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Post by wewbwb on Apr 12, 2016 11:07:12 GMT -5
Yes, my refuser had other priorities that were more important to him than our sex life. That was what he told me, in almost those words. I posted about this somewhere just a few minutes ago - I am a very undemanding girlfriend or wife. I don't ask for much. In a way, that's bad, because I have trouble asking for things when I really need them. But so many men complain about their wives being demanding, wanting money/a bigger house/kids/constant attention, etc. And I have asked the men in my life for so little. Sometimes I want to talk to those demanding women whose husbands still put up with that, and ask them, "How do you do it? How do you manage to give him so little and get him to give you so much?" Because I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I've loved someone who neglected me. It may very well be as simple as they give their men the sex they want. - I know that in the past - before W - I put up with a lot -because the sex was great. I was happy to "deal" with the "demands" - and yes I have no issue with a "sex incentive". Maybe that's just me but I actually think it's a bit hot. And yes, I know that makes me easy to "control". If I'm with a woman who understands me and we trust each other - it was never an issue. If I'm getting the sex and closeness I want from my partner - what's to control? Sadly Those women (2) and I split up for other reasons that had nothing to do with that. (Moving away- new jobs- College)
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 12, 2016 11:30:19 GMT -5
I posted about this somewhere just a few minutes ago - I am a very undemanding girlfriend or wife. I don't ask for much. In a way, that's bad, because I have trouble asking for things when I really need them. But so many men complain about their wives being demanding, wanting money/a bigger house/kids/constant attention, etc. And I have asked the men in my life for so little. Sometimes I want to talk to those demanding women whose husbands still put up with that, and ask them, "How do you do it? How do you manage to give him so little and get him to give you so much?" Because I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I've loved someone who neglected me. Wow. I can relate to this. I gave my XH and current (X?) SO everything. I have two other men in my life who are both pursuing me. I am not interested in either and I behave like a bitch but they keep coming back! I have a problem with being attracted to unavailable men and it seems that they have the same problem with unavailable women.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 12:03:16 GMT -5
Yes, my refuser had other priorities that were more important to him than our sex life. That was what he told me, in almost those words. I posted about this somewhere just a few minutes ago - I am a very undemanding girlfriend or wife. I don't ask for much. In a way, that's bad, because I have trouble asking for things when I really need them. But so many men complain about their wives being demanding, wanting money/a bigger house/kids/constant attention, etc. And I have asked the men in my life for so little. Sometimes I want to talk to those demanding women whose husbands still put up with that, and ask them, "How do you do it? How do you manage to give him so little and get him to give you so much?" Because I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I've loved someone who neglected me. It may very well be as simple as they give their men the sex they want. - I know that in the past - before W - I put up with a lot -because the sex was great. I was happy to "deal" with the "demands" - and yes I have no issue with a "sex incentive". Maybe that's just me but I actually think it's a bit hot. And yes, I know that makes me easy to "control". If I'm with a woman who understands me and we trust each other - it was never an issue. If I'm getting the sex and closeness I want from my partner - what's to control? Sadly Those women (2) and I split up for other reasons that had nothing to do with that. (Moving away- new jobs- College) I think maybe you misunderstood, or I didn't explain it clearly. I meant frigid refusing women, who ALSO insist on getting their own way about everything - and the men who put up with this. I'm willing to have sex. I don't ask for much. I'm like the opposite extreme from these psycho-bitches who refuse sex but ask for financial support, expensive houses, marriage vows, a lifetime free pass from work, etc. Yet, they get men and keep them - even when they're openly contemptuous of their men. Maybe my problem is that I'm not demanding enough. But in my experience, people go away when I ask for anything.
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 12, 2016 12:06:04 GMT -5
I'm sorry- yes, you're right. Frigid and demanding and still keeping those guys is hard to wrap my mind around.
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 12, 2016 22:56:16 GMT -5
I was happy to "deal" with the "demands" - and yes I have no issue with a "sex incentive". Maybe that's just me but I actually think it's a bit hot. And yes, I know that makes me easy to "control". If I'm with a woman who understands me and we trust each other - it was never an issue. If I'm getting the sex and closeness I want from my partner - what's to control? I've offered to W that I'm 100% OK with sexual bribery. I guess there's nothing she wants *that* badly. ;-)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 5:18:31 GMT -5
I was happy to "deal" with the "demands" - and yes I have no issue with a "sex incentive". Maybe that's just me but I actually think it's a bit hot. And yes, I know that makes me easy to "control". If I'm with a woman who understands me and we trust each other - it was never an issue. If I'm getting the sex and closeness I want from my partner - what's to control? I've offered to W that I'm 100% OK with sexual bribery. I guess there's nothing she wants *that* badly. ;-) This just kills me that you all have these wives. I would gladly have sex with my man (indeed politely demand it if it had been while and he enjoyed polite demanfs) and the reward is that we will both enjoy ourselves.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Apr 13, 2016 11:22:38 GMT -5
Controlling in extremis, narcissistic, and no interest and no drive. The perfect storm of emptiness.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 14:20:10 GMT -5
I think maybe you misunderstood, or I didn't explain it clearly. I meant frigid refusing women, who ALSO insist on getting their own way about everything - and the men who put up with this. I'm willing to have sex. I don't ask for much. I'm like the opposite extreme from these psycho-bitches who refuse sex but ask for financial support, expensive houses, marriage vows, a lifetime free pass from work, etc. Yet, they get men and keep them - even when they're openly contemptuous of their men. Maybe my problem is that I'm not demanding enough. But in my experience, people go away when I ask for anything. Kat, do you know my wife? You have just described her perfectly.
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 13, 2016 16:44:27 GMT -5
I've offered to W that I'm 100% OK with sexual bribery. I guess there's nothing she wants *that* badly. ;-) This just kills me that you all have these wives. I would gladly have sex with my man (indeed politely demand it if it had been while and he enjoyed polite demanfs) and the reward is that we will both enjoy ourselves. Need anything done around the house? Lawn cut? Car polished?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 16:47:54 GMT -5
This just kills me that you all have these wives. I would gladly have sex with my man (indeed politely demand it if it had been while and he enjoyed polite demanfs) and the reward is that we will both enjoy ourselves. Need anything done around the house? Lawn cut? Car polished? No, but I could use a massage :-p
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 13, 2016 17:00:18 GMT -5
Need anything done around the house? Lawn cut? Car polished? No, but I could use a massage :-p Anytime.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 17:04:23 GMT -5
No, but I could use a massage :-p Anytime. le sigh, if only
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Post by RumRunner on Apr 13, 2016 20:38:51 GMT -5
It may very well be as simple as they give their men the sex they want. - I know that in the past - before W - I put up with a lot -because the sex was great. I was happy to "deal" with the "demands" - and yes I have no issue with a "sex incentive". Maybe that's just me but I actually think it's a bit hot. And yes, I know that makes me easy to "control". If I'm with a woman who understands me and we trust each other - it was never an issue. If I'm getting the sex and closeness I want from my partner - what's to control? Sadly Those women (2) and I split up for other reasons that had nothing to do with that. (Moving away- new jobs- College) I think maybe you misunderstood, or I didn't explain it clearly. I meant frigid refusing women, who ALSO insist on getting their own way about everything - and the men who put up with this. I'm willing to have sex. I don't ask for much. I'm like the opposite extreme from these psycho-bitches who refuse sex but ask for financial support, expensive houses, marriage vows, a lifetime free pass from work, etc. Yet, they get men and keep them - even when they're openly contemptuous of their men. Maybe my problem is that I'm not demanding enough. But in my experience, people go away when I ask for anything. I think this goes both ways. There are men who expect their woman to practically be their slave, run the household, and to control every aspect of their life yet they go out and do whatever they want to do; I actually know a couple of guys like this! And for love, these woman stay in that environment. I do not understand that, not at all. I do believe that this world is full of users, male and female alike. It seems that many of the people that I know are self-serving and narcissistic in their own way. If your experience has been that people go away when you ask for something, it is more than likely the one you asked is only thinking of how it will benefit them instead of how it would help you. I have had that same experience myself.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 13, 2016 20:50:08 GMT -5
I think maybe you misunderstood, or I didn't explain it clearly. I meant frigid refusing women, who ALSO insist on getting their own way about everything - and the men who put up with this. I'm willing to have sex. I don't ask for much. I'm like the opposite extreme from these psycho-bitches who refuse sex but ask for financial support, expensive houses, marriage vows, a lifetime free pass from work, etc. Yet, they get men and keep them - even when they're openly contemptuous of their men. Maybe my problem is that I'm not demanding enough. But in my experience, people go away when I ask for anything. I think this goes both ways. There are men who expect their woman to practically be their slave, run the household, and to control every aspect of their life yet they go out and do whatever they want to do; I actually know a couple of guys like this! And for love, these woman stay in that environment. I do not understand that, not at all. I do believe that this world is full of users, male and female alike. It seems that many of the people that I know are self-serving and narcissistic in their own way. If your experience has been that people go away when you ask for something, it is more than likely the one you asked is only thinking of how it will benefit them instead of how it would help you. I have had that same experience myself. That is interesting because it clearly does go both ways and gender has nothing to do with it. I would hazard a guess that pretty much everybody in this forum would tend to the giving side of co-dependency, otherwise we wouldn't be here. So maybe we all have something to learn about standing up for what we want and being less concerned about other people's feelings. Then we might find it easier to filter out the abusers and the bottomless pits and start attracting people who are more balanced.
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Post by RumRunner on Apr 13, 2016 21:36:33 GMT -5
I think this goes both ways. There are men who expect their woman to practically be their slave, run the household, and to control every aspect of their life yet they go out and do whatever they want to do; I actually know a couple of guys like this! And for love, these woman stay in that environment. I do not understand that, not at all. I do believe that this world is full of users, male and female alike. It seems that many of the people that I know are self-serving and narcissistic in their own way. If your experience has been that people go away when you ask for something, it is more than likely the one you asked is only thinking of how it will benefit them instead of how it would help you. I have had that same experience myself. That is interesting because it clearly does go both ways and gender has nothing to do with it. I would hazard a guess that pretty much everybody in this forum would tend to the giving side of co-dependency, otherwise we wouldn't be here. So maybe we all have something to learn about standing up for what we want and being less concerned about other people's feelings. Then we might find it easier to filter out the abusers and the bottomless pits and start attracting people who are more balanced. Very true, and I agree. When I say I do not understand, I am not understanding the lack of empathy and the sense of entitlement on the refuser's part. I guess I don't understand because I am not wired that way nor would be anyone else in this group.
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