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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 15, 2023 17:42:02 GMT -5
Part two of " As The Salsa Bar Turns!" (much of this is me journaling- hopefully there are life lessons that others can relate to, or learn from!) 1) Friday evening: (3 days after the creepy elderly man followed me home - I will call him Jeff-not his real name) we meet at the dance studio where Ava (not her real name) takes her lessons. Ava wants to introduce me to her friends. Ava wants me there on time for the beginning lesson (Polka). Ava is making German potato salad to bring. Ava shows up 1 1/2 hrs late. The lesson lasts an hour. ( 3rd time we've met, 3rd time being substantially late. A 100% track record) Another red flag.Ava posted pictures on Facebook of the SpaceX rocket going off from her backyard, while she's supposed to be at the Polka dance. (more red flags). Once again, there was another older man who had his arm and hands around her after the dance is over, and kept her for several dances in a row. She gladly stays. Several days ago I invited Ava to an art festival on Saturday. She said " that would be nice. I would like that, let's do that". Friday evening she tells me, " I can't make it, I have a previous commitment with my Zumba class".I'm not impressed with these last minute cancellations! Another red flag. I leave without saying goodbye, noticing a trend and am less and less interested in being with her. BACKTRACKING TWO DAYS HERE:2) Wednesday night: Ava said " I am sure I will see Jeff again at dance events. Can't avoid that. Yes, he has some romantic interest in me, been going on for a while, but I've always said no. I guess I saw red flags" . Then she tells me " I'm getting ready to go to dinner for a friends birthday". (looking back in hindsight it makes me wonder if she was seeing Jeff....again. ) 3) Thursday night: Ava could have easily joined me for dance lessons at the studio I go too. Me and others have invited her. She turned it down , said she had " too many other things to do. That she was going to sign up and start taking a Thursday night Spanish class",and waited until late Thursday night to text me 'Hope you had a nice evening, I went to Southside ( another dance studio near me) I just got home." ( probably with Jeff or some other guy from months ago. Another red flag to not trust her words.) 4 )Saturday night: We meet at the dance studio where I get my private lessons. The place where we were introduced to each other. Once again she is over an hour late. Another red flag 4th time- I've gotten used to it.. On Friday I had also invited Ava to go jet-skiing with me Sunday morning. Like before I had gotten a ' that would be fun, let's do that!" She waits until late Saturday night to tell me " I can't go, but lets go, next Sunday for sure".I walk her to her car and tell her " I want to have some one on one time with you, but you're always too busy. From now on you will have to make the plans, it's up to you, I'm available, and make time for you."She responds " You're the one who's working, I have the time. I can change my schedule. I'm flexible".Fancy word salad! But judge someone by their actions. My " goodbye" to her is much more formal and distant. 5) Sunday night: NOW COMES THE GOOD PART! LOT"S OF DRAMA!I am at the Moose Lodge for the regular Sunday night class/dance. Ava is going to meet me there (I did not speak with her all day. I'm less and less interested in being rejected!) Jeff is there! He takes a seat at the table behind me. I avoid him and say nothing to him all night. I change tables where I can see everyone. Word has already spread about avoiding Jeff the stalker, and for the women to not dance with him. Before the lesson starts I am informing another woman (who is friends on Facebook with Jeff) about his stalking. She 'informs me/enlightens me" of many new things! She tells me " There are two sides to every story. Ava is quite the PLAYER! Just this past Saturday her and Jeff came together to the 75th anniversary ball." Jeff paid for her ticket and invited her. (A date, right?) They have been dating for some time now. And months before that she was going out with another older man! ( I found Pictures on Facebook in Ava's file of the 75th anniversary ball and their it is! Pics of Ava and Jeff together, just 3 days before the stalking incident. Remember... she had told me, " I haven't been seeing anyone since my divorce 9 months ago. I'm finally ready to start dating again."Then Ava entered the room. ( an hour late... again) I thought about meeting her outside and walking her in... but I decided most of this is up to her, and her actions. She does not see me, ( I'm in plain view) sits at another table, then she sees me , gets up to walk over and sit with me, and Jeff walks up to her. She readily puts her arm around him and speaks with him. The other women are watching this... eyes role! She then sits next to me. I give her a polite hello, and immediately she is dancing with the other men ( that's okay- there are certain dances that I don't know yet) However... It's not long until she is dancing with Jeff. he even had the audacity to come up behind my back, where I could not see him and ask her to dance. She agreed and went back behind me, out on the dance floor. There are many other men for her to dance with. She has very poor boundaries, and/ or is a player and/or used me to make Jeff jealous. Do you think people are noticing this? of course they are! this same women (Ava) told me "I don't want to be in the middle of some drama like that, or associate with it in any way. I just want to enjoy life and dance. I don't want to create to much drama that's associated with me. I'm just not that type of person. I'm angry that he did this to me". Really ,I don't want to be" the talk of the town".Ava had previously said to me " I do not get into fights and arguments, and try to behave in a proper respectful way always. That's what I expect from others. So it stresses me greatly to be in the middle of it".My opinion? Ava certainly put herself in the middle of it, being such a "player-manipulator!" She likes to play the 'victim' card. It makes me wonder what " the other side of the story" is from all her previous divorces? I stepped outside, called a friend on the phone. It was over between Ava and me, I'd seen enough. Then went back inside and danced with 5 other ladies, ignoring Ava, and leaving without speaking to her. One of the other ladies said to me " just try to not think about her and have a good time". That's exactly what I did ! And ... I finally got out there and learned the Samba line dance with this same woman ( great to have a good friend when needed!) 6) Monday : Ava sent me a text " Sorry I didn't have a chance to dance with you more last night" 7) Monday night: I texted her back " I don't think you and I are a good match. We have different goals and values. No more dating between us, would be best for both of us. I would like it if we could continue to have a dance together when we are both at a dance studio. I wish you much happiness in your future relationship(s)!"
I quickly got a response:
"Yes, you are correct, we do not match. But I will still dance with you if I see you at a dance place. Of course you are a very nice guy, yes, lets just be friends because I don't see anything more for us. There is a woman there for you, you will find her one day and I'd be happy for you." She's welcome to date all the 83 yr. old Stalker men she wants! Ava says she's 51 yrs old? ( I'm 58)8) Since this is being posted in the After divorce good and bad stories I wanted to mention the sex part. We've known each other for a little less than a month. WE only got to go out once for some alone time, and that was dinner, and then back to her house for a short visit. She had a 10 day vacation trip. There was Hurricane Ian. ( she went and stayed with 'a friend' a guy... probably Jeff...at this point, who cares!!) I went to her house for a party. She came to my house for a brief introduction. We had discussed practicing dancing at each others houses. Jeff the stalker ruined that evening. Ava was late 5 times , 100% of the time. I invited her, asked her out 4 other times for some one on one time outside of dance night at dance studios. I was rejected every time, avoided, yet we would meet the next day, or that night at dance. One thing we talked very little about was intimacy and sex for me and her. I'm actually pleased and proud of myself that I held off on it. No need to go there too soon until I know more about a person.I don't drop my pants for just anybody!! LOL. ( and serious at the same time!) I only "dated-mostly dancing" Eva for a short time. She has been gone from the dance scene for the last 2-3 months. i would occasionally ask how she was doing/ (health related) I received vague responses. sadly Eva was in the hospital for 1 1/2 weeks diagnosed with Sclerosis of the Liver, probably from Hepatitis C. She was in the ICU on life support and in a comma. Eva passed away yesterday at the young age of 52. She is greatly missed by many of us in the dance community!
Just another chapter in life after divorce in a sexless marriage.
Funny how different we feel about someone, when we end up no longer dating them, but still know that the're doing okay alone or with others. Such a different feeling for them,when they pass away.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 15, 2023 18:22:09 GMT -5
greatcoastal,...sorry to read about Ava's passing. I hope you are not greatly impacted by her passing. I do have to say you are one of the the most patient and forgiving people I know of. I would not have put up with half the BS you took from this woman.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 15, 2023 21:14:19 GMT -5
greatcoastal,...sorry to read about Ava's passing. I hope you are not greatly impacted by her passing. I do have to say you are one of the the most patient and forgiving people I know of. I would not have put up with half the BS you took from this woman. Thank you for your condolences! Fortunately I'm not greatly impacted by it. I did learn to end things, and tell others, in a brief summary, " she just wasn't ever available. Like she wasn't quite ready for any kind of commitment, and unsure of herself when it came to being with a man. She was always to busy dancing!" Yes I put up with her BS,it was all a learning experience,while I also try to be understanding, forgiving,and compassionate. We all have a background,and are damaged by past relationships. Some of us are much more cautious about letting our guard down and getting hurt again going back into relationships. It takes time, to gain/give trust again. For the most part, she was always a kind, joyful, radiant person to dance with and be around, she spread her passion for dancing with others and that's what we remember about her!
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 7, 2023 21:06:07 GMT -5
It's a good thing to stay aware of those red flags, and judge accordingly. Some people are undatable, some are not relationship material, and some are. My condolences on the loss of a friend, however idiosyncratic she was.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 8, 2023 7:06:09 GMT -5
It's a good thing to stay aware of those red flags, and judge accordingly. Some people are undatable, some are not relationship material, and some are. My condolences on the loss of a friend, however idiosyncratic she was. I'm currently learning more and more about being friend-zoned. The dance community ( and other hobbies,activities that are highly recommended after a divorce,widow, and recovery from a SM) What signs to look for,and when to move on, while being content at remaining single. I've been taking dance lessons for a year now and going out dancing ( 5-6 days a week) quite steadily. There's the good and the bad in group activities, like dancing. (I'll be 60 yrs. old come Oct. yet I out-dance many a 20 yr. old!) For example, last Friday I went to a local Hotel/restaurant/bar that has a large outdoor deck right along the beach. There's a group of people who post what restaurants and what band will be playing 5 nights a week. I'd say, 90% of this crowd free style dances and doesn't know ballroom dancing ,like I do . Also about 75% of the crowd likes to sit, talk,eat and drink. I'm very used to going to dance studios where I dance every song, but with the same few people week after week- friend-zone. So, in short, I go to the hotel alone, find a seat at the end of a table ( mostly alone, see a few people from the 'dance community-ball room dancing") and instantly get to be the best dancer there! I get told " you're a great dancer, you're the best, you're a good lead, that was amazing, are you an instructor? How long have you been dancing?, you have great timing, etc.... All wonderful compliments!! ( I also dance with the 20 something bride to be who's having a party there, I show the younger kids there how to dance, I talk with the band members the staff, I socialize!) I see people literally pointing at me, talking about me from 12 tables across the room, ( in a positive way) I get told by my friend-zone women " you're quite the Casanova!! LOL" I get told by the woman who heads the group, " go over to that table those two women like to dance". I walk over there and look at all three women and easily, without regret or hesitation, say"would any of you like to dance?" They look at me like I just said " hi, I've got an STD! LOL" They seem super afraid and nervous? I then have to literally take a few steps back and say " It's okay, the song, it's A Rumba, it's slow, smooth, easy, it's a nice break". I then show them " like this- HOLD...2,3". One of them says " I'll try" (like she's doing me a favor") By the end of a very long song she has done a complete 180. ( no pun intended) She's all aglow and saying to me " that was fun! Thank you so much! I really enjoyed that! You made that easy!" Of course I compliment her and tell her " you did great, I liked that too, you make me look good, thanks for the dance!" Then comes ,"are you coming back? Please ask me to dance again with you!" Then comes the truth.... a line that makes me cringe.... " we need more men!" Now is when I feel very used. Like I'm just entertainment, a fill in, the 'other guy'. I arrive alone, and leave alone. I then go home to my wonderful, quite, peaceful home, and stand alone on a moonlit night remembering how I cherished standing in the driveway with my arms wrapped around my woman enjoying our quality time together! Getting to know someone off the dance floor is like finding the needle in a hay stack! Wondering when will someone want to know more about the real "greatcoastal"? I have people to mentor me, and I get told, when you least expect it you're going to find someone again! The hard part is to continue to " put my self out there "and dealing with the friend-zone. I've overloaded myself with books and videos about escaping the friend-zone, how to date a woman, what woman want in a man, beware of red flags, etc.... It's hard, and complicated...life goes on!! Thanks for reading! I could go on, and on, but I hope as you read this, you get the point.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 8, 2023 8:01:44 GMT -5
It's a good thing to stay aware of those red flags, and judge accordingly. Some people are undatable, some are not relationship material, and some are. My condolences on the loss of a friend, however idiosyncratic she was. I'm currently learning more and more about being friend-zoned. The dance community ( and other hobbies,activities that are highly recommended after a divorce,widow, and recovery from a SM) What signs to look for,and when to move on, while being content at remaining single. . I could go on, and on, but I hope as you read this, you get the point. Welcome to being a senior citizen......I have been really trying to find a new love interest or partner for the last 3-4 months. After being on a # of dating sites I thought I had found the right one for me in "Our Time" Lots of attractive ladies who live near and relative,y close and are in my age demographic. Fixed my sights on 2 of them to persue. Talked with them both for over a month but couldn't get a meet scheduled with either. Then suddenly they both "ghost" me. The thought that perhaps women over a certain age are rarely interested in much more than friendship is constantly rearing it'e ugly head. So another red flag I think is that, if a woman doesn't show interest in meeting after a couple weeks, she is likely looking for something that doesn't involve intimacy. But all is not lost. A couple ladies who live a bit farther away seem intersted in me. So I will maybe end up driving more than I would have liked, but if that is what it takes then that's what i will do.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 8, 2023 16:10:29 GMT -5
I'm currently learning more and more about being friend-zoned. The dance community ( and other hobbies,activities that are highly recommended after a divorce,widow, and recovery from a SM) What signs to look for,and when to move on, while being content at remaining single. . I could go on, and on, but I hope as you read this, you get the point. Welcome to being a senior citizen......I have been really trying to find a new love interest or partner for the last 3-4 months. After being on a # of dating sites I thought I had found the right one for me in "Our Time" Lots of attractive ladies who live near and relative,y close and are in my age demographic. Fixed my sights on 2 of them to persue. Talked with them both for over a month but couldn't get a meet scheduled with either. Then suddenly they both "ghost" me. The thought that perhaps women over a certain age are rarely interested in much more than friendship is constantly rearing it'e ugly head. So another red flag I think is that, if a woman doesn't show interest in meeting after a couple weeks, she is likely looking for something that doesn't involve intimacy. But all is not lost. A couple ladies who live a bit farther away seem intersted in me. So I will maybe end up driving more than I would have liked, but if that is what it takes then that's what i will do. I'm beginning to think that being "just a friend" will always be the norm. men and women like attention,and verification, but end it there. However ,,I do strongly believe that a good relationship needs one very important thing.....TIME! Now comes the 'how much time?" And when to know 'that ship sailed long ago...you've been friend zoned buddy!" If she wanted more than that she would have let you know by now....maybe, not in all cases but maybe... it can get confusing. Then comes my part...ending things,and letting her realize what's gone....if it matters to her at all? All a learning experience!
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 8, 2023 16:47:33 GMT -5
GC said: " Then comes ,"are you coming back? Please ask me to dance again with you!" Then comes the truth.... a line that makes me cringe.... " we need more men!"
Now is when I feel very used. Like I'm just entertainment, a fill in, the 'other guy'. I arrive alone, and leave alone. I then go home to my wonderful, quite, peaceful home, and stand alone on a moonlit night remembering how I cherished standing in the driveway with my arms wrapped around my woman enjoying our quality time together! Getting to know someone off the dance floor is like finding the needle in a hay stack!"
What am I missing? I don't see any indication that she's friend-zoning you. To me, it seems she's saying there aren't enough men to go around, which was my own experience 10 years ago when I'd go out dancing with women friends. We'd end up having to dance with each other because men were scarce. And that's a reality of being a senior: Men typically die at a younger age than do women so as women age, the ratio increasingly is in men's favor.
Seems to me the,"Please ask me to dance with you again," is an offer that if you found her appealing, you could have accepted and used the opportunity to get to know her more. Women often show up at places like that in groups of women because they feel safer. That doesn't mean that they aren't hoping to find a partner or a future date.
I know senior women who met their partners while dancing.
You said you came alone and left alone. Were you hoping to leave with a woman? To me, that's unrealistic as many women --especially women of mature age-- wouldn't be so reckless as to leave with a stranger. But exchanging numbers or making a coffee date for later would have been a step toward finding more than a friend.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 8, 2023 21:49:00 GMT -5
GC said: " Then comes ,"are you coming back? Please ask me to dance again with you!" Then comes the truth.... a line that makes me cringe.... " we need more men!" Now is when I feel very used. Like I'm just entertainment, a fill in, the 'other guy'. I arrive alone, and leave alone. I then go home to my wonderful, quite, peaceful home, and stand alone on a moonlit night remembering how I cherished standing in the driveway with my arms wrapped around my woman enjoying our quality time together! Getting to know someone off the dance floor is like finding the needle in a hay stack!" What am I missing? I don't see any indication that she's friend-zoning you. To me, it seems she's saying there aren't enough men to go around, which was my own experience 10 years ago when I'd go out dancing with women friends. We'd end up having to dance with each other because men were scarce. And that's a reality of being a senior: Men typically die at a younger age than do women so as women age, the ratio increasingly is in men's favor. Seems to me the,"Please ask me to dance with you again," is an offer that if you found her appealing, you could have accepted and used the opportunity to get to know her more. Women often show up at places like that in groups of women because they feel safer. That doesn't mean that they aren't hoping to find a partner or a future date. I know senior women who met their partners while dancing. You said you came alone and left alone. Were you hoping to leave with a woman? To me, that's unrealistic as many women --especially women of mature age-- wouldn't be so reckless as to leave with a stranger. But exchanging numbers or making a coffee date for later would have been a step toward finding more than a friend. Here's what your missing, (and it's not your fault- thanks for the opportunity to talk more about it ) I get asked to dance because I know a lot of moves/dances, and can lead a woman easily, even if she has little experience, I can guide her through it. They like that, heck ,I like that when a woman can elegantly follow my slightest leads and knows her patterns. Some women actually come up to me and say " the next time they play a Viennese Waltz come find me". Many of them are married, and a decade,or more older than me. It has nothing to do with liking me as a person...it's all about my dance knowledge. yes, I feel like an instructor, I'd probably feel better if I was being paid and keep it at "it's only a dance". I have gotten to know some ( a few) women more. Sadly it's been a 100% record of women who want no deep or intimate relationships at all. ( or just not with me?) There's a lot of talk that goes around the dance community. You later find out- that woman's a player. Or she's been dancing 6 yrs. and doesn't want to commit to anyone, she goes from man to man. Using them as a DPO (Dance Partner Only) That's the needle in the haystack part. Yes I come alone and leave alone. I'm hoping for a foot in the door to get to know a woman more. If anything, I am still too much of a gentleman. Too concerned with being polite, not enjoying rejection,while accepting and getting stronger from it,, too shy, too inexperienced at making the first move, concerned about looking creepy, etc... I'm improving though! I have received phone numbers, names,emails, daily texts for entire seasons, etc... the excuses arise, how busy they are, their families, their work, etc... but save me a dance!!, again very surfacy, and non committal. it perplexes me how article after after article that i get sent, is written by women about "men who are afraid to commit, and where are all the men? " Where here- in the friend zone! The friend you feel safe with, who walks you to your car, asks you out for one on one time, ( you're too busy but have hours and hours of time for dancing with large groups of people) receives the " hug' goodnight, but it will never be anything more than that, because you're in the friend zone. One dance, one song,Then it's over, they go back to their other male friends who they use for a dance. ( Or table full of female friends) Almost like the woman who ask you to buy them a drink,and the foolish men who do, thinking it will get them somewhere. Then the same woman goes up to more men and asks them to buy them a drink.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 9, 2023 0:47:38 GMT -5
My belief is that women want to date up. The ones that ask, "where are all the men" typically are looking for the guy that is over six foot, strictly white collar, with an unrealistic amount of income. These guys are rare, and they have options so they are unobtainable by them, but the guys they COULD have a meaningful relationship with are invisible to them.
I think you are doing ok. You are out there and available, making connections. But, dayum. I'm not sure what to say beyond that. I would expect things to be working better.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 9, 2023 7:06:34 GMT -5
My belief is that women want to date up. The ones that ask, "where are all the men" typically are looking for the guy that is over six foot, strictly white collar, with an unrealistic amount of income. These guys are rare, and they have options so they are unobtainable by them, but the guys they COULD have a meaningful relationship with are invisible to them. I think you are doing ok. You are out there and available, making connections. But, dayum. I'm not sure what to say beyond that. I would expect things to be working better. Thanks for your response, I can fully relate. (I'm under 6 ft -5'10"- that puts me in the 86% category) Fortunately the date up crowd seems to be very few in my age category (53-62 yrs. old) Things could,and will,get better. As my 40 yr. old very sexy, very attractive dance instructor told me "when you least expect it you're going to meet the right person". I do get tired of these cliches' ,knowing that I still have to put myself out there, take the risk, and try to enjoy the ride. lately ( the past 1yr.) I seem to attract,or go after, the covert narcissist ( I try not to over use that tittle!) or the fear of commitment type. However.. it takes TIME, a season or two to cut through all the mind games, and diagnose this woman for who she really is. Then heal for a while and start over. Just think about all of us who have divorced from a SM, a narc, an abusive marriage, etc.... Where do you think so many of these divorcees are? Out in the dating field!! Meanwhile, I am continually lacking in the sex/intimacy department, after 3 yrs of the most steady intimate sexual relationship one could have! ( I'm still thankful for that- and hopefully adjust my expectations with a future relationship)
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 9, 2023 12:27:51 GMT -5
greatcoastal I think you are doing the right things. And like others, I do believe that its a matter of right time, right place. If you want to try something different, maybe try to change your approach. One idea is to practice laying on the charm without expectation of an outcome, "going home with someone or getting a number". Be charming for the sake of attracting people to you. Be the most interesting man in the room without trying to be the most interesting man in the room. You seem to be a good story teller. That might be something to work in your favor. Also, if a woman friend zones you, thats not always a negative. Hanging out with women friends makes you interesting to other women. And you never know when one of their friend suddenly is open to dating. But don't have expectations of having anything with your women friends unless the context changes or they tell you different.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 10, 2023 6:04:07 GMT -5
...Then comes ,"are you coming back? Please ask me to dance again with you!" Then comes the truth.... a line that makes me cringe.... " we need more men!" Now is when I feel very used. Like I'm just entertainment, a fill in, the 'other guy'. I arrive alone, and leave alone. I then go home to my wonderful, quite, peaceful home, and stand alone on a moonlit night remembering how I cherished standing in the driveway with my arms wrapped around my woman enjoying our quality time together! Getting to know someone off the dance floor is like finding the needle in a hay stack! Wondering when will someone want to know more about the real "greatcoastal"? I have people to mentor me, and I get told, when you least expect it you're going to find someone again! The hard part is to continue to " put my self out there "and dealing with the friend-zone. I've overloaded myself with books and videos about escaping the friend-zone, how to date a woman, what woman want in a man, beware of red flags, etc.... It's hard, and complicated...life goes on!!... This made me think of the "Ambassador Hosts" on cruise ships: www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/lets-dance-confessions-of-a-professional-cruise-120106597.htmlThey dance and teach the ladies, but do nothing else. "Just like crew members, cruise ship dance partners are forbidden from getting too close to passengers while on board. “That’s very important: no relationships,” says Battaglia. “Some hosts have been thrown off the ship because they were seen showing partiality to different ladies. They’re walking and holding hands, which is a no-no, and stuff like that.”
Battaglia says adhering to that rule can be a little difficult because after a few spins on the dance floor, some women have more than dancing on their minds.
“Especially after a night of drinking, some of these ladies are handsy,” Battaglia admits. “Not all of them, but they can get a little frisky. I tell them it’s not worth it for me to get thrown off the ship. So I usually try to nip it in the bud. You have to set your parameters. After the cruise is over, what you do on your own time is up to you but you can’t go flaunting anything on the ship.”If you would like to try a cruise anyway.... it's a plan. If you catch a ship departing somewhere close to home, so are the some of the ladies aboard, one would think. Ambassadors cannot dance with the same lady twice. Just strikes me as ripe territory for a skilled ballroom master such as yourself.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 10, 2023 9:32:43 GMT -5
Interesting! I've been invited by two of my friend zone older DPO's, on a 7 day Halloween dance cruise on the largest cruise ship in the world! Again it comes down to,we need more men who can dance with us! Platonic only!
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 10, 2023 14:07:39 GMT -5
GC: " I've been invited by two of my friend zone older DPO's, on a 7 day Halloween dance cruise on the largest cruise ship in the world! Again it comes down to,we need more men who can dance with us! Platonic only!"
I still don't understand why you are sure that none of those women are romantically interested in you. I don't see how you've ever made a move on any of them. If I were one of the women, I'd think that you weren't looking for a partner because from what you've described, you've never taken the time to get to know any of them or to see if they'd like to go out.
As for going on the cruise -- what's to lose? There definitely will be women on the cruise who are interested in romance. You wouldn't have to confine your socializing to just the women you know from the dance party.
And how do you really know that none of the women you meet at the parties are looking for romance? Even if they aren't, they still could become interested in you if you get to know them. I wasn't looking for romance with him when my now partner of 10 years asked me out. I didn't think he was my type so considered it only a practice date since the last new person I'd dated was my now ex, and we had started dating 36 years earlier.
But over dinner, I learned how much my now partner and I had in common, and I was impressed by his values, character, and charm.I thought that at least he could be a good friend.
The next time we went out, a few weeks later, I told him, I never wanted to marry or live with someone again but I would consider a monogamous FWB relationship.
A few months later, we had sex for the first time. Wow!'
Two months later, we were a couple. A year later, we decided to live together, and have been living together ever since.
I think you give up too soon. Also what others say about the women may not be true. Some people in the community theater group where I met my now partner thought he was a player. He isn't.
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