NurseM
New Member
Married
Posts: 8
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by NurseM on Jan 8, 2018 9:55:54 GMT -5
csl he knows I'm on here! ricky2669 is of his own free will to comment & has chosen to move forward. I remain because I'm willing to read the advice of others stuck in time. It's no longer my need to want to defend myself nor tear him down. I have no plans for staying on this forum for the long haul, but I am taking into consideration the advice of others as I already mentioned so I don't make the same mistakes. I still do not feel that I'm responsible for his actions, but I do own my mistakes & am trying to grow from them.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 8, 2018 10:03:36 GMT -5
We have his posts from last year and we have your posts from this year. Either both of you post, or make appointments with counselors. Something just doesn't add up. "He that speaks first in his own cause seems just; until his neighbor comes and examines him." (Prov. 18.17) Again, we are getting one person's side. The last time Ricky posted was in August, 2017. We are, again, getting just one side of the story. True, but I've got to give her serious kudos for walking into the proverbial lions den. I'd like to see Ricky give an update too. But there is no obligation for him to chime in (although proof of life is always good 😉). Ive come to believe that there are several flavors of SM. Mine was of the bait and switch variety. She needed me for my swimmers and credit card so the sex was plentiful until I was entrapped in the marriage. Then the week after it dropped off a cliff. There is nothing to repair because nothing existed. But I'd say that is the exception. Most people have a healthy sex life and it fades away over time. Those are the hardest to repair. This relationship sounds like it can be salvaged if both parties actually want it. What they need is a no bullshit policy. He needs to communicate his needs and she needs to understand he isn't going to beg for sex (otherwise he will find it where he doesn't have to beg). It really ain't that complicated IMHO.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 8, 2018 11:52:47 GMT -5
... Throughout all of this he & I have remained close, kind to one another, we laugh all the time & we spend our lives dedicated to our 4 kids. Instead of my husband communicating his internal desires & gripes with me he was buying me gifts, sending lengthy emails, texts, audio messages, quotes & songs so how was I to know when I'm living in the day-to-day struggles that I was failing miserably at meeting his MOST IMPORTANT need? Of course I know that men need sex, but I allowed myself to get so caught up in the challenges of daily life I TOOK MY HUSBAND FOR GRANTED! I messed up TOO! I acknowledge this! .... I'm glad you wrote this and admit that you are part of the problem. Most women would dismiss this as their H's problem and put them in the doghouse or worse, get a divorce. Many married man would resort to using porn or even worse, risk on legal trouble by outsourcing. It is truly sad today that in today there are many commercials and shows geared towards women that they "deserve" to treat themselves but there is nothing geared for men. Men have feelings and needs fulfilled also. Heck I swore off porn for a few months while my then GF and I had some good sex then. For me I had to watch porn when the sex was infrequent and mediocre. Later start outsourcing when it was non-existent. I am not proud of it, but I am not ashamed of doing it either.
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Post by WindSister on Jan 8, 2018 13:29:28 GMT -5
greatcoastal as a previous divorcee I HAVE attended divorce recovery class. Domestic abuse is not comparable to mine & ricky2669 's situation. I'm not even going to respond to that comment itself. I will say that he betrayed me when instead of confiding in me, his wife, the one he had a problem with & chose to confide in another woman while carrying on a sexually fueled online affair for a year! Then he threw me to the wolves tearing me down behind my back! You cannot justify that behavior! & it hurt me deeply. Had he come to me & I did nothing about it & he resorted to that is another story. That would hurt very bad, I am sorry that happened to you. That is why I say it's important to be direct and honest in a relationship. I was tempted to pursue an affair before addressing things with my husband at first because, let's face it -- that's "easy." It "feels good." But I was very much into karma (still am) and couldn't do it. I then tried to work on things with my husband. When that failed, I flat out told him, to his face, that I was craving an affair. He did NOTHING. Felt NOTHING. I moved into the guest room, pursued other interests (to include men) and we were divorced six months later. But, I did tell him first - and that is why I hold no shame or regret. Oh, and side note -- I will say I met many men who were married, looking for affairs on some online sites. Some, after talking a bit, I could tell weren't honest with their wives about their dissatisfaction in their marriage. That was a turn off for me because, yes, I wondered, "hmm... what would SHE say about your relationship? What effort are YOU putting into it at home?" I felt for those who WERE trying to work on things, but were met with a spouse who wasn't working with them because that was my situation as well. It's not easy being honest, but it's way more liberating and freeing. I am glad things are out on the table now for you both and I do hope it leads to positive outcomes for you both. Keep things real. Keep things honest. Take care.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 13, 2018 18:17:26 GMT -5
csl he knows I'm on here! ricky2669 is of his own free will to comment & has chosen to move forward. I remain because I'm willing to read the advice of others stuck in time. It's no longer my need to want to defend myself nor tear him down. I have no plans for staying on this forum for the long haul, but I am taking into consideration the advice of others as I already mentioned so I don't make the same mistakes. I still do not feel that I'm responsible for his actions, but I do own my mistakes & am trying to grow from them. It’s good you are still here NurseM. Brave, informative and probably exactly what this forum needs (to see what’s on the other side of the coin). I hope you and your husband are working through this!
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