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Post by MarianCali on Oct 16, 2018 12:13:07 GMT -5
I had an interesting weekend with H getting jealous and suspicious of my activities. On Friday I had to leave the house to go outside to talk on the phone to get privacy. I usually have these phone call during the day at lunch or right after work but I wanted to talk so I told him I'll be outside talking to my girlfriend (that he knows). When I went back in he started saying how convenient and how I shouldn't make it so obvious. I was flabbergasted as I really was just talking to my friend. He asked why I had to leave and I said for privacy because of him and my kids being nosy. He dropped it and went back to normal.
Then on Sunday my friend (different friend) calls and ask if I wanted to join her for sushi. I said I wasn't hungry but I'll have a drink and we can chat. I usually don't like making last minute plans like that but it was only for a quick drink/meal so I said yes. It was late but I wasn't going to be gone for long. He again started with the accusations. I said he could say Hi to her as she was picking me up and he refused and went on to say I was going to get quick booty and to do it on my "own" time. I said whatever I'm just going for a little bit and left. When I came back I told him I didn't appreciate him saying those things in front of the kids and for him to stop. I then asked what he would do if I was getting "booty" he said nothing just not to make so in his face. WTF! This is so unlike him. He would occasionally make comments when I would rarely go out but damn. He must be picking up on something from me. I'm happy and still communicating with my out of state fling and planning a trip out to see him next year.
I think its time to see a lawyer but not sure what to ask. I just want to make sure it doesn't blow up in my face. He has said (when I have asked him in the past)if we ever divorced he would be amicable but I know once feelings get involved and especially another person that could change.
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Post by flashjohn on Oct 16, 2018 15:38:42 GMT -5
Does he know you have been fucking others?
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Post by Handy on Oct 16, 2018 15:44:07 GMT -5
MarianCali, it sounds like your H knows something extra marital is going on but he doesn't know who it is so all calls or meetings in private are suspect.
If he gets the affair partner mixed up with the female friends, don't blame him or his gut feelings. A wife with a H that has an affair partner does the same thing your H is doing.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 16, 2018 15:46:58 GMT -5
Google and you can find good advice of questions to ask when you consult a divorce lawyer. There’s also good advice about that here.
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Post by baza on Oct 16, 2018 16:18:44 GMT -5
On your 8 threads thus far, the suggestion to see a lawyer etc has been a constant.
Anyone who is married needs to have some clue as to what they'd do and how they'd do it if they were to suddenly not be married any more. All marriages end - death or divorce see to that - so it is basic smarts to have some sort of fall back position, even if your marriage is 'made in heaven'.
Obviously if your marriage is an ILIASM deal, the necessity for a fall back position is even more critical. And, if you are cheating as well, the need for a do-able exit strategy is imperative.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 16, 2018 16:32:51 GMT -5
You'd be wise to see a lawyer ASAP because if your h snoops around and finds proof of your cheating, he is likely to tell your kids and everyone else making you seem like a slut and a homewrecker. Better for you to get a divorce underway before your h discovers what's up than for you to be blindsided and also lose your kids' and others' regard. For all you know, too, your h may have discovered the affair and is setting the stage for his looking like the victim.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 16, 2018 17:06:34 GMT -5
Does he know you have been fucking others? That was my first thought too. You're upset he's upset because he thinks you're getting some booty and you are.
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Post by workingonit on Oct 16, 2018 18:09:02 GMT -5
Wait wait. MarianCali don't you have an open marriage arrangement? Am I misremembering? If so the appearance of jealousy does not surprise me. He is not capable.of giving you what you need. You have to get it elsewhere. That is a mind fuck no matter what.
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Post by MarianCali on Oct 17, 2018 13:35:50 GMT -5
Does he know you have been fucking others? No, he doesn't know. I've told him I was going to but he said be discrete.
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Post by MarianCali on Oct 17, 2018 13:37:40 GMT -5
Does he know you have been fucking others? That was my first thought too. You're upset he's upset because he thinks you're getting some booty and you are. I'm not upset. It's just weird as he is usually not like this. He has made occasional comments throughout our time together but not as much as this weekend.
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Post by MarianCali on Oct 17, 2018 13:41:37 GMT -5
Wait wait. MarianCali don't you have an open marriage arrangement? Am I misremembering? If so the appearance of jealousy does not surprise me. He is not capable.of giving you what you need. You have to get it elsewhere. That is a mind fuck no matter what. Yes, your correct. I told him I was going to get some sex and he said as long as it wasn't in his face and to be discrete. So I have been. This weekend I was telling the truth. It was in August when I actually did get some but for some reason he's getting weird now. Were good now. He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again but I'm still wanting advice from a lawyer. I even told him about my upcoming trip to see my fling, although I left the details and guy out. I just wanted to give him a heads up I was going to see my friend and he was fine with it. We'll see what happens.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 17, 2018 13:46:53 GMT -5
Wait wait. MarianCali don't you have an open marriage arrangement? Am I misremembering? If so the appearance of jealousy does not surprise me. He is not capable.of giving you what you need. You have to get it elsewhere. That is a mind fuck no matter what. Yes, your correct. I told him I was going to get some sex and he said as long as it wasn't in his face and to be discrete. So I have been. This weekend I was telling the truth. It was in August when I actually did get some but for some reason he's getting weird now. Were good now. He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again but I'm still wanting advice from a lawyer. I even told him about my upcoming trip to see my fling, although I left the details and guy out. I just wanted to give him a heads up I was going to see my friend and he was fine with it. We'll see what happens. Perhaps he is not as fine with it as you think. ballofconfusion's ex was kinda ok with her AP. Hell he even drove her to the airport. Yet, he walked that back shortly after. And as it turns out he has since come out of the closet. A statement that he is fine with it only reflects that moment in time and only if true.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 17, 2018 23:28:54 GMT -5
I was talking about seeing a lawyer for months before I did.
What to ask? Here's my initial thoughts.
1) Will extramarital sex affect anything.
2) What is the best way to reduce alimony. If I had demanded my wife start working and earning an income, that would have greatly improved my position.
3) How will common property be divided?
4) Life insurance, the kids educations, and whatever miscellaneous details. My wife hijacked my insurance policy that was for the kids if I died before they got through college.
I am sure I will think of more.
Sadly, while sexual denial is penalized in France, the States have not modernized their laws.
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Post by h on Oct 18, 2018 7:18:01 GMT -5
I was talking about seeing a lawyer for months before I did. What to ask? Here's my initial thoughts. 1) Will extramarital sex affect anything. 2) What is the best way to reduce alimony. If I had demanded my wife start working and earning an income, that would have greatly improved my position. 3) How will common property be divided? 4) Life insurance, the kids educations, and whatever miscellaneous details. My wife hijacked my insurance policy that was for the kids if I died before they got through college. I am sure I will think of more. Sadly, while sexual denial is penalized in France, the States have not modernized their laws. I would LOVE to see sexual refusal laws brought up to some state legislatures here! Imagine the news headlines...😂
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Post by shamwow on Oct 18, 2018 7:38:23 GMT -5
I was talking about seeing a lawyer for months before I did. What to ask? Here's my initial thoughts. 1) Will extramarital sex affect anything. 2) What is the best way to reduce alimony. If I had demanded my wife start working and earning an income, that would have greatly improved my position. 3) How will common property be divided? 4) Life insurance, the kids educations, and whatever miscellaneous details. My wife hijacked my insurance policy that was for the kids if I died before they got through college. I am sure I will think of more. Sadly, while sexual denial is penalized in France, the States have not modernized their laws. I would LOVE to see sexual refusal laws brought up to some state legislatures here! Imagine the news headlines...😂 You'd see a rash of refuser initiated divorces before the law passed. On the other hand I'm just glad I don't live in the Phillipines where divorce is essentially illegal.
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