Post by miestas on Apr 2, 2016 16:12:18 GMT -5
Just had something happen today that has set off that roller coaster mountainrunner mentioned. So I'm just going to ramble on a bit about it because sitting here thinking about it is driving me nuts. Feel free to stop reading here, because this is truly going to be a ramble.
I found EP ILIASM not too long ago. My first post there was asking for advice about my best friend, who had seemed to disconnect about 2 - 3 months ago. Anyway, what I didn't mention there was that I had grown very fond of that woman. Really, I was in love with her. But she is much younger than me, and married, and going through a very hard time with her own husband. (And if you read another of my posts over in EP, her husband just last month told her - by text, on Facebook, after he knew she was on a bus going to see her mother in another city - that he wanted a divorce. What a guy, huh?). So I made an incredibly stupid decision that it would be better for her if I didn't push too hard for her to come visit me in my country or vice versa. That it would be better for her if I did the honorable thing and all that.
But I still sent her gifts on her birthday and on Christmas, etc. This past Christmas, I couldn't help myself, and sent her a gift that was mildly romantic. A blue orchid that I pressed myself, mounted in a frame. In her country, that flower represents peace, strength, and love. So I mounted it on a piece of parchment with "Peace" printed above the flower, "Strength" printed beside it, and "Love" printed below it, all in her language. I included a short note in her language that said those traits were what I most admire about her. I was scared to death after I sent it. What had I been smoking when I did that, right?
She absolutely adored it. I was very happy because every time I've given those types of gifts to my wife, they are put away and never seen again.
Anyway, that was this last Christmas. Since then, she had been so supportive and sweet until February, when she just suddenly dropped off the map, which is when I wrote my post on ep.
Now where am I going with all this, you might rightfully ask? Here's the thing. She wrote me a letter that I receivd two days ago. In the letter, she says that two months ago, she made the conscious decision to pull back from "us" because she felt she was getting too dependent on me for her peace of mind. She said that if I didn't call or write, she would get "stupid sad", even when she knew that the reason I wouldn't write or call was because I was at work or with my family, etc. Now this is all well and good and she has done the right and healthy thing for herself, and I am happy for her. She has acquired new friends that she can and does go visit. Friends her age. A male friend her age. Whom she just went to visit after her husband handed her the divorce papers. In beautiful, coastal Malaga, Spain. Where she stayed with his very rich parents in their beautiful mansion.
OK, so maybe I'm just slightly conflicted. Slightly. I'm very glad that she has such a wonderful friend. But....well, you know.
Today I was looking through my Skype contacts and saw her name, and clicked it. It of course opened up with the details of our last skype session. And then I saw the one before that. It was just after Christmas. We had been talking and the signal had cut off. So she wrote to me instead. I read it again today. Shouldn't have done that. She said that she was so happy that day because she got a notice from the post office that she had a package there from the U.S. She knew that had to be her Christmas present from me. She was so excited and couldn't wait to see what it was. She said she loved me so much...
And finally we reach the point of all this. Reading that hurt me because I wanted to have that again so much, but it also made me so happy, you know? Well, I just went back to look at it again. Her profile picture is gone. All our conversations have been deleted by her.
So I'm lying in bed. I don't feel much like getting up again...ever.
I found EP ILIASM not too long ago. My first post there was asking for advice about my best friend, who had seemed to disconnect about 2 - 3 months ago. Anyway, what I didn't mention there was that I had grown very fond of that woman. Really, I was in love with her. But she is much younger than me, and married, and going through a very hard time with her own husband. (And if you read another of my posts over in EP, her husband just last month told her - by text, on Facebook, after he knew she was on a bus going to see her mother in another city - that he wanted a divorce. What a guy, huh?). So I made an incredibly stupid decision that it would be better for her if I didn't push too hard for her to come visit me in my country or vice versa. That it would be better for her if I did the honorable thing and all that.
But I still sent her gifts on her birthday and on Christmas, etc. This past Christmas, I couldn't help myself, and sent her a gift that was mildly romantic. A blue orchid that I pressed myself, mounted in a frame. In her country, that flower represents peace, strength, and love. So I mounted it on a piece of parchment with "Peace" printed above the flower, "Strength" printed beside it, and "Love" printed below it, all in her language. I included a short note in her language that said those traits were what I most admire about her. I was scared to death after I sent it. What had I been smoking when I did that, right?
She absolutely adored it. I was very happy because every time I've given those types of gifts to my wife, they are put away and never seen again.
Anyway, that was this last Christmas. Since then, she had been so supportive and sweet until February, when she just suddenly dropped off the map, which is when I wrote my post on ep.
Now where am I going with all this, you might rightfully ask? Here's the thing. She wrote me a letter that I receivd two days ago. In the letter, she says that two months ago, she made the conscious decision to pull back from "us" because she felt she was getting too dependent on me for her peace of mind. She said that if I didn't call or write, she would get "stupid sad", even when she knew that the reason I wouldn't write or call was because I was at work or with my family, etc. Now this is all well and good and she has done the right and healthy thing for herself, and I am happy for her. She has acquired new friends that she can and does go visit. Friends her age. A male friend her age. Whom she just went to visit after her husband handed her the divorce papers. In beautiful, coastal Malaga, Spain. Where she stayed with his very rich parents in their beautiful mansion.
OK, so maybe I'm just slightly conflicted. Slightly. I'm very glad that she has such a wonderful friend. But....well, you know.
Today I was looking through my Skype contacts and saw her name, and clicked it. It of course opened up with the details of our last skype session. And then I saw the one before that. It was just after Christmas. We had been talking and the signal had cut off. So she wrote to me instead. I read it again today. Shouldn't have done that. She said that she was so happy that day because she got a notice from the post office that she had a package there from the U.S. She knew that had to be her Christmas present from me. She was so excited and couldn't wait to see what it was. She said she loved me so much...
And finally we reach the point of all this. Reading that hurt me because I wanted to have that again so much, but it also made me so happy, you know? Well, I just went back to look at it again. Her profile picture is gone. All our conversations have been deleted by her.
So I'm lying in bed. I don't feel much like getting up again...ever.