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Post by ggold on Oct 2, 2016 0:45:58 GMT -5
Yes folks, the day is almost here. Oct. 3rd. 23 years. Dear LORD!! I cannot believe that I am going to be married for 23 years.
My stomach is in knots. I don't know how he feels about it, but I just want the day to come and go. No cards, no flowers, no acknowledgement of it at all.
I really do not think he will give me anything this year. I have repeatedly made it clear that our marriage is over. He is in his own world, though, so I don't know what to expect.
I've been kind of sad the past few days. I am emotionally tired. I'm tired of being in this marriage void of intimacy and connection. I am tired of going to bed alone every single night. I am tired of the feeling of emptiness. I am tired of living with the tension and lack of communication.
I know..."G, get out. Start moving on your exit plan."
I'm not going to make excuses for why I haven't moved forward. I am just SO FUCKING SCARED.
We have not spoken about our marital situation in weeks. He's been in therapy and I don't even know what is going on with that. We are living exactly the same as we have been.
I know what I have to do. I know now more than ever. When??? God...I need the strength to do it. To get out and be free. Time is going by so quickly and here I am...sad and so fucking lonely.
:-(
Happy Anniversary to me. Right.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 2, 2016 2:42:01 GMT -5
Yes folks, the day is almost here. Oct. 3rd. 23 years. Dear LORD!! I cannot believe that I am going to be married for 23 years. My stomach is in knots. I don't know how he feels about it, but I just want the day to come and go. No cards, no flowers, no acknowledgement of it at all. I really do not think he will give me anything this year. I have repeatedly made it clear that our marriage is over. He is in his own world, though, so I don't know what to expect. I've been kind of sad the past few days. I am emotionally tired. I'm tired of being in this marriage void of intimacy and connection. I am tired of going to bed alone every single night. I am tired of the feeling of emptiness. I am tired of living with the tension and lack of communication. I know..."G, get out. Start moving on your exit plan." I'm not going to make excuses for why I haven't moved forward. I am just SO FUCKING SCARED. We have not spoken about our marital situation in weeks. He's been in therapy and I don't even know what is going on with that. We are living exactly the same as we have been. I know what I have to do. I know now more than ever. When??? God...I need the strength to do it. To get out and be free. Time is going by so quickly and here I am...sad and so fucking lonely. :-( Happy Anniversary to me. Right. Aaaah ggold. Sista, I'm there with you! We were 17 years yesterday and no one said a word!! To me it marks another year of wasted life. Another year that has pottered by because of my inability to act. I'm trying to be kind to myself though, I am moving forward emotionally and intellectually. It's a process not a snap decision. Crunch time gets closer. We'll get there for sure. Hugs xxxxxx |
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Post by baza on Oct 2, 2016 5:19:44 GMT -5
In the thread "How Many Attempts ?", responders thus far (there's not a lot of them just now) allude to the fact that the lack of a do-able exit strategy is where most escape attempts founder.
Or, indeed completely fail to get off the ground.
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So the obvious question Sisters ggold and EO is = have you got your legal advice, your exit strategy in do-able shape, your support network shored up, your research about helping kids through such a process done ?
In other words, are you as fully prepared as you can be to undertake this enormous task ?
-
When you are fully prepared, you'll have a legitimate shot at escaping.
Until then, you won't.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 2, 2016 8:04:08 GMT -5
In the thread "How Many Attempts ?", responders thus far (there's not a lot of them just now) allude to the fact that the lack of a do-able exit strategy is where most escape attempts founder. Or, indeed completely fail to get off the ground. - So the obvious question Sisters ggold and EO is = have you got your legal advice, your exit strategy in do-able shape, your support network shored up, your research about helping kids through such a process done ? In other words, are you as fully prepared as you can be to undertake this enormous task ? - When you are fully prepared, you'll have a legitimate shot at escaping. Until then, you won't. Short answer is no ha ha. It's ongoing xx |
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Post by warmways on Oct 2, 2016 8:56:39 GMT -5
15 years on Wednesday.
Courage to us
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 2, 2016 9:54:03 GMT -5
Hey G! I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I can very much relate to the dreaded anniversary. Year 22 we went out to dinner with the kids and basically ignored each other. We did exchange cards but those are just words and mean nothing. The card I chose was a funny non meaningful one. The last Father's Day together I didn't get him a card. Here's the thing and there's two sides to the coin: Side one - the cat is out of the bag, he knows you are unhappy so why even say Happy Anniversary because no one is happy let alone buy a card. Side two- Keeping the peace for the sake of the kids. I always went this route. No matter what you are still a family unit and the marriage is what started the family. Even if you divorce there will still be a family unit as long as there are kids involved. So I'm not saying so much to celebrate but maybe make the best of the day in whatever way you can. I It's just a day and it will pass like all the others. Oh and I would definitely work a nap and some alone time into the day for myself but that's me!  . Big hugs for you honey and if you want to talk you know I'm here. |
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 2, 2016 12:18:45 GMT -5
Also the day is a Monday so at least you are both at work and depending
on your work schedules can get to spend 8-12 hours apart, then there's sleeping - go to bed early, another 8 hours of sleep. Before you know it - it's Oct. 4th!! Hugs!
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Post by ggold on Oct 2, 2016 12:36:33 GMT -5
bballgirl Thank you. I will reach out. Just struggling right now. I'm riding this roller coaster. It's not fun.
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Post by ggold on Oct 2, 2016 12:36:52 GMT -5
15 years on Wednesday. Courage to us ((hugs)) I'm right there with you. xo |
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Post by ggold on Oct 2, 2016 12:43:35 GMT -5
In the thread "How Many Attempts ?", responders thus far (there's not a lot of them just now) allude to the fact that the lack of a do-able exit strategy is where most escape attempts founder. Or, indeed completely fail to get off the ground. - So the obvious question Sisters ggold and EO is = have you got your legal advice, your exit strategy in do-able shape, your support network shored up, your research about helping kids through such a process done ? In other words, are you as fully prepared as you can be to undertake this enormous task ? - When you are fully prepared, you'll have a legitimate shot at escaping. Until then, you won't. * Yes, I have gotten legal advice. It scared me even more. * My exit strategy is not in do-able shape. I am not in a position to just serve him with divorce papers. We have three young kids, one son is special needs, I work part-time, my daughter is in day care. Financially we would be unable to divorce right now. We also need to have honest discussions on what divorce and custody could look like for us. I need us to be a team, especially for our children. * I have an amazing support network. I am secure in this area. * My one son is in therapy. Soon, I will get oldest into therapy. I will do all I can to get them the support they need when this process begins. I'm sure they already feel the heaviness in the air. So baza, I know I cannot escape today, tomorrow... BUT I am determined to escape. That I know for sure. |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Oct 2, 2016 12:44:12 GMT -5
Sending everyone positivity and strength. Anniversaries are such crap days in SM life....{{hugs}}
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Post by Dan on Oct 4, 2016 14:20:31 GMT -5
Yes folks, the day is almost here. Oct. 3rd. 23 years. Dear LORD!! I cannot believe that I am going to be married for 23 years. My stomach is in knots. I don't know how he feels about it, but I just want the day to come and go. No cards, no flowers, no acknowledgement of it at all. Hoping you made it through the day -- sorry to hear of the stress that I and so many others here know all too well. Both the stress of "ugh another dreaded anniversary" AND the stress of "I REALLY want to exit, but can't pull that off at this time". Attempting to send soothing vibes your way... Try to find some peace, my friend. |
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Post by ggold on Oct 4, 2016 15:40:38 GMT -5
Yes folks, the day is almost here. Oct. 3rd. 23 years. Dear LORD!! I cannot believe that I am going to be married for 23 years. My stomach is in knots. I don't know how he feels about it, but I just want the day to come and go. No cards, no flowers, no acknowledgement of it at all. Hoping you made it through the day -- sorry to hear of the stress that I and so many others here know all too well. Both the stress of "ugh another dreaded anniversary" AND the stress of "I REALLY want to exit, but can't pull that off at this time". Attempting to send soothing vibes your way... Try to find some peace, my friend. xoxo I made it through the day, but it was hard. I feel better today. I even wrote him a two paged letter expressing my feelings. I wrote it lovingly. It was not harsh or mean. I got out my feelings and expressed to him that we need to communicate and work as a team to get through this and for our kids. We'll see how he responds. |
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Post by Dan on Oct 4, 2016 16:10:30 GMT -5
Attempting to send soothing vibes your way... Try to find some peace, my friend. xoxo I made it through the day, but it was hard. I feel better today. I even wrote him a two paged letter expressing my feelings. I wrote it lovingly. It was not harsh or mean. I got out my feelings and expressed to him that we need to communicate and work as a team to get through this and for our kids. We'll see how he responds. , my friend: I just want to point out what a huge heart you show in that account: • you are struggling with an enormous personal pain; • you are addressing your letter *to* the person causing you that pain; • and yet, you focus not on the pain but rather how you still have to work as a team for the benefit of your children. Props to you for showing an amazing strength of character. Your children -- and even your husband -- are lucky to have you. |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 4, 2016 18:13:23 GMT -5
That letter is an appropriate anniversary card.
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. Big hugs for you honey and if you want to talk you know I'm here. 
