well, I do believe we stumbled onto part of my wife's issues. I've always known her as a bit of a germaphobe, but a recent situation takes the cake.
As some may remember we've been going to a sex therapist. As part of our sessions we involve "homeplay assignments" to work on. Our last attempt at this lead to a fight.
The next day she decided to make up to me. She broke out her little vibrator since it always helps her get in the mood (which leads to a whole other question of why not just use the vibrator more often instead of letting it gather dust). We did have sex that night, but something the next day was interesting.
While I was cleaning in the bedroom she cleaned the vibrator and brought it to the bedroom to put away. I was between her and the night stand so I tried to take it to put away. She wouldn't give it to me. Even after cleaning she still felt like it was too dirty for me to touch!
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Post by rejected101 on Mar 30, 2017 3:23:48 GMT -5
That isn't the cleanliness that prevents her from allowing you to touch it in my opinion. That is her inhibitions preventing her from allowing you to touch the metaphorically 'dirty sex toy'. It's less about whether the bleach has worked and more about her mind. My wife is similar. Hops up and down on my cock, let's me lick her down there, refuses point blank to talk sex. Mind issues.
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Post by baza on Mar 30, 2017 5:02:37 GMT -5
. . . or, *you* were too dirty to touch it.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 30, 2017 5:37:07 GMT -5
Maybe there's "other" things in the nightstand that she doesn't want you to find? Just guessing. If she's such a germ-a-phobe wouldn't you know that by now?
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Post by GeekGoddess on Mar 30, 2017 6:30:23 GMT -5
. . . or, *you* were too dirty to touch it. This was my reaction too: she & her newly cleaned toy are just fine if *you* just won't touch them & get out of her way. I think this needs covered with the Therapist so that you can get as much verbally from her to explain what her take on this was. Because it feels territorial to me. It wasn't the vibe that was dirty. She just cleaned it. But she doesn't know when you last washed hands, so she's not letting you put your dirty paws on her pristine toy. I could be SO wrong. But that is how it read to me. |
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Post by rejected101 on Mar 30, 2017 7:42:33 GMT -5
. . . or, *you* were too dirty to touch it. This was my reaction too: she & her newly cleaned toy are just fine if *you* just won't touch them & get out of her way. I think this needs covered with the Therapist so that you can get as much verbally from her to explain what her take on this was. Because it feels territorial to me. It wasn't the vibe that was dirty. She just cleaned it. But she doesn't know when you last washed hands, so she's not letting you put your dirty paws on her pristine toy. I could be SO wrong. But that is how it read to me. I hadn't thought of it this way so this is quite interesting. However, if it was a territorial thing would she have allowed its use the night before? |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Mar 30, 2017 8:36:51 GMT -5
This was my reaction too: she & her newly cleaned toy are just fine if *you* just won't touch them & get out of her way. I think this needs covered with the Therapist so that you can get as much verbally from her to explain what her take on this was. Because it feels territorial to me. It wasn't the vibe that was dirty. She just cleaned it. But she doesn't know when you last washed hands, so she's not letting you put your dirty paws on her pristine toy. I could be SO wrong. But that is how it read to me. I hadn't thought of it this way so this is quite interesting. However, if it was a territorial thing would she have allowed its use the night before? Well - did she drive? I mean I really could be wrong, but I certainly think it's worth bringing up in front of the therapist & see what she says the deal was. Not interpreting what you think it meant but bringing up as - this was funny or made me feel funny - why was there such reluctance to hand it to me to put in the drawer? I just didn't understand & would like to hear what was going through your mind. In front of the therapist--- b/c if you ask her alone, I wouldn't believe her explanation. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 30, 2017 8:48:51 GMT -5
I hadn't thought of it this way so this is quite interesting. However, if it was a territorial thing would she have allowed its use the night before? Well - did she drive? I mean I really could be wrong, but I certainly think it's worth bringing up in front of the therapist & see what she says the deal was. Not interpreting what you think it meant but bringing up as - this was funny or made me feel funny - why was there such reluctance to hand it to me to put in the drawer? I just didn't understand & would like to hear what was going through your mind. In front of the therapist--- b/c if you ask her alone, I wouldn't believe her explanation. Not sure I'd believe her explanation in front of the therapist either. (been there done that) If anything, how she explains it, her body language, tone, ease in telling the truth, or how quickly she tries to avoid it. Could it be the embarrassment? The embarrassment is less during the heat of the moment. The setting is more appropriate. Compared to dressed, cleaning house and having to hand you her vibrator. Is there fear that you will not put it away as quick as possible, but ask questions about it? Fear that you might want to open more discussion about sex, and intimacy? Fear that you could possibly mock her? Fear of exposing a low self image, that she had one in the first place? Just guessing. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 30, 2017 8:55:59 GMT -5
. . . or, *you* were too dirty to touch it. This was my reaction too: she & her newly cleaned toy are just fine if *you* just won't touch them & get out of her way. I think this needs covered with the Therapist so that you can get as much verbally from her to explain what her take on this was. Because it feels territorial to me. It wasn't the vibe that was dirty. She just cleaned it. But she doesn't know when you last washed hands, so she's not letting you put your dirty paws on her pristine toy. Propriety about sexual expression was how it struck me as well. I certainly got that from Mrs. Apocrypha. Here, we can possibly see the razor's edge between the expression of her own libido on her own terms, and how comfortable she feels sharing that with you. |
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Post by Copernicus on Mar 30, 2017 12:02:58 GMT -5
Have you ever offered to go and get the vibe for her? Or what if you simply retrieved it and made an approach for sex? It would be interesting to see her response to those scenarios.
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Post by kiltedpadre on Mar 30, 2017 17:29:59 GMT -5
Sorry for the silence since posting; I'm on 12 hour shifts all week so I come and go as I can. I'll try and respond to as many thoughts as possible.
There's certainly nothing in the nightstand she's trying to hide. It's on my side of the bed and the main thing in it is paperwork and texts that I need to keep my work certifications renewed. It's actually a small cabinet I built years ago as opposed to a regular nightstand with drawers.
I guess I missed mentioning (I was posting at 2am at the end of a 12hr day). When I tried to reach for it she pulled back and quickly said "I've got it, it's dirty" in a really subdued voice. I'm fairly confident she hadn't thought it was me being dirty. Though there's always the chance she thought I was also dirty and that the combination of my dirtyness and the "dirtyness" of the toy would've created some sort of hole in the space-time continuum.
This will most certainly be brought up in therapy. I've started to keep a list things to bring up from one session to the next since I have a tendency to forget things if we get off on an unexpected tangent.
This is the first time she's ever expressed any concerns about me touching it, putting it away, or getting it out. On the rare occasion it gets used I normally get it out since it's on my side. Attempts to get it out unprompted have been the root of the all too common "all you think about is sex" tirades.
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Post by seabr33z3 on Mar 30, 2017 18:51:02 GMT -5
Maybe there's "other" things in the nightstand that she doesn't want you to find? Just guessing. If she's such a germ-a-phobe wouldn't you know that by now? LOL! Good point! |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2017 20:21:10 GMT -5
I got stuck at the part where you said "why not just use the vibrator more often instead of letting it gather dust."
I'm trying to get my mind to imagine the idea of a vibrator gathering dust. Is that even a thing?
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Post by novembercomingfire on Apr 1, 2017 8:45:01 GMT -5
I got stuck at the part where you said "why not just use the vibrator more often instead of letting it gather dust." I'm trying to get my mind to imagine the idea of a vibrator gathering dust. Is that even a thing? In my house, absolutely it is a thing. I bought them as gifts, she basically said "eww, gross" and there they sit in the cabinet. |
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Post by nancyb on Apr 1, 2017 9:25:52 GMT -5
That is so sad. Even my refuser bought me gifts of sex toys... I'm with smartkat none of them have even gathered dust.
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