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Post by litnerd on Oct 9, 2016 17:59:58 GMT -5
I'm in a large group (2k+ women) for moms on FB. The main purpose of the group is breastfeeding/feeding support, but off topic threads are allowed. One of the women posted this video, saying something like "Oh my gosh, this is so me! [laughing crying emoji]" The comments were filled with women who all agreed. Not one dissenting opinion. www.facebook.com/viralthread/videos/571687619687606/I know that I get touched out and have no desire for sex during the first several months after I have a baby. I'm actually looking forward to losing my sex drive for a while (it took almost 2 years to completely return after my last baby), but outside of postpartum recovery (I won't have sex until my doctor clears me, and H seems to be hornier than usual during that time...probably because he knows there won't be any follow through), I have never refused sex. Maybe because I know how painful it is? I cried watching the video. Seeing all these women laughing about denying sex was a lot more triggering than I expected. I know a lot of my close friends talk about turning down their SOs occasionally, but they're also having sex more than a few times a year. Chances are, a lot of these women are in the same boat and have totally normal sex lives where they occasionally have to tell heir spouse to get it on with his/her hand because dealing with young children 24/7 is *exhausting*, but I'm not in one of those relationships. The fact that we have children at all is really a giant testament to our combined fertility, because it statistically should never have happened. |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Oct 9, 2016 18:32:22 GMT -5
This video is hitting a nerve, @andie posted it in the Lighter Side thread tonight also. Watching it broke my heart
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Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2016 18:37:55 GMT -5
Watching it breaks my heart. Seriously. There are times when I've eaten a very fibrous dinner and I'm full of farts wanting to escape. But of he were to reach out to me, damn skippy I'm reaching back!
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 9, 2016 19:23:04 GMT -5
For 13 years,I reached for her. Only her. I did everything I could think of to make sure she knew I wanted her and that she was beautiful. Even when I knew she would refuse. Even when I wasn't important to her, even when she looked at me with impatience because I was asking for her attention.
This is me when I stop reaching.
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 9, 2016 20:51:59 GMT -5
But I do wonder if she will have such a cavalier attitude when he is having an affair.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Oct 9, 2016 21:27:58 GMT -5
Or when he leaves her.
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Post by baza on Oct 9, 2016 21:38:23 GMT -5
There seems to be a pretty common theme on facebook - in my limited experience.
That being the sheep mentality.
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If "you" put up a comment on "your" page, your "facebook friends" will generally support the position you are taking, or at worst say something banal and non commital.
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If someone sneaks in with a dissenting opinion, then the herd will usually circle and defend itself.
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If you are looking for robust discussion and well argued different points of view, facebook is probably not the place to be looking.
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Your breastfeeding group would be a case in point Siste litnerd.
Poster puts up something about refusing sex post birth, a few people 'like' it, the tone is set, supportive comments follow, more likes, even more supportive comments ensue, more likes, and the juggernaut is underway.
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The fact that - "The comments were filled with women who all agreed. Not one dissenting opinion" - to quote you, is hardly surprising.
That's facebook (again, in my limited opinion).
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Post by beachguy on Oct 10, 2016 8:09:38 GMT -5
That FB thread is why I'd never be stupid enough to marry again ... Although it seemed to be dominated by one asexual bitch with a divorce or cheating husband in her future. She's insisting sex is not a need and she'll keep insisting right into the post divorce poor house
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 10, 2016 14:25:15 GMT -5
I reached out...
when I had a horrible day at work yet still stopped on the way home to buy you flowers, to say you were worth coming home to.
when you had a bad day and I wanted to make you feel better.
when you were scared and I wanted to comfort you.
when you didn't feel pretty and I wanted you to know that you were sexy.
when you felt unworthy of love and I wanted to show you that I was full of love for you.
when you felt alone and I wanted you to know I was there.
when you accomplished a lot and I wanted to say more than just "Thank you"
when you felt unimportant and I wanted to show that I loved you.
But once too many times I was rejected. So I stopped. I no longer reached for you. I knew the answer already.
So I reached for someone else.
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Post by Caris on Oct 10, 2016 21:23:46 GMT -5
wewbwb, This touched my heart. Most women can only dream of such qualities in a man of their own. To be loved and cherished like that. It's too sad.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 11, 2016 2:24:36 GMT -5
wewbwb , This touched my heart. Most women can only dream of such qualities in a man of their own. To be loved and cherished like that. It's too sad. I would do anything in the world that I could for someone who loved and cherished and had sexual passion for me. But sadly for me also, all I've received is rejection and criticism for the past 16 years. And after awhile I quit trying. She is just my roommate now. And as I read some of those comments from some of those women who making some pretty rude and cutting remarks about how sex wasn't the most important thing and other cutting comments about men, it broke my heart and brought tears to my eyes, but it helped me realize that again, I'm not alone in this.
And my heart also goes out to those women who are rejected by their husbands, who try to love and cherish their husbands but are rejected and hurt so badly by them. I cannot for the life of me understand how a man does that. They don't or can't begin to understand how lucky their are and how someone like myself, who lives in the SM hell with a woman who doesn't love, appreciate or desires me, would trade places with them in a moment. Like you said Caris, I too dream for a woman who wants to be loved, cherished, desired and is affectionate and passionate. It is very, very sad. None of this rejection behavior is love, but somehow, in the rejectors mind they think it is love.
After having lived with the same kind of rejections that are in the video, it brought tears to my eyes. The video may have been meant to be humorous, but for very, very many of us, it's a very sad, painful reality, and it's not funny.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 11, 2016 11:45:04 GMT -5
Reading the comments, one thing sticks out...
Monogamy is not an entitlement but there seem to be hordes of overly entitled women out there. Monogamy is, in the real world, a privilege to be treasured and nurtured.
There are tons of future divorcees in that thread, pity they won't get it until he walks out.
And for the ladies here, it cuts both ways of course
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Post by csl on Oct 11, 2016 11:48:00 GMT -5
Okay, I admit that my first thought was uncharitable; "So this is where all the Fridigaires congregate."
So un-Christian of me.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2016 13:51:35 GMT -5
[Insert the usual SK rant about how the frigid bitches take all the good guys out of the dating pool. Include creative profanity and anguished wail: "What's so great about those women? What have they got that I haven't got?!"]
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Post by beachguy on Oct 11, 2016 14:50:55 GMT -5
[Insert the usual SK rant about how the frigid bitches take all the good guys out of the dating pool. Include creative profanity and anguished wail: "What's so great about those women? What have they got that I haven't got?!"] They all managed to fuck their way to the alter. One way or the other... |
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