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Post by TMD on Apr 19, 2016 18:41:15 GMT -5
Oh shit. I'm having a crappy day too. Last week I wanted to have a date badly with my cousin that I agreed to a 2-hour "restorative" yoga class. I had NO clue what I had signed up for. And it turned out to be about, "silencing your inner critic." I bawled throughout the class. The instructor ended with this quote (see image). You may need some quiet time to reflect, and that's okay. It's good. It's nourishing. Is there anyway you can take some time for yourself to do that? To get away for a day or night?  |
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 19, 2016 19:01:48 GMT -5
I do not know you at all but I can relate to what you say especially about the anger. It ate at me. I couldn't help but cry when I was alone in the car. I'm a passive person too.
I would think about just getting on the highway and going away too sometimes and I'm the mother but that was not an option.
You sound depressed. You sound like you have neglected yourself and your needs (not referring to sexual needs), but the needs of your authentic self.
You need to start focussing on yourself.
If taking a weekend away for a vacation is an option even if you have to lie about it to get away and say it's business then do it. If that's not possible maybe just pretend you are going to work and take a day to yourself. I used to do that.
Start exercising or doing things that you enjoy.
As far as the kids, I get it! Raising kids is not easy.
Actually getting a divorce has given me a break and it may sound selfish but I don't mind the shared custody.
Start focussing on yourself and find your happiness.
In the Declaration of Independence it says that all men are guaranteed the pursuit of happiness. Keyword is PURSUIT! It's up to you to find your happiness and it may be just one step or one day or one thing at a time.
It can be as simple as a song on the radio that you crank up and rock out to. Find your happiness!!
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Post by unmatched on Apr 19, 2016 19:20:47 GMT -5
It made me quite upset reading that! I guess I am not having a great week either and it echoed a lot of what I have been feeling, so thanks for posting it. Beeman - I am sorry you are feeling so bad today. I guess one way I look at it is that we all have a certain level of emotional reserves. Usually more than we think we do, and they go up and down all the time, but there is a base level of what we can deal with. If you spend all your time giving, giving, giving - doing a crap job, looking after your house, looking after your wife, looking after your kids, doing everything to be a 'real man' and making sure everybody else is OK then you are going to reach the end of your rope pretty quickly. That doesn't mean you should start demanding stuff and being an asshole. But can you find a way and take some time out just for you? I don't know what you like - go play some sport, go for a walk in the woods, go paintballing, build a boat, whatever. But it needs to be all about whatever makes you happy and nourishes your spirit. And maybe you could start establishing some boundaries at home so you don't feel dissipated in every direction all the time. I don't know if that is what you need to hear right now - maybe you just need to take some time out and go break some stuff. And if that is what you need then go for it. Just don't make any life-changing decisions today. |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 19, 2016 19:51:08 GMT -5
What does she want?
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Post by TMD on Apr 19, 2016 20:00:56 GMT -5
unmatched, I like what you had to say about reserves. So true. Sometimes we need to sit in our darkness and let it be what it is. Chatter Fox, affairs, including emotional ones, are complicated. They also tend to highlight what is grossly wrong in our primary relationships. And bring us to the breaking point often -- I've reached many crossroads with my AP of 3+ years. Although generally they are positive and we grew and continue on. I would try to separate the two; spouse and love affair. And focus on what you need to do to create the life that fulfils you, with as much integrity possible. Also, read the book, "when Good People Have Affairs." Great resource; helps the reader to clearly evaluate their relationship needs, and non-negotiables
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2016 21:17:39 GMT -5
Beeman, I know your feelings are overwhelming you right now, but everything inside me is saying you need to step back for a moment. I think Bballgirl and TMD are right - you desperately need to get away, even if it's only for a day. You need some space to breath without people in your face demanding this and that. Please get away, get some space to think. Get out in nature if you can. Find some quiet. And try to not make any huge decisions for a few days until your mind has calmed a bit. I'm so sorry you're going through all this.
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Post by Chatter Fox on Apr 19, 2016 21:28:40 GMT -5
Thanks, everyone. I'm feeling a bit better right now. I really appreciate the support. Life is confusing right now. As usual, I really appreciate all of you and your insight. I wish I could reply individually to all of you but it's getting late and I'm a bit short on energy. Maybe I can reply more tomorrow.  I feel better. Thanks. |
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 19, 2016 21:34:05 GMT -5
I'll channel Baz for a moment, not that more work is what you're looking for at the moment... Talk to a lawyer and see how it'll all shake out for you.
I empathize. I've been close to the fuckitall point many times. You never know when that last straw is going to snap you, and having advice under your belt will at least make it an informed decision.
I agree with BBG about getting away. A mental reset, where you're responsible to nobody but yourself for a day or two.
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 19, 2016 21:40:15 GMT -5
A touch of humor to lighten the mood...  |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2016 22:37:32 GMT -5
Everybody else had good advice, so I'll just say I know how it gets on really bad days. I had days last summer where I'd be crying at my desk all morning at work, trying to hide it, and hoping people would pretend not to notice.
I second the advice of those who said to sneak in some time for yourself. You'd be surprised how soothing that is.
And FWIW, I think the fact that you fell for someone on EP is a good sign. It's the deepest part of you, your very soul, crying out, "I'm not dead yet; I'm not ready to give up and wait for death!" Love and sex are the opposite of death.
Every day will not be a bad day.
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Post by LITW on Apr 20, 2016 11:16:45 GMT -5
I have been where you are, many times. You are not alone.
I will also second smartkat's post.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2016 19:28:00 GMT -5
How are you feeling today, Beeman?
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Post by Chatter Fox on Apr 20, 2016 20:17:39 GMT -5
How are you feeling today, Beeman? Quite a bit better, actually. Thanks for asking. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2016 20:18:20 GMT -5
I was also hoping today was a little beeman. Thinking of you and sending warm loving vibes your way.
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Post by Chatter Fox on Apr 20, 2016 20:53:16 GMT -5
I was also hoping today was a little beeman. Thinking of you and sending warm loving vibes your way. Thank you. I really appreciate that. I truly do. |
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I feel better. Thanks. 
