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Post by smilin61 on Jan 25, 2017 12:54:38 GMT -5
Congratulations. It really takes a while to take that step. My lawyer says it takes more courage to divorce than to stay in a bad marriage. Yep. Your lawyer is a wise man.  |
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Post by csl on Jan 25, 2017 17:30:20 GMT -5
I think it's something like that. Doing something that looks impossibly scary starts to look a bit more possible, less scary, more normal and acceptable when you see others do it. Plus the emotional and practical support of course. According to one article that I've read, in states in which there is a presumption of shared custody of the children, "the percentage of women initiating divorce is much lower." The inverse, that in those states, the percentage of men initiating divorce is higher has to be true. So, all things being equal, if the guy can catch a break on child-custody, there is less of a barrier for men to seek divorce. Male Version of the 'Walkaway Wife'. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 25, 2017 17:46:21 GMT -5
I think it's something like that. Doing something that looks impossibly scary starts to look a bit more possible, less scary, more normal and acceptable when you see others do it. Plus the emotional and practical support of course. According to one article that I've read, in states in which there is a presumption of shared custody of the children, "the percentage of women initiating divorce is much lower." The inverse, that in those states, the percentage of men initiating divorce is higher has to be true. So, all things being equal, if the guy can catch a break on child-custody, there is less of a barrier for men to seek divorce. Male Version of the 'Walkaway Wife'. I believe this is what I saw a while ago. smilin61, the fact that you have not received a response says a lot. One day at a time my friend. The days will come when all the "divorce reasons" will need is about 5 minutes thought, the rest of your day can be about the present and the future. |
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Post by warmways on Jan 26, 2017 17:39:21 GMT -5
Best wishes, keep smiling!
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Post by itsjustus on Jan 26, 2017 18:30:59 GMT -5
I pulled the trigger today. It's been six years since I found this group on EP. I'm not sure what that means...if I'm a slow learner or my toe-dipper personality just needed the time to acclimate. I woke up this morning, after a particularly hard day yesterday, knowing I couldn't do one. more. day. I wrote out a letter, thought about the best way for me to deliver it, and packed a bag. Tonight is for me, my emotions, my needs. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to listen to his... So, I'm raising a cup full of my favorite wine to all of you. Your collective humor, wisdom and honesty have been my guideposts. I'm sure these will continue to be just as vital in the coming months. Thank you - each of you, for sharing and being such a decent group of folks. I certainly couldn't afford to pay for the therapy I've encountered here. Nor would it have been as insightful coming from any other person(s). I'm learning. Yep, I think I've finally got this. Hang in there S61! I know it's not easy. I know it's pretty rough at times. It's a price we pay for being kind and empathetic to other's feelings and emotions, even if it's our refusers. That makes it so hard to stand up and face them down to say "This is what *I* need. I DO NOT want to live and die this way! I'm done giving chances. I'm just done!" Being so forceful, just isn't built into us. It takes a lot to get us to the point where we are. All the heartache. All the angst. All the years of stomach grinding worry.
It's hard to face their anger, their accusations, their attempts to side track the discussions....denying the reality of it...all of their attempts to dissuade you from what you've been telling them has been coming for years. Sometimes it can be completely insane, seemingly an alternate universe! It's maddening! And sad.
I'm here to tell you, I'm behind you all the way. Everyone here is. We have your back. You are in my thoughts. I know you'll pull thru!
You've got this!!
IJU
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Post by solodriver on Jan 27, 2017 0:32:41 GMT -5
My thoughts are with you smilin61!! |
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