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Post by RumRunner on Apr 13, 2016 16:11:11 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman? It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person. I would! Since when would the desire mean lack of respect? Why not both? Sex should be an expression to show the other how much you love and desire the one that you are with. So to have sex with someone and not take them seriously as a person would be shallow! |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 13, 2016 20:26:47 GMT -5
I put this on EP, too. What inspired this post: my problematic friend "Amy" was disparaging my taste in men; she said something like, "Don't you want a *decent* man?" (as opposed to a man who only cares about sex) I answered, "Well, I had Mr. Kat; and he was so 'decent' he wouldn't even be sexual with me." It's like one extreme or another: men I talk to online (I'm not dating IRL yet) seem to be either total horndogs, or else refusers. Where are the men in the middle of the two extremes? You are never going to get a representative sample of anything online, particularly where sex might be involved. |
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Post by JMX on Apr 13, 2016 20:52:47 GMT -5
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Post by unmatched on Apr 13, 2016 20:56:14 GMT -5
So if you use your brain it thrives, and if you don't it withers up and stops working properly. Hmmm ... sounds like a metaphor for something. |
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Post by JMX on Apr 13, 2016 20:58:05 GMT -5
Do both man!
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Post by TMD on Apr 13, 2016 21:23:17 GMT -5
. Then, many of guys I've encountered online only want to talk sexy with me. (Not all of them, but a lot of them.) A friend of mind did the online dating thing. She gave some good advice when a group of us were out one night, and to my right was a woman, also online dating, but not understanding why she could put find more than guys who want to hook up. Friend who was successful said that the key is to interact with the guys who show a sincere interest in you and your interests. Not the guys who touch base with things like, "hey sexy," and don't express any effort in getting to know who you are as a person. Im not there at the moment, but when I was searching for my AP, the guys who wanted to sext didn't hold my interest. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2016 17:11:40 GMT -5
. Then, many of guys I've encountered online only want to talk sexy with me. (Not all of them, but a lot of them.) A friend of mind did the online dating thing. She gave some good advice when a group of us were out one night, and to my right was a woman, also online dating, but not understanding why she could put find more than guys who want to hook up. Friend who was successful said that the key is to interact with the guys who show a sincere interest in you and your interests. Not the guys who touch base with things like, "hey sexy," and don't express any effort in getting to know who you are as a person. Im not there at the moment, but when I was searching for my AP, the guys who wanted to sext didn't hold my interest. I already spend very little time on guys who only want to sext. I've had plenty of practice deflecting them - after all, I have been on EP for 3 years! ;-) |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2016 20:58:33 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman? It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person. It is said that a man wants to go to bed with a whore and wake up with a virgin. So it stands to reason that a woman in whom a man can unite these archetypes would be the ideal woman for that man. No, I have no idea what I'm talking about. |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 17, 2016 21:01:02 GMT -5
It is also said that some men want to go to bed with a scrabble partner and wake up with their mummy. So it stands to reason that those men should be avoided at all costs!
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Post by deleted on Apr 28, 2016 7:13:58 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman? It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person. I don't know your friend and I won't pass judgement on her. Yes. I feel both for women. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2016 20:59:07 GMT -5
So it stands to reason that a woman in whom a man can unite these archetypes would be the ideal woman for that man. It is a really good theory. Emphasis on "theory". Perhaps you mean hypothesis. |
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Post by samedeepwater on Apr 29, 2016 6:39:02 GMT -5
Kind of sad in a way this question needs to be asked, but as we're all sufferers from post traumatic sexless disorder, I've asked others (and myself) a host of questions I never thought I would ask. Quick answer, Yes. I actually don't desire a woman I don't respect. I felt largely the same about my ex as you did about Mr. Kat. She was smart, funny, a great mom (still is) and we shared a lot of interests, long after we stopped sharing the bedroom. That experience didn't make me question if I was asking too much from a partner. That has more to do with me, though. I know I will never have the fulfillment I desire in a relationship unless I also respect my partner as a person.
I think you can have it all. I have to have it all. I learned during those last years of my marriage that I could find someone willing to scratch that itch if that was all I wanted. That wasn't all I wanted. I need someone to fill my mind and my soul, and my body. And I want someone who wants me to do that for them. Anything less isn't worth the struggle for the life I'm trying to build from the ashes of my accumulated decisions.
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 29, 2016 7:16:25 GMT -5
Kind of sad in a way this question needs to be asked, but as we're all sufferers from post traumatic sexless disorder, I've asked others (and myself) a host of questions I never thought I would ask. Quick answer, Yes. I actually don't desire a woman I don't respect. I felt largely the same about my ex as you did about Mr. Kat. She was smart, funny, a great mom (still is) and we shared a lot of interests, long after we stopped sharing the bedroom. That experience didn't make me question if I was asking too much from a partner. That has more to do with me, though. I know I will never have the fulfillment I desire in a relationship unless I also respect my partner as a person. I think you can have it all. I have to have it all. I learned during those last years of my marriage that I could find someone willing to scratch that itch if that was all I wanted. That wasn't all I wanted. I need someone to fill my mind and my soul, and my body. And I want someone who wants me to do that for them. Anything less isn't worth the struggle for the life I'm trying to build from the ashes of my accumulated decisions. Well said. |
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Post by LITW on Apr 29, 2016 10:42:24 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman? It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person. I certainly do, and I think that any real man would. I would not want to be sexual with a woman I did not respect, so desire and respect are of equal importance to me. I would run away from any woman who wanted sex with me but didnt respect me, or who respected me but didnt want me sexually. I would expect the reverse to be true as well. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 13:07:02 GMT -5
I guess what I DON'T want is either of these two kinds of men:
1) Men who only like me as a non-sexual, platonic friend. (These guys are great - as non-sexual, platonic friends for me. Not as a date, romantic interest, or partner.)
2) Men who want sex with me, but ONLY sex - who do not want to do anything else with me. (I'm not really the one-night-stand type - so there has to be something besides sex. I could deal with a FWB situation, but I take the "F" seriously.)
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