Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2017 11:02:19 GMT -5
Heading away on a little vacation tomorrow. The thing is I love travelling with my wife and it is actually one of the things that got us together in the first place. Over the years we have moved to different continents and been to many places and we are a great team when we do. I have traveled with other people and quickly get annoyed with them. She is the best "Non sexual travel friend". It has also become even easier now that I don't have any resentment left, I do my own thing and I have no expectation that she'll will make an exception because it a holiday (no sex is no sex whatever the time or place to me) Sometime I have have to be positive in my thoughts, not everything about my wife or marriage sux.
I am NOT looking for advice for myself here, I just thought it would interesting to share your stories on vacationing with your spouse?
|
|
|
|
Post by sunniedays on Jan 10, 2017 11:15:50 GMT -5
Enjoy your vacation with your wife. She's your ideal travel partner!! Enjoy your travels. Learn something new. Explore the different culture. Take in the beauty. Try not to dwell on what you don't have. Focus on the wonderful things that brought you two together. Wouldn't it be perfect if she could just make you 100% happy? Of course. Who wouldn't dream about the "perfect" spouse. But life isn't perfect. On the other hand, it's pretty damn good a lot of the time. Does some guy out there have it better than you? Maybe. But you can be damn sure someone has it much worse. You both have your health. (I'm assuming, since you're going on vacation) Don't focus on the negative. No one wants to find themselves on their death bed, reflecting back on their life, wanting to kick themselves for wasting so much time dwelling on what didn't make them happy. Have a GREAT holiday!!
|
|
|
|
Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 10, 2017 11:29:42 GMT -5
Heading away on a little vacation tomorrow. The thing is I love travelling with my wife and it is actually one of the things that got us together in the first place. Over the years we have moved to different continents and been to many places and we are a great team when we do. I have traveled with other people and quickly get annoyed with them. She is the best "Non sexual travel friend". It has also become even easier now that I don't have any resentment left, I do my own thing and I have no expectation that she'll will make an exception because it a holiday (no sex is no sex whatever the time or place to me) Sometime I have have to be positive in my thoughts, not everything about my wife or marriage sux. I am NOT looking for advice for myself here, I just thought it would interesting to share your stories on vacationing with your spouse? Like you, most trips on the whole i would rather spend with her than alone or with aomeone else. But this is really in retrospect, after i gave up the expectation that there would be sex. |
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Jan 10, 2017 11:45:17 GMT -5
Heading away on a little vacation tomorrow. The thing is I love travelling with my wife and it is actually one of the things that got us together in the first place. Over the years we have moved to different continents and been to many places and we are a great team when we do. I have traveled with other people and quickly get annoyed with them. She is the best "Non sexual travel friend". It has also become even easier now that I don't have any resentment left, I do my own thing and I have no expectation that she'll will make an exception because it a holiday (no sex is no sex whatever the time or place to me) Sometime I have have to be positive in my thoughts, not everything about my wife or marriage sux. I am NOT looking for advice for myself here, I just thought it would interesting to share your stories on vacationing with your spouse? I've been on several sexless vacations with my wife. They were great times and enjoyed by both. Sex would have merely put the cherry on the cake! |
|
|
|
Post by lyn on Jan 10, 2017 12:11:36 GMT -5
Have a wonderful trip! I sort of envy the fact that you've maintained this friendship with your spouse - without any sex involved. We take a 3 month holiday every summer - to the same place for the last 12 years. I LOVE this part of the country, have made wonderful friends there that we spend our time with each summer season; whitewater rafting, hiking, kayaking, fly fishing, skeet shooting, lots of great restauarants, awesome bars - quite a shangrila I suppose. Last summer, totally no sex. I'd been wined and dined forget the 69'd. Didn't happen. Since we got back last September, I've bowed out of two more mini vacay's and am not going on another next week. H always goes regardless. I RELISH the time he is gone and begin dreading his return the minute the door hits him on the way out.
I simply cannot separate, or compartmentalize, this issue any longer. We had been pretty good "friends" I guess up until September or October '16. It finally came to a head - I cannot be friends with (or vacation with) someone who swore to love, cherish, honor me, until death do us part. Not trying to rain on your parade - kudos to you that you can stomach this type of arrangement - I simply cannot- will not share a hotel room, walks on a beach, exploring local fare with someone who so clearly does not care about my wellbeing.
I'm quite certain I'm giving up these summer trips that I had once enjoyed so much - at least for now. (Maybe I will return there sans the dud). I'm working on my exit plan which should get me out just before this scheduled trip. IF I can make it to June - funny how fast a marriage where "everything is great bar the sex" erodes once the refused spouse stops drinking the refuser's kool-aid. One day, it may hit you squarely between the eyes like it has done to me. An exit strategy is so important to have in your back pocket if you are a refused spouse in a sm. Even if you're not planning on going anywhere. You could very well wake up in that beautifully made holiday bed one morning and say "fuck this - I'm done".
It can happen out of nowhere - steely resolve or not.
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jan 10, 2017 12:27:31 GMT -5
Last vacation we took as a family at the beach with a few other families:
I would sit by the pool, he didn't even bring a bathing suit.
Last day we were there I spent the day with one of the other dads laying by the pool and playing football in the pool with the kids.
Then I went on a helicopter ride with a different man.
We didn't vacation well together just different interests.
Even in Vegas I was by myself a lot the three times we went there.
Walked myself back to the hotel room at night while he stayed in the casino until 7 am the next morning and then went to sleep when it's time to have fun and explore. And of course no sex ever!
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jan 10, 2017 13:14:03 GMT -5
W and I met while working together in the travel industry. Travel was kind of our thing, but we definitely have different tastes and interests in where to go and what to do.
But to the original point... intimacy. If you can enjoy traveling together despite the lack of intimacy, more power to you.
For me, new places, cultures, and hotels are romantic; to be constrained in expressing that romance diminishes the experience for me a lot. We still travel, and I still enjoy it, but it's not all I'd hope for.
At the end of a day, I don't want an analysis of the things we saw or focus on prep for the next day's outings -- I want to wax romantic about the amazing experience we're sharing.
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Jan 10, 2017 13:33:32 GMT -5
My best vacations are alone with the kids. I have a feeling that she feels the same.
|
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 10, 2017 13:53:12 GMT -5
I am sitting here trying to remember having sex when we were vacationing or just getting away for a weekend somewhere. I can't remember us fooling around even once in 5 yrs. I never planned on having a little nookie, even on several trips that one would expect to be romantic excursions. That would have made the time spent making memories so much more memorable.
|
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 10, 2017 14:07:03 GMT -5
Vacation? What the fuck is a vacation?
Due to the weed habit, we've never had one!
Ironically we met in Zante in 1999. He was away with his boy chums, I'd gone alone for some time away from my then fiancé (who was the boringest mother effer ever) while I decided how to dump him.
We had 2 days together there before he went home.
Since that, we had a week with all my family in my sisters MIL's house in 2002 (Devon. Very nice seaside place)when eldest was a baby, And a week again with all my family in 2008 (Wales. Very nice seaside place again)when little one was a baby... so not really a vacation for me! Just sleepless nights and breastfeeding somewhere else!!
That's it. That's the sum total of my family holidays since 1999.
Fuck I need a holiday!
|
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 10, 2017 14:15:04 GMT -5
Hey bballgirl... mines the same. Not once in our 15 years of parenting has he been seen in a swimsuit. Actually, that's bollocks. 1 time, when I was mega pregnant, he came to one of those indoor water parks with me and the eldest. I had to practically force him to go, but there was no way I could have gone down the slides and stuff with a 6 yo with the belly I had on me! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2017 14:47:55 GMT -5
Have a wonderful trip! I sort of envy the fact that you've maintained this friendship with your spouse - without any sex involved. We take a 3 month holiday every summer - to the same place for the last 12 years. I LOVE this part of the country, have made wonderful friends there that we spend our time with each summer season; whitewater rafting, hiking, kayaking, fly fishing, skeet shooting, lots of great restauarants, awesome bars - quite a shangrila I suppose. Last summer, totally no sex. I'd been wined and dined forget the 69'd. Didn't happen. Since we got back last September, I've bowed out of two more mini vacay's and am not going on another next week. H always goes regardless. I RELISH the time he is gone and begin dreading his return the minute the door hits him on the way out. I simply cannot separate, or compartmentalize, this issue any longer. We had been pretty good "friends" I guess up until September or October '16. It finally came to a head - I cannot be friends with (or vacation with) someone who swore to love, cherish, honor me, until death do us part. Not trying to rain on your parade - kudos to you that you can stomach this type of arrangement - I simply cannot- will not share a hotel room, walks on a beach, exploring local fare with someone who so clearly does not care about my wellbeing. I'm quite certain I'm giving up these summer trips that I had once enjoyed so much - at least for now. (Maybe I will return there sans the dud). I'm working on my exit plan which should get me out just before this scheduled trip. IF I can make it to June - funny how fast a marriage where "everything is great bar the sex" erodes once the refused spouse stops drinking the refuser's kool-aid. One day, it may hit you squarely between the eyes like it has done to me. An exit strategy is so important to have in your back pocket if you are a refused spouse in a sm. Even if you're not planning on going anywhere. You could very well wake up in that beautifully made holiday bed one morning and say "fuck this - I'm done". It can happen out of nowhere - steely resolve or not. If you look at like the 5 stages of grief the last being acceptance then it can be a tolerable position but if you can't get over resentment then I agree you have to leave as it will destroy every other part of you life I can also accept the premise that one person won't cater to you every need but if you need one person to provide everything love,sex, and the whole package then again you probably need to leave |
|
|
|
Post by lyn on Jan 10, 2017 17:56:39 GMT -5
Have a wonderful trip! I sort of envy the fact that you've maintained this friendship with your spouse - without any sex involved. We take a 3 month holiday every summer - to the same place for the last 12 years. I LOVE this part of the country, have made wonderful friends there that we spend our time with each summer season; whitewater rafting, hiking, kayaking, fly fishing, skeet shooting, lots of great restauarants, awesome bars - quite a shangrila I suppose. Last summer, totally no sex. I'd been wined and dined forget the 69'd. Didn't happen. Since we got back last September, I've bowed out of two more mini vacay's and am not going on another next week. H always goes regardless. I RELISH the time he is gone and begin dreading his return the minute the door hits him on the way out. I simply cannot separate, or compartmentalize, this issue any longer. We had been pretty good "friends" I guess up until September or October '16. It finally came to a head - I cannot be friends with (or vacation with) someone who swore to love, cherish, honor me, until death do us part. Not trying to rain on your parade - kudos to you that you can stomach this type of arrangement - I simply cannot- will not share a hotel room, walks on a beach, exploring local fare with someone who so clearly does not care about my wellbeing. I'm quite certain I'm giving up these summer trips that I had once enjoyed so much - at least for now. (Maybe I will return there sans the dud). I'm working on my exit plan which should get me out just before this scheduled trip. IF I can make it to June - funny how fast a marriage where "everything is great bar the sex" erodes once the refused spouse stops drinking the refuser's kool-aid. One day, it may hit you squarely between the eyes like it has done to me. An exit strategy is so important to have in your back pocket if you are a refused spouse in a sm. Even if you're not planning on going anywhere. You could very well wake up in that beautifully made holiday bed one morning and say "fuck this - I'm done". It can happen out of nowhere - steely resolve or not. If you look at like the 5 stages of grief the last being acceptance then it can be a tolerable position but if you can't get over resentment then I agree you have to leave as it will destroy every other part of you life I can also accept the premise that one person won't cater to you every need but if you need one person to provide everything love,sex, and the whole package then again you probably need to leave Yep...... pretty much what I think. I've considered outsourcing for years - but I want the whole enchilada....... sex & romantic intimacy with one person. It would've been the ultimate to have that with my H, but, just don't see it happening. Dang..... we were really good together too. C'est la vie |
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on Jan 10, 2017 18:38:37 GMT -5
Vacation? What the fuck is a vacation? Due to the weed habit, we've never had one! Ironically we met in Zante in 1999. He was away with his boy chums, I'd gone alone for some time away from my then fiancé (who was the boringest mother effer ever) while I decided how to dump him. We had 2 days together there before he went home. Since that, we had a week with all my family in my sisters MIL's house in 2002 (Devon. Very nice seaside place)when eldest was a baby, And a week again with all my family in 2008 (Wales. Very nice seaside place again)when little one was a baby... so not really a vacation for me! Just sleepless nights and breastfeeding somewhere else!! That's it. That's the sum total of my family holidays since 1999. Fuck I need a holiday! Damn, girl, that is just wrong!!! I think I would have curled up and died by now. |
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on Jan 10, 2017 18:41:26 GMT -5
Heading away on a little vacation tomorrow. The thing is I love travelling with my wife and it is actually one of the things that got us together in the first place. Over the years we have moved to different continents and been to many places and we are a great team when we do. I have traveled with other people and quickly get annoyed with them. She is the best "Non sexual travel friend". It has also become even easier now that I don't have any resentment left, I do my own thing and I have no expectation that she'll will make an exception because it a holiday (no sex is no sex whatever the time or place to me) Sometime I have have to be positive in my thoughts, not everything about my wife or marriage sux. I am NOT looking for advice for myself here, I just thought it would interesting to share your stories on vacationing with your spouse? We travel very well together. She is a terrible person to fly with, but aside from that we have been to lots of places and have similar interests and we are probably at our best when travelling. When we used to talk about being just the two of us again it was always oriented around travelling and exploring together. Of course we have a couple of minor hurdles to overcome first... |
|
