I know that he doesn't give a fuck......but this also seems to be part of Asperger's.....he just doesn't 'get it'. But then neither do I
?
Asperger? Are you sure? There are many ways of (apparently) not giving a fuck. Sociopath/psychopath, narcissist, neurotic armor,
don-juanism without the sex part, much as that sounds like an oxymoron, but as definition of transient non-bonding relationships.
And more. Deep seated defense mechanisms, deep seated lack of the ability to, or fear of, trust and letting go......
Asperger is an autism spectrum disorder. It is, really, not very different from 'high functioning autism' with a different name on it.
One very good questionaire is to actually tick the boxes of autism. Allergic to loud noises? Allergic to touch? Smells? Can't deal with any
rapidly changing situation? Can not talk to strangers? Odd obsessions and phobias? No tolerance for ambiguity or frustration?
Basically: no input filters lead to overcharging/overwhelming the brain. Shuts down in stressful situations, more likely than not
ending in a violent, often self-harming tantrum.
Ever found him (or yourself, since you identify yourself as having Aspie traits) banging his head on the doorpost or screaming like a
wounded animal when something doesn't go his way?
Contrary to a common meme, autism and Asperger's does not entail above average specific intelligence like the idiot savant as
portrayed by Dustin Hoffman in the film (what was the title). It happens, but it's actually very rare. Most people with autism
are in deep, deep shit. It's not a get-out-of-jail-card, ffs...
Seriously, I would hit anyone who says either you or your S.O. has Asperger's with a whopping great big nerf stick. if you had it,
you would NOT, NOT, NOT have hopped into bed with that body builder from work. No.Freaking.Way. You'd be more likely sitting
in front of a monitor in your basement, playing computer games, screaming at the screen and hitting the keyboard with your fists.
You would not be craving intimacy - you would dread the very prospect of it.
----
I have a friend with an Aspie kid. He ticks all the boxes. He's 20 and can't make a sandwich because he's scared of knives.
Can't work, because there's people around when he has to stack boxes at Walmart.
I had an adult friend, borderline autistic traits. Neuroscientist. Happy in her lab, she actually craves contact. Just doesn't work for her.
1st, the rigidity: if you want to watch tv at her house, you have to do so with earphones cause the noise bothers her.
You're not allowed to touch the walls, you're not allowed to do this, that and the other. Can't understand why I gently suggested
to her that smashing the network cable in the door to her room at my house was maybe a bad idea "nothing but stupid rules
in your house!".
Hates for people to talk about "badmouthing" other people, and then goes on to bitch about everybody at the lab for hours ...
And, viz the sensory overload bit I mentioned up above, told me that when she orgasms, it just goes on for hours, does not shut off.
No, I didn't bonk her, she hopped into bed with me one evening and just grabbed me, I told her no. I was still in my post breakup
phase - there were no clear boundaries set w.r.t. the relationship, and she was about as sensitive with my body - well, no, sensitive
did not even come into the room. You don't just jump into a guy's bed, grab his penis and start yanking on it as a subtle method of
seduction. At least you ask before grabbing.
The poor woman tries to involve herself in all sorts of things, every time it blows up after a very short time, because she can't understand what the
people are about. WHY did the mandolin orchestra not take her on a tour of Australia after 3 weeks? The sailing, the golfing,
the painting, the tai chi ... everything blows up on her.
After some 10 years of having her stay for the X-mas holidays I blew up on her too, when she was being entirely to tantrum-childish,
ruining the whole time of her stay for my new wife and me. It was completely toxic and the following year she got un-invited when she
wanted to come up. {sigh}
Autism is no fun. Why anyone would want to slap that label on themselves is beyond me. It irks me when people throw that label
around without some very very good reasoning behind it.
?
