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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2016 23:02:16 GMT -5
So I met my wife at our apartment and she asked if I had bought the KY jelly. MY reaction "What"- confused
I checked my texts and in the middle of a conversation about bringing down a few winter clothes from our other place she had said " bring down the KY jelly it's In the top draw of the closet"
I had totally blanketed it, but I realized it was also my wife awkward way of hinting at sex. It was so weird to me. What does it mean.
I am not looking for answers or suggestions . It is so confusing and messy at this point I just had so share how wacky it is but I did say there is virgin olive oil in the cupboard and she looked at me as confused as I did at her a few minutes before.
PS - I still didn't get laid
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Post by Caris on Oct 21, 2016 23:58:50 GMT -5
Mind games.
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Post by baza on Oct 22, 2016 0:53:47 GMT -5
Are you sure that her saying - "bring down the KY jelly it's In the top draw of the closet" - actually constituted her "hitting on you" ??
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Could it not have just meant that she wanted you to "bring down the KY jelly it's In the top draw of the closet" No more, or less, than that ??
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Based on the next sequence of events you describe, maybe your interpretation that she was hitting on you was just wrong, or maybe wildly optimistic.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2016 1:31:03 GMT -5
You would think so but no, she is totally oblivious - for most of us I think our spouse are so inept that there are no mind games, |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2016 1:43:58 GMT -5
Are you sure that her saying - "bring down the KY jelly it's In the top draw of the closet" - actually constituted her "hitting on you" ?? - Could it not have just meant that she wanted you to "bring down the KY jelly it's In the top draw of the closet" No more, or less, than that ?? - Based on the next sequence of events you describe, maybe your interpretation that she was hitting on you was just wrong, or maybe wildly optimistic. She was the one who brought it up otherwise it would be a text lost to history as I let it pass, didnt see it, but she asked why I hadn't replied |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 22, 2016 1:44:54 GMT -5
You would think so but no, she is totally oblivious - for most of us I think our spouse are so inept that there are no mind games, Even this, you're probably giving her too much credit. The door is squeaky, and she figured KY would fix it. Sex didn't cross her mind. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2016 1:57:46 GMT -5
You would think so but no, she is totally oblivious - for most of us I think our spouse are so inept that there are no mind games, Even this, you're probably giving her too much credit. The door is squeaky, and she figured KY would fix it. Sex didn't cross her mind. That is great comment, DryC, we are all here blaming our spouses but I do believe there is a possibility for some here thier spouses are just stupid and clueless |
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Post by Caris on Oct 22, 2016 10:05:31 GMT -5
You would think so but no, she is totally oblivious - for most of us I think our spouse are so inept that there are no mind games, I think those of us who have lived with narcissists always allow for the possibility of "mind games." They are so subtle to even be detected (even over years), but as it continues and you see the pattern and the insidious damage done to you, you realize what was happening all along. I'm not saying your wife is using mind games, it's just that I see how what she said could be construed as one. She says something knowing you will think sex is on the agenda, and that's it. Nothing else. You are left feeling confused and wondering why she asked for it. Was it innocent? Yes, it very well could be, but as different scenarios keep coming up leaving you confused and bewildered, it becomes a pattern you start to see clearly, and they always have a good excuse if you bring it up with them, making it seem that you are imagining things or are too sensitive. It's always turned on you, never them. As I said, I'm not saying it's your situation, but wanted to show how they operate...very subtly and with charm and "nice innocence" to everyone else, if they are the passive aggressive type. |
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 22, 2016 10:10:59 GMT -5
Next time, you say yes it's in the car, quickly drive to the drug store and say - Here it is what did you have in mind?!
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Post by deleted on Oct 22, 2016 11:14:50 GMT -5
I would have driven to the store and bought some along with a box of condoms. I would have stored them next to the Viagra on the shelf with the item that never get used.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 22, 2016 11:57:47 GMT -5
Even this, you're probably giving her too much credit. The door is squeaky, and she figured KY would fix it. Sex didn't cross her mind. That is great comment, DryC, we are all here blaming our spouses but I do believe there is a possibility for some here thier spouses are just stupid and clueless I do think many of them are oblivious to the social cues they give off. Like "bring the KY" to most people means "I'm expecting to have sex soon" not "I remembered we ran out last month and just want to restock". Then there is the crowd who flippantly commits and then doesn't follow through, meanwhile we're like the dog who's bouncing off the walls because he's been asked "Go for a walk?" You know you've crossed a line when she says "remember to pack the KY" and you think "Yeah, whatever.", toss it in the suitcase, and have zero anticipation that anything will materialize. In fact, I just realized that's something I really miss - anticipation. Because experience has shown that it's always false hope, I don't dare to dream anymore. When it does happen, it's so random that I can't figure out why. |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 22, 2016 14:57:34 GMT -5
Maybe unrelated but I can only recall 3 times my stbx ever seriously initiated. All years into our SM. Rather than be excited I was distrustful. Maybe I was to blame but an isolated initiation within a mountain of refusal and neglect just felt weird
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Post by ted on Oct 22, 2016 15:11:01 GMT -5
I would have driven to the store and bought some along with a box of condoms. I would have stored them next to the Viagra on the shelf with the item that never get used. I have 15-year-old condoms in my dresser drawer. I bought them to take on our honeymoon. |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 23, 2016 1:30:26 GMT -5
Maybe unrelated but I can only recall 3 times my stbx ever seriously initiated. All years into our SM. Rather than be excited I was distrustful. Maybe I was to blame but an isolated initiation within a mountain of refusal and neglect just felt weird You can always tell a dog that's been abused... they cower when you reach down to pet them - it takes a long time and consistently kind behavior to unlearn that distrust. After so long, you're bound to wonder "What's the catch? What does she want from me? Did she wreck the car?" |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 23, 2016 1:40:05 GMT -5
I have 15-year-old condoms in my dresser drawer. I bought them to take on our honeymoon. Yeah, I've got some of those too. I actually found them in W's nightstand last year and began to get suspicious. Then I worked backwards from the expiration date and realized I'd bought them ages ago. They're expired, just in case you were wondering. They might make worthy water balloons, though I'd have to suggest against giving them to the neighborhood kids. I got snipped about 15 years ago. That didn't help either. She couldn't even be bothered to help with the requisite ~20 sessions to purge the plumbing. |
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