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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2016 11:12:40 GMT -5
I just found out last night that my best friend from college is splitting up with her husband after 22? 23? years of marriage.
It's because he was dishonest with her about money. She went in to work one day last week and got a memo from HR, advising that their state was garnishing her salary because they owe taxes.
I couldn't explain all the details (I'm easily confused on money issues), but sadly I am not surprised - this is not the first time.
I was in the middle of a good deep self-pity wallow about my own situation; but this event kind of shook me out of that.
Nobody is exempt from problems. If they don't have the same problems you do, then it will be something else.
I told her I could understand why she's angry; FWIW, I think she's doing the right thing (getting your spouse into big financial trouble is just WRONG); and I will have her back in any way that I can.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2016 11:28:10 GMT -5
I just found out last night that my best friend from college is splitting up with her husband after 22? 23? years of marriage. It's because he was dishonest with her about money. She went in to work one day last week and got a memo from HR, advising that their state was garnishing her salary because they owe taxes. I couldn't explain all the details (I'm easily confused on money issues), but sadly I am not surprised - this is not the first time. I was in the middle of a good deep self-pity wallow about my own situation; but this event kind of shook me out of that. Nobody is exempt from problems. If they don't have the same problems you do, then it will be something else. I told her I could understand why she's angry; FWIW, I think she's doing the right thing (getting your spouse into big financial trouble is just WRONG); and I will have her back in any way that I can. Yeah sorry to hear this. Marriages do break up for reasons other than sex. Hiding serious financial problems is pretty serious, I agree. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 17, 2016 12:06:42 GMT -5
Jeez. That's harsh for your friend @smartkat. If be surprised if there weren't a lot more to it.
Good for her for having the balls to dump his sorry ass.
X
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 17, 2016 12:51:18 GMT -5
So sorry to hear it. I can relate to that as well.
This too shall pass but it is a tough pill to swallow when you have to clean up somebody else's mess.
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Post by Caris on Oct 17, 2016 13:05:42 GMT -5
I just found out last night that my best friend from college is splitting up with her husband after 22? 23? years of marriage. It's because he was dishonest with her about money. She went in to work one day last week and got a memo from HR, advising that their state was garnishing her salary because they owe taxes. I couldn't explain all the details (I'm easily confused on money issues), but sadly I am not surprised - this is not the first time. I was in the middle of a good deep self-pity wallow about my own situation; but this event kind of shook me out of that. Nobody is exempt from problems. If they don't have the same problems you do, then it will be something else. I told her I could understand why she's angry; FWIW, I think she's doing the right thing (getting your spouse into big financial trouble is just WRONG); and I will have her back in any way that I can. This is one of the main reasons I had to get out. If it was just the sexlessness, I'd probably still be there now, but it was more than that. He was going to destroy me financially too, as well as all the dishonesty and mind games. I'm sorry for your friend, but she's making the right move. It was only because (based on past behavior), I could see the writing on the wall and anticipate something like this happening to me. |
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Post by Caris on Oct 17, 2016 13:12:31 GMT -5
A SM is bad enough, but when one's behavior affects the other's wellbeing in the wider world, you just have to get out.
It's good that she has the support of a friend like you. She's going to need it. What a terrible thing having your wages garnished because of the actions of your partner. I hope she can find good legal counsel, and sort this out.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 17, 2016 13:21:50 GMT -5
Money, money, money,= control. Another issue in ending our marriage
I did go to a funeral (on my B.D. The closure was good for me). Of a friend who was married with three young daughters. She died at age 40 in a tragic accident, in there own yard. I watched her daughter when she was one years old while volunteering at church. She was president of M.O.P.S. (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) She will be greatly missed by anyone who knew her. A radiant fun loving person. A light in a dark place. Her and her husband worked thier way up to owning and and operating a very large thrift store. She would greet their customers with " let me help you find your treasure today".
So,yes, other people with other problems.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 17, 2016 13:34:54 GMT -5
I wonder what your friends sex life was like with her spouse? You,smartkat, would be an excellent adviser/councilor for her! Imagine how she feels now, after giving herself to a cheater (financial cheater,and who knows what else). Notice the similarities? a trust/communication issue.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 17, 2016 14:04:48 GMT -5
Money, money, money,= control. Another issue in ending our marriage I did go to a funeral (on my B.D. The closure was good for me). Of a friend who was married with three young daughters. She died at age 40 in a tragic accident, in there own yard. I watched her daughter when she was one years old while volunteering at church. She was president of M.O.P.S. (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) She will be greatly missed by anyone who knew her. A radiant fun loving person. A light in a dark place. Her and her husband worked thier way up to owning and and operating a very large thrift store. She would greet their customers with " let me help you find your treasure today". So,yes, other people with other problems. Ugh. This is just awful. That realisation that life can be over in the blink of an eye is just overwhelming to me sometimes. It's a reminder to be thankful for the now, but also a reminder that none of us is invincible. No ones getting out alive. Let's make the most of life. Let's get out of our SM's before we can't anymore. A patient of mine in her 30's with 3 youngsters went to the doctor with a neck and headache. He sent her home. Dead within 12 hours from toxic shock syndrome. Young fit and healthy. Awesome hockey player too. Do you mind me asking what happened to the lovely lady? I'm 40 too and don't want this to be it! If I can avoid the same incident that befell her I will! xxx |
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Post by becca on Oct 17, 2016 14:11:42 GMT -5
Money, money, money,= control. Another issue in ending our marriage I did go to a funeral (on my B.D. The closure was good for me). Of a friend who was married with three young daughters. She died at age 40 in a tragic accident, in there own yard. I watched her daughter when she was one years old while volunteering at church. She was president of M.O.P.S. (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) She will be greatly missed by anyone who knew her. A radiant fun loving person. A light in a dark place. Her and her husband worked thier way up to owning and and operating a very large thrift store. She would greet their customers with " let me help you find your treasure today". So,yes, other people with other problems. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. What a tragedy for all her friends and family. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 17, 2016 14:15:25 GMT -5
Do you mind me asking what happened to the lovely lady? I'm 40 too and don't want this to be it! If I can avoid the same incident that befell her I will! xxx My friend was a passenger,riding in a golf cart in there own backyard. Somehow the driver lost control, the cart went down an embankment and landed on it's side in a canal. (canals are popular in Florida) It is under investigation. The whole story is....well, shocking. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 17, 2016 15:47:35 GMT -5
Do you mind me asking what happened to the lovely lady? I'm 40 too and don't want this to be it! If I can avoid the same incident that befell her I will! xxx My friend was a passenger,riding in a golf cart in there own backyard. Somehow the driver lost control, the cart went down an embankment and landed on it's side in a canal. (canals are popular in Florida) It is under investigation. The whole story is....well, shocking. Good grief. How terrible. I'm so sorry GC. I live amidst lots waterways too and we do see vehicles go in every now and then. Sending you love xxx |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Oct 17, 2016 15:49:08 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Oct 17, 2016 16:30:25 GMT -5
It is a cautionary tale for all.
Any responsible adult must know their financial position.
If said responsible adult is married, or financially involved with another, then they must also know the other parties financial position, and the joint financial position.
All this, irrespective of whether the marriage is good - bad - or indifferent.
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It is a basic responsibility for any and every adult.
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I reckon just about everyone in this group knows of some person who has contracted an STD at some time.
In this context the "STD" being "Sexually Transmitted Debt".
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If "you" do not know your financial position, if you do not know your spouses financial position, if you don't know the joint financial position, then you are potentially looking down the barrel of financial armageddon.
And not necessarily by deliberate action by your spouse.
It can happen through incompetence just as readily.
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If you are not informed, fucking GET informed.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 17, 2016 16:42:56 GMT -5
It is a cautionary tale for all. Any responsible adult must know their financial position. If said responsible adult is married, or financially involved with another, then they must also know the other parties financial position, and the joint financial position. All this, irrespective of whether the marriage is good - bad - or indifferent. - It is a basic responsibility for any and every adult. - I reckon just about everyone in this group knows of some person who has contracted an STD at some time. In this context the "STD" being "Sexually Transmitted Debt". - If "you" do not know your financial position, if you do not know your spouses financial position, if you don't know the joint financial position, then you are potentially looking down the barrel of financial armageddon. And not necessarily by deliberate action by your spouse. It can happen through incompetence just as readily. - If you are not informed, fucking GET informed. I was always under the impression that "ours" & "his" finances were pretty tight. I had my own account & paycheck & I pitched in on the needed items & bought most "want" items. Alone I have so much more money even though I pay the same in rent as WE did for the mortgage. So even though I thought I knew all 3 financial positions- I was a bit misled by his pessimistic delivery of info. Know that I look at things, I am better off alone than I was with his stingy ass. |
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