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Post by JMX on Apr 12, 2016 7:38:37 GMT -5
Can you imagine - if they all offered free consultations and you are out on "the list" so that your SO cannot retain that lawyer either (that's how it goes in my area to avoid conflict of interest). The lawyers are giving out all of this free advice, interviewing for one person and would never be able to retain the other. I would also be suspect if all lawyers did free consults. Time is money.
Get a referral from a friend and go with that one.
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Post by JMX on Apr 12, 2016 7:39:24 GMT -5
I have friends that have visited and consulted with all top attorneys so that their husband/wife cannot get the bulldog.
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Post by Dan on Apr 12, 2016 10:55:45 GMT -5
I have friends that have visited and consulted with all top attorneys so that their husband/wife cannot get the bulldog. WOW... positively devious/brilliant! There are WAY too many lawyers in my area for that. I have a different (slightly-fucked-up) idea. Going back ~10 years, I had a wonderful side-relationship for a year. After she divorced her then H and broke it off with me, she started dating and eventually married a divorce attorney. Alas, that fell apart last year. So I was thinking of using his services... then seeing if I could hook up with her again. LOTS of people getting screwed in that scenario!!! |
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Post by JMX on Apr 12, 2016 10:58:28 GMT -5
Hahahahaha!!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 12:09:46 GMT -5
I have friends that have visited and consulted with all top attorneys so that their husband/wife cannot get the bulldog. WOW... positively devious/brilliant! There are WAY too many lawyers in my area for that. I have a different (slightly-fucked-up) idea. Going back ~10 years, I had a wonderful side-relationship for a year. After she divorced her then H and broke it off with me, she started dating and eventually married a divorce attorney. Alas, that fell apart last year. So I was thinking of using his services... then seeing if I could hook up with her again. LOTS of people getting screwed in that scenario!!! ROFLMAO! Seriously? That sounds like the plot of a book or movie! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 15:48:07 GMT -5
Um, that is not really uncommon.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 15:50:39 GMT -5
I am sorry to disagree with some of you, but I am an attorney, and I do have to tell you that many attorneys who offer free first consultations are not the best attorneys. Most reputable attorneys I know think that if someone is not serious enough to pay to see a lawyer, that person is not serious enough to really go foward. Just my opinion. But surely lawyers must know that not everyone has enough money to spend on numerous consultations, so before spending it better get to know a lawyer a little in a free consultation before spending ones entire salary on him. I would have to struggle a lot for even one consultation. You have an excellent point. But lawyers are professionals just like doctors and the best ones really value their time. The really good ones here charge about $350 per hour. I would suggest that you ask for referrals. The best way to find a really good family law attorney is to go to the court coordinator for the family court in your county. Ask that person for suggestions. He/she will know better than anyone who the best divorce attorneys are. |
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 13, 2016 2:30:36 GMT -5
That is good advice. I have been browsing over here. There are not much lawyers in my area to choose from in the first place. I think it is difficult to know which one to choose. So good suggestions are very valuable. The money will be a big problem. If my father would not be willing to give me something, I would not see any chance to pay for this unless I would get a loan. But how to repay that after a divorce in combination with the alimony I will have to pay? I think many people who don't have money are forced to stay in bad marriages. I think that is horror. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 5:11:50 GMT -5
That is good advice. I have been browsing over here. There are not much lawyers in my area to choose from in the first place. I think it is difficult to know which one to choose. So good suggestions are very valuable. The money will be a big problem. If my father would not be willing to give me something, I would not see any chance to pay for this unless I would get a loan. But how to repay that after a divorce in combination with the alimony I will have to pay? I think many people who don't have money are forced to stay in bad marriages. I think that is horror. It was <$1000 for us to draw up a separation agreement with the help of a mediator. [once we figured out what we needed in our agreement and wrote the layman's terms at home and brought it to her for incorporation into a legal document, we realozed it could have been even cheaper if we did that at the beginning.] Our case was best-case scenario, uncomplicated and two parties preferring to be amicable theoughout the process and who wanted to preserve each other's good will which would not be possible with a legal fight. Meanwhile my sister has a messy divorce with an asshat whose primary interest seems to be being argumentative and costing them both much in legal fees (that neither have abundant money to pay). It's ridiculous, and sad because if the asshat could be less of an asshat, that could probably add up to pay for college tuition for one of their kids, at least. |
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 13, 2016 5:52:59 GMT -5
Here it can be done for very little money if both parties agree. But I know that will not be the case with my husband. It is almost certain that he won't want a mediator. According to him I have to stay, and if I leave he will make life as difficult as possible for me.
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Post by Dan on Apr 13, 2016 7:46:57 GMT -5
Here it can be done for very little money if both parties agree. But I know that will not be the case with my husband. It is almost certain that he won't want a mediator. According to him I have to stay, and if I leave he will make life as difficult as possible for me. My thinking is: if you don't have much money (to pay for two divorce attorneys -- yours and his), then that means you don't have many assets... therefore there is not much there worth fighting over! Seriously: if he is so vindictive and illogical that he would spend all your assets to get "his half" of them (which will then be zero after you pay the lawyers), well, may as well divorce him sooner than later. I think it would be fine if you wanted to start this discussion in its own thread. (I'm happy to discuss it here, but just saying -- for future reference -- when a totally new topic is introduced in a thread, it is reasonable to just start a new thread.) |
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 13, 2016 8:29:21 GMT -5
It is going to be a while before I will seriously dive into the attorney problem. For me at the moment not necessary to start a new thread.
We don't have many assets, but he will fight for an allowance. He will want as much as possible. I am the only one with an income. He depends on me financially. I am studying on the rules here in Belgium both for his and my side in a divorce.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 9:56:22 GMT -5
It is going to be a while before I will seriously dive into the attorney problem. For me at the moment not necessary to start a new thread. We don't have many assets, but he will fight for an allowance. He will want as much as possible. I am the only one with an income. He depends on me financially. I am studying on the rules here in Belgium both for his and my side in a divorce. He depends on you for an income? Why can't he get a job & support himself? |
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 14, 2016 4:03:30 GMT -5
He depends on you for an income? Why can't he get a job & support himself? There is a lot wrong with him. He has OCD and has a lot of physical problems too. I think he could work parttime if he had to, but I doubt that he will manage to find a job let alone keep it. He is an extreme perfectionist. What he does will be good, but it will be far to slow to please any employer. Initially he has been looking for a job for a long time, but back than he couldn't find any. Besides he looked extremely skinny and tired. Someone even asked him once if he had aids. (He doesn't have that of course). He gave up trying. We decided that I would be the breadwinner and he would be the houseman and stay-at-home dad. I agreed because I just didn't have much hope for succes for his job hunting and I didn't see the problem yet. Now he says I can't leave him because I have agreed with it that he stayed at home. Now he pretends that he gave up a career so that I can have a job. That is not the way I see it. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2016 21:24:51 GMT -5
But surely lawyers must know that not everyone has enough money to spend on numerous consultations, so before spending it better get to know a lawyer a little in a free consultation before spending ones entire salary on him. I would have to struggle a lot for even one consultation. You have an excellent point. But lawyers are professionals just like doctors and the best ones really value their time. The really good ones here charge about $350 per hour. I would suggest that you ask for referrals. The best way to find a really good family law attorney is to go to the court coordinator for the family court in your county. Ask that person for suggestions. He/she will know better than anyone who the best divorce attorneys are. Family law attorneys get lots of referrals from marriage counselors. That sounds like dark humor but it's true. If you know a marriage counselor he or she probably has some referrals too. |
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