|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 7, 2016 11:11:23 GMT -5
I met two friends at a club last nite to try out line dancing and take a lesson. EVERY song has a unique line dance. Some looked fun and we gave it a try. The line dance lesson was an extremely complicated dance for Real Life that in no way resembled the one on YouTube. I had thought I'd get a primer and practice some of the dances at home. Useless. The good thing was my male friend, Bob is an EXCELLENT dancer and tried to teach me the Two Step (short, short, long, long) which is different from the Texas Two Step (faster dance - step, step, back). I couldn't catch the downbeat in the music so I couldn't get the rhythm of the dance. It was pretty awkward and I felt sorry for poor Bob and very much appreciated his patience with me.
While we were taking a break and watching couples dance, I had a sudden longing for my husband to be there with me dancing, making a physical connection, enjoying each other and the music. Things like that pop into my head at odd times and I let them sit for a moment. I allow myself to feel the absence and let it drift out. Then I turn back to the fun at hand.
I returned home and told hub about the dancing and how I'd like if he would come with me on Tuesdays and learn the dances. I told him he could sit and watch the line dance and we could learn the couple dances together. He laughed and said "No, you go have fun." I knew he would say no and give me permission to continue to go without him. It also gave me an evening away without a question as to where I would be......
I find things I like to do. I invite hub to join me. He says no. I go alone or with friends. I have a fun time.
|
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Sept 7, 2016 11:54:52 GMT -5
I met two friends at a club last nite to try out line dancing and take a lesson. EVERY song has a unique line dance. Some looked fun and we gave it a try. The line dance lesson was an extremely complicated dance for Real Life that in no way resembled the one on YouTube. I had thought I'd get a primer and practice some of the dances at home. Useless. The good thing was my male friend, Bob is an EXCELLENT dancer and tried to teach me the Two Step (short, short, long, long) which is different from the Texas Two Step (faster dance - step, step, back). I couldn't catch the downbeat in the music so I couldn't get the rhythm of the dance. It was pretty awkward and I felt sorry for poor Bob and very much appreciated his patience with me. While we were taking a break and watching couples dance, I had a sudden longing for my husband to be there with me dancing, making a physical connection, enjoying each other and the music. Things like that pop into my head at odd times and I let them sit for a moment. I allow myself to feel the absence and let it drift out. Then I turn back to the fun at hand. I returned home and told hub about the dancing and how I'd like if he would come with me on Tuesdays and learn the dances. I told him he could sit and watch the line dance and we could learn the couple dances together. He laughed and said "No, you go have fun." I knew he would say no and give me permission to continue to go without him. It also gave me an evening away without a question as to where I would be...... I find things I like to do. I invite hub to join me. He says no. I go alone or with friends. I have a fun time. Good for you! Like is always said here, we can't change our refusers, only ourselves. I see us as caterpillars in cocoons, developing, awaiting to emerge from our SM as butterflies and how wonderfully beautiful we will be for ourselves and others/
|
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 7, 2016 20:30:42 GMT -5
Take care of your self, your interests, make sure you have some fun. This is a minimum of self-care, really. Good for you!
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Sept 8, 2016 0:12:22 GMT -5
Quoting you here Sister R - "I find things I like to do. I invite hub to join me. He says no. I go alone or with friends. I have a fun time"
-
This is an excellent philosophy.
-
It is really unwise to put ones life on 'hold' waiting for a recalcitrant spouse to join you in a fun endevour.
Doing things you find life enhancing is a great idea.
Whether your spouse attends / engages or not.
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Sept 8, 2016 10:06:50 GMT -5
I met two friends at a club last nite to try out line dancing and take a lesson. EVERY song has a unique line dance. Some looked fun and we gave it a try. The line dance lesson was an extremely complicated dance for Real Life that in no way resembled the one on YouTube. I had thought I'd get a primer and practice some of the dances at home. Useless. The good thing was my male friend, Bob is an EXCELLENT dancer and tried to teach me the Two Step (short, short, long, long) which is different from the Texas Two Step (faster dance - step, step, back). I couldn't catch the downbeat in the music so I couldn't get the rhythm of the dance. It was pretty awkward and I felt sorry for poor Bob and very much appreciated his patience with me. While we were taking a break and watching couples dance, I had a sudden longing for my husband to be there with me dancing, making a physical connection, enjoying each other and the music. Things like that pop into my head at odd times and I let them sit for a moment. I allow myself to feel the absence and let it drift out. Then I turn back to the fun at hand. I returned home and told hub about the dancing and how I'd like if he would come with me on Tuesdays and learn the dances. I told him he could sit and watch the line dance and we could learn the couple dances together. He laughed and said "No, you go have fun." I knew he would say no and give me permission to continue to go without him. It also gave me an evening away without a question as to where I would be...... I find things I like to do. I invite hub to join me. He says no. I go alone or with friends. I have a fun time. Good for you! Like is always said here, we can't change our refusers, only ourselves. I see us as caterpillars in cocoons, developing, awaiting to emerge from our SM as butterflies and how wonderfully beautiful we will be for ourselves and others/
I agree with you so much about the butterfly concept. Every year I buy a new Christmas ornament and last year I bought a beautiful butterfly because it represented that metamorphic process as I was going through the divorce and moving out. |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Sept 8, 2016 10:10:42 GMT -5
I met two friends at a club last nite to try out line dancing and take a lesson. EVERY song has a unique line dance. Some looked fun and we gave it a try. The line dance lesson was an extremely complicated dance for Real Life that in no way resembled the one on YouTube. I had thought I'd get a primer and practice some of the dances at home. Useless. The good thing was my male friend, Bob is an EXCELLENT dancer and tried to teach me the Two Step (short, short, long, long) which is different from the Texas Two Step (faster dance - step, step, back). I couldn't catch the downbeat in the music so I couldn't get the rhythm of the dance. It was pretty awkward and I felt sorry for poor Bob and very much appreciated his patience with me. While we were taking a break and watching couples dance, I had a sudden longing for my husband to be there with me dancing, making a physical connection, enjoying each other and the music. Things like that pop into my head at odd times and I let them sit for a moment. I allow myself to feel the absence and let it drift out. Then I turn back to the fun at hand. I returned home and told hub about the dancing and how I'd like if he would come with me on Tuesdays and learn the dances. I told him he could sit and watch the line dance and we could learn the couple dances together. He laughed and said "No, you go have fun." I knew he would say no and give me permission to continue to go without him. It also gave me an evening away without a question as to where I would be...... I find things I like to do. I invite hub to join me. He says no. I go alone or with friends. I have a fun time. I did the same thing for years going out with friends by myself. It got to the point I no longer felt like I was in a marriage and decided that a divorce would not change my life too drastically. Good for you for putting yourself out there to enjoy life!! |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Sept 9, 2016 8:32:01 GMT -5
I will say in defense of your husband, ( a very week little defense) learning to dance at a club or bar can be humiliating, and very uncomfortable. Having said that, I once went to a church that had a singles group, that had dances every month. I went to Arthur Murray for a year, 5days a week. I was the only young man there, it was very fun and did wonders for my confidence. The only problem seemed to be were else to go to dance? Mostly bar scenes with small dance floors and few people who knew how to dance.
Which leads me to my STBX. I taught her how to dance, to follow my lead, timing rhythm ,etc.... She would never set foot in a bar. So dancing has fallen by the wayside for 24 yrs. I look forward to putting fresh grease on the chain again. Seeing if it truly is like riding a bike, you never forget.
|
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Sept 9, 2016 9:55:57 GMT -5
I will say in defense of your husband, ( a very week little defense) learning to dance at a club or bar can be humiliating, and very uncomfortable. Having said that, I once went to a church that had a singles group, that had dances every month. I went to Arthur Murray for a year, 5days a week. I was the only young man there, it was very fun and did wonders for my confidence. The only problem seemed to be were else to go to dance? Mostly bar scenes with small dance floors and few people who knew how to dance. Which leads me to my STBX. I taught her how to dance, to follow my lead, timing rhythm ,etc.... She would never set foot in a bar. So dancing has fallen by the wayside for 24 yrs. I look forward to putting fresh grease on the chain again. Seeing if it truly is like riding a bike, you never forget. I will NOT defend her husband - I warn you - it's not like riding a bike (at least it wasn't for me) However, that really isn't the important part. The important part is this:  I found this to be "mostly" true. |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Sept 9, 2016 11:27:19 GMT -5
My experience was women who would not speak to me,give me the time off day, or acknowledge my existence, would come up to me, literally grab me, fight over me at a dance. Because I was a pawn for them, I made them look good on the dance floor. While the other half of an evening would be asking, and showing the" wall flowers" how to dance. Then receiving heartfelt thank you and a good time had by all.
The difference in giving and taking.
Boy, not even a weak, little, defense can even be mentioned in passing. Tough crowd!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2016 11:44:08 GMT -5
My experience was women who would not speak to me,give me the time off day, or acknowledge my existence, would come up to me, literally grab me, fight over me at a dance. Because I was a pawn for them, I made them look good on the dance floor. While the other half of an evening would be asking, and showing the" wall flowers" how to dance. Then receiving heartfelt thank you and a good time had by all. The difference in giving and taking. Boy, not even a weak, little, defense can even be mentioned in passing. Tough crowd! You are 100% spot on GC. Usually if you ask a woman to dance they may give one try which is known as a 'courtesy dance'. That one 'courtesy dance' is all for the evening. Until you show them you can lead and they are then 100% different towards you. Then women smile at you and hope you will come up and ask them to dance. They laugh and flirt with you like you cannot believe. They will even get up and ask you to dance because they like to dance and if you are a half-way decent lead you will be a wanted man. It is like riding a bike, and I wish I could remember 80% of what I learned, but the 20% I remember still probably puts me in pretty good stead because most men just don't dance and will not even try! I really do not get it?? |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Sept 9, 2016 12:49:57 GMT -5
Dancing was a an adventures time in my life. I would come home after a night at our singles group after dancing in my tux. Late into the night, and tell my roommate about the 14 or 16 different ladies I danced with. " oh I danced with all three Mary's, Rhonda, Susan, Debbie, then I asked ,Lynn, Cheryl ,Taylor, Lisa,and Barbara. " I still find photos of ladies I danced with. We would have themes at our dances, 50's night, old South Parties, Country Western,New Years, Christmas, etc... I would get to train a partner so we could give a display dance and divide the room. Then show the mans part, and the ladies. Sometimes there would be 450 of us in the gym.
Interesting enough my STBX was a Wall flower. It was her actions the next day at church that won me over. I was an usher at our large church, she found me and asked me to sit with her family. I told her that I was on the road 6 days a week, she gave me her 1-800 no. At work. Her brother drove an 18 wheeler too. Meanwhile one of the other ladies who used me as a pawn, had slung a door open that she wasn't supposed to, and knocked me off balance to the floor. She barely acknowledged it, and just kept on going, probably after some other guy. So yeah, people are fun!
Another factor is when you like to dance, you like the song that's playing, you have a ton of confidence, and a lady gives you a " courtesy dance". Then comes the " rejection" of a second dance. There's not many things like the feeling of coming back with, " that's fine I was done too", and turning around and dancing with someone else" leaving them standing alone. A lot happens on the dance floor!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2016 13:15:12 GMT -5
Dancing was a an adventures time in my life. I would come home after a night at our singles group after dancing in my tux. Late into the night, and tell my roommate about the 14 or 16 different ladies I danced with. " oh I danced with all three Mary's, Rhonda, Susan, Debbie, then I asked ,Lynn, Cheryl ,Taylor, Lisa,and Barbara. " I still find photos of ladies I danced with. We would have themes at our dances, 50's night, old South Parties, Country Western,New Years, Christmas, etc... I would get to train a partner so we could give a display dance and divide the room. Then show the mans part, and the ladies. Sometimes there would be 450 of us in the gym. Interesting enough my STBX was a Wall flower. It was her actions the next day at church that won me over. I was an usher at our large church, she found me and asked me to sit with her family. I told her that I was on the road 6 days a week, she gave me her 1-800 no. At work. Her brother drove an 18 wheeler too. Meanwhile one of the other ladies who used me as a pawn, had slung a door open that she wasn't supposed to, and knocked me off balance to the floor. She barely acknowledged it, and just kept on going, probably after some other guy. So yeah, people are fun! Another factor is when you like to dance, you like the song that's playing, you have a ton of confidence, and a lady gives you a " courtesy dance". Then comes the " rejection" of a second dance. There's not many things like the feeling of coming back with, " that's fine I was done too", and turning around and dancing with someone else" leaving them standing alone. A lot happens on the dance floor! You are indeed a lucky man to have these skills and you are going to be single again. Just find a nice place with good people and you will make friends so quickly with women that, damn, I am going to be one jealous friend! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2016 12:42:40 GMT -5
I never really learned how to dance.
I didn't take lessons. In the early to mid 80s, with the kids I hung out with, fast dancing meant the mosh pit. Slow dancing meant holding onto each other and swaying in time to the music.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2016 13:36:19 GMT -5
I never really learned how to dance. I didn't take lessons. In the early to mid 80s, with the kids I hung out with, fast dancing meant the mosh pit. Slow dancing meant holding onto each other and swaying in time to the music. It is never too late to learn @smartkat if it is something that you really want to do? |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Sept 10, 2016 22:21:02 GMT -5
I never really learned how to dance. I didn't take lessons. In the early to mid 80s, with the kids I hung out with, fast dancing meant the mosh pit. Slow dancing meant holding onto each other and swaying in time to the music. +1 I made some socially embarrassing attempts after high school that deterred me from club style / freeform dancing, which later became a sticking point with W. (Yeah, I was that schmuck who wouldn't take Baby dancing.) I later tried to get her interested in dance lessons, but apparently that bridge was burned. I'd still like to do it; someday. |
|
