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Post by h on Sept 22, 2018 5:07:56 GMT -5
We are averaging once every 3 weeks and it’s been 3 days. It was really good this time. As soon as I get to 2 weeks or so I stay away from the forum and that is one way of keeping my sanity. On a separate topic Was out with some friends last night and can not believe how little attention some are paying to themselves and their relationships. Way too much work stress and letting selves go. Maybe the "way too much work stress and letting selves go," is intentional. If they are also dealing with SM situations then maybe they are trying to decrease their sex drives. That was my go-to coping mechanism for many years. |
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Post by flounder on Sept 22, 2018 5:27:32 GMT -5
Flounder ————>. sex camel.
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Post by Carol on Sept 22, 2018 7:42:34 GMT -5
15 long and frustrating years. I don’t even remember what it feels like. 😢
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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on Sept 22, 2018 8:47:03 GMT -5
We are averaging once every 3 weeks and it’s been 3 days. It was really good this time. As soon as I get to 2 weeks or so I stay away from the forum and that is one way of keeping my sanity. On a separate topic Was out with some friends last night and can not believe how little attention some are paying to themselves and their relationships. Way too much work stress and letting selves go. Maybe the "way too much work stress and letting selves go," is intentional. If they are also dealing with SM situations then maybe they are trying to decrease their sex drives. That was my go-to coping mechanism for many years. That was me. To bury the hurt, I ate. I gained so much weight! I always say, more than a few pounds is a sign of a greater problem than just "liking food". I have spent the last 7 months focusing on me, getting healthy, and losing weight. I really started to believe that the sexual rejection was not defining my self worth. 143 pounds down, lots of muscle...I feel good about me  |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 22, 2018 8:58:50 GMT -5
Carol...Im sorry to hear about your burden. How are you coping? How is your support network? I found the forum about a year ago. It has helped with providing clarity, support and fellowship. But I also have a lot of work to do on myself. It can be a tough go but its important to take it one day at a time as we persist. All the best. 15 long and frustrating years. I don’t even remember what it feels like. 😢
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Post by shamwow on Sept 22, 2018 12:05:25 GMT -5
Can I answer tonight? My answer is gonna change. Well so far at 5 times today. But it's only 10am so the day is young. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 22, 2018 12:42:52 GMT -5
The implication is solely on me. After all the anxiety over leaving this marriage and grappling with the reasons for leaving, I would absolutely HATE to have it all reduced to “you found someone else and that’s why you are leaving”. The reasons are so much deeper than that and it’s important to me that he finally realizes it. To put this in context- I haven’t had sex with my h for over 22 years. So, obviously I’ve outsourced before. At that point it didn’t make me feel better and he made it seem like it was all my fault when he found out about it. I’m much stronger now BUT he still knows what buttons to push and I really don’t want him messing with my buttons! Does this even make sense?? Throw it back in his face. "If you had kept up your end of the marriage deal, I would never have considered outsourcing." Or, "You didn't do your job, so I found someone else who was happy to do it!" Edit: ...and follow up with "You're fired!" I suspect that kind of in your face confrontation is easier for some people than others. That's why many of us stay / stayed so long. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 22, 2018 12:43:57 GMT -5
15 long and frustrating years. I don’t even remember what it feels like. 😢 To be clear, my like was not liking your situation but a show of support. |
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Post by sminpa on Sept 22, 2018 18:22:25 GMT -5
1 year
5 months
5 days
19 hours
21 minutes
33 seconds ago,
to be precise ;-)
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Post by sadkat on Sept 22, 2018 19:27:54 GMT -5
The implication is solely on me. After all the anxiety over leaving this marriage and grappling with the reasons for leaving, I would absolutely HATE to have it all reduced to “you found someone else and that’s why you are leaving”. The reasons are so much deeper than that and it’s important to me that he finally realizes it. To put this in context- I haven’t had sex with my h for over 22 years. So, obviously I’ve outsourced before. At that point it didn’t make me feel better and he made it seem like it was all my fault when he found out about it. I’m much stronger now BUT he still knows what buttons to push and I really don’t want him messing with my buttons! Does this even make sense?? Throw it back in his face. "If you had kept up your end of the marriage deal, I would never have considered outsourcing." Or, "You didn't do your job, so I found someone else who was happy to do it!" Edit: ...and follow up with "You're fired!" I love this! I’m working to be strong enough to be able to say something like this soon! |
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Post by sadkat on Sept 22, 2018 19:30:36 GMT -5
Staying is not the question- I am working on leaving. I’m just gonna try my best not to outsource. If I can’t resist an opportunity, I’ll do everything I can to hide it. Gotcha. Have you started working on an exit plan? For example, consulted an attorney to see how things would shake out? And God knows I get you with the button pushing. I’ll update everyone on my “baby steps” post very soon. I’ve taken what I believe to be pretty big steps over the past week. I needed some time to think about everything before attempting to put it in writing. |
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Post by michael on Sept 22, 2018 20:26:27 GMT -5
There is a big different between one month and one year. I’ve had sex three times in the last year. Last two times I don’t really count though because she just complained about how tired she was until I heard enough. I rolled over and went to sleep. The time before those was out of pity. My Dad died right around that time so she probably felt obligated.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Sept 22, 2018 21:02:50 GMT -5
Coming up on two years. Separated for 17 months and divorced for 7.
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Post by Carol on Sept 23, 2018 0:12:14 GMT -5
Carol...Im sorry to hear about your burden. How are you coping? How is your support network? I found the forum about a year ago. It has helped with providing clarity, support and fellowship. But I also have a lot of work to do on myself. It can be a tough go but its important to take it one day at a time as we persist. All the best. 15 long and frustrating years. I don’t even remember what it feels like. 😢 I’m coping as best as I can. There are many days where I just completely break down. I’m in therapy and on antidepressants. I’ve already been hospitalized once for a breakdown. There are still some good times. For example, I just spent a great evening with my him, my parents and sister. It’s the best mood I’ve been in literally in weeks. But on the drive home, I got sad because I knew now it’s just going to be the two of us until I see my family again in a few weeks. It had been really hard the past few years especially after I met someone who I was very attracted to. I’ve never had feelings for anyone else, even with our marriage being sexless, until I met this man. But he is married also and I have not seen or spoken to him in over two years but yet I think of him everyday. I guess the reason I haven’t left is that I’m very scared to be on my own. I’m not working right now so I’m dependent on him for everything. I’m working on changing that but it’s been a struggle at every turn. |
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Post by Carol on Sept 23, 2018 0:14:02 GMT -5
15 long and frustrating years. I don’t even remember what it feels like. 😢 To be clear, my like was not liking your situation but a show of support. [ No worries.... I know what you meant! 😉 |
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