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Post by sadkat on Sept 21, 2018 14:32:12 GMT -5
No,no,no- I’m leaving for sure. I don’t want him to have an excuse about why I left. He’s the great denier- He’ll jump on the excuse that I found someone else as the reason why I left instead of acknowledging the real reason. Again, outsourcing is not out of the question if the right opportunity presents itself. And if he "jumps on an excuse?" What are the implications for that? The implication is solely on me. After all the anxiety over leaving this marriage and grappling with the reasons for leaving, I would absolutely HATE to have it all reduced to “you found someone else and that’s why you are leaving”. The reasons are so much deeper than that and it’s important to me that he finally realizes it. To put this in context- I haven’t had sex with my h for over 22 years. So, obviously I’ve outsourced before. At that point it didn’t make me feel better and he made it seem like it was all my fault when he found out about it. I’m much stronger now BUT he still knows what buttons to push and I really don’t want him messing with my buttons! Does this even make sense??
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Post by sadkat on Sept 21, 2018 14:33:39 GMT -5
I can’t vote- it doesn’t let me on my iPhone via Tapatalk or Safari (I tried both). and I don’t have access to a private/personal desktop. If someone has found a way to access the poll using a mobile device, please educate me. iliasm.org/thread/4826/long-2018?page=1&scrollTo=108885Try that link - it's straight link to this poll You will need log in for the forum. Log'Ins' for me have been a problem because of Tap-a-Talk registrations being discrepant from forum registration, I solved that problem by using my name and email for the forum (not tapatalk). What is Safari (JK I am an android user - so used to seamless chrome access on mobile and desktop), Maybe try Chrome on Iphone if there's such a thing? Shynjdude was able to help me. I was able to do the poll. Thanks for your offer of assistance!
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 21, 2018 14:39:26 GMT -5
Well for those so inclined, there is the postman/delivery man fantasy porn sub-niche 9 years on August 29. I am vowing to myself that while I may hit 10 due to situation with kids I will NOT hit 11. Even if I have to jump the damn mailman. ( @shynjdude bli neder, wouldn't want to start off on the wrong foot 😉)
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Post by h on Sept 21, 2018 14:41:50 GMT -5
It doesn't look like you voted yet... I can’t vote- it doesn’t let me on my iPhone via Tapatalk or Safari (I tried both). and I don’t have access to a private/personal desktop. If someone has found a way to access the poll using a mobile device, please educate me. Not sure about a phone, but I'm able to vote for polls on my tablet browser.
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Post by jamesbonding on Sept 21, 2018 16:26:27 GMT -5
And if he "jumps on an excuse?" What are the implications for that? The implication is solely on me. After all the anxiety over leaving this marriage and grappling with the reasons for leaving, I would absolutely HATE to have it all reduced to “you found someone else and that’s why you are leaving”. The reasons are so much deeper than that and it’s important to me that he finally realizes it. To put this in context- I haven’t had sex with my h for over 22 years. So, obviously I’ve outsourced before. At that point it didn’t make me feel better and he made it seem like it was all my fault when he found out about it. I’m much stronger now BUT he still knows what buttons to push and I really don’t want him messing with my buttons! Does this even make sense?? Throw it back in his face. "If you had kept up your end of the marriage deal, I would never have considered outsourcing." Or, "You didn't do your job, so I found someone else who was happy to do it!" Edit: ...and follow up with "You're fired!"
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Post by shamwow on Sept 21, 2018 17:14:02 GMT -5
My daughter asked me to connect a string of lights attached to the canopy bed. She couldn't reach the outlet from either side of the bed. I got down on the floor, pushed some webbing aside and plugged in the lights. I looked at the webbing, thought for a second about the hook in the ceiling, and ding-dong, connected the dots. I was thinking, WOW if my W was into that stuff I would be all in. Shamwow and BOC, WTG on the swing play. I am envious, but happy some people get to do adult sex play. Ensure the hook and supporting can support the expected load. Remember, you're not talking about dead weight here.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 21, 2018 17:18:00 GMT -5
And if he "jumps on an excuse?" What are the implications for that? The implication is solely on me. After all the anxiety over leaving this marriage and grappling with the reasons for leaving, I would absolutely HATE to have it all reduced to “you found someone else and that’s why you are leaving”. The reasons are so much deeper than that and it’s important to me that he finally realizes it. To put this in context- I haven’t had sex with my h for over 22 years. So, obviously I’ve outsourced before. At that point it didn’t make me feel better and he made it seem like it was all my fault when he found out about it. I’m much stronger now BUT he still knows what buttons to push and I really don’t want him messing with my buttons! Does this even make sense?? Question. Why does it matter worth a hill of beans whose "fault" it is. My ex alleged she had been the victim of childhood sexual abuse and I still left. For years I wondered what kind of person would do something like that. Well? I guess I'm that kind of person. It finally reached a point where I said "I cannot see myself growing old with this person". You only get one life. And I am middle aged. I sure as fuck wasn't going to waste the second half of it staying because I was worried what others would think about how I ended the first half.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 21, 2018 17:19:43 GMT -5
iliasm.org/thread/4826/long-2018?page=1&scrollTo=108885Try that link - it's straight link to this poll You will need log in for the forum. Log'Ins' for me have been a problem because of Tap-a-Talk registrations being discrepant from forum registration, I solved that problem by using my name and email for the forum (not tapatalk). What is Safari (JK I am an android user - so used to seamless chrome access on mobile and desktop), Maybe try Chrome on Iphone if there's such a thing? Shynjdude was able to help me. I was able to do the poll. Thanks for your offer of assistance! Did shydude help you get the browser to work or to get you answer to a more recent choice? I mean, we ARE here to support each other after all.
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 21, 2018 18:08:39 GMT -5
Less than a week, but I can't always answer that. We each have the consolation of knowing somebody out there does love us, wants to be with us, and soon we will be together, again.
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 21, 2018 18:14:54 GMT -5
I should add, in my marriage it was typical to have stretches of three or four months between short and unsatisfying romps. It took a year to consummate the marriage. I can't remember what other long stretches we had. I thought that was pretty bad until I saw some of the worst case situations.
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Post by solodriver on Sept 21, 2018 19:26:51 GMT -5
19 years and counting...
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Post by sadkat on Sept 21, 2018 19:33:35 GMT -5
The implication is solely on me. After all the anxiety over leaving this marriage and grappling with the reasons for leaving, I would absolutely HATE to have it all reduced to “you found someone else and that’s why you are leaving”. The reasons are so much deeper than that and it’s important to me that he finally realizes it. To put this in context- I haven’t had sex with my h for over 22 years. So, obviously I’ve outsourced before. At that point it didn’t make me feel better and he made it seem like it was all my fault when he found out about it. I’m much stronger now BUT he still knows what buttons to push and I really don’t want him messing with my buttons! Does this even make sense?? Question. Why does it matter worth a hill of beans whose "fault" it is. My ex alleged she had been the victim of childhood sexual abuse and I still left. For years I wondered what kind of person would do something like that. Well? I guess I'm that kind of person. It finally reached a point where I said "I cannot see myself growing old with this person". You only get one life. And I am middle aged. I sure as fuck wasn't going to waste the second half of it staying because I was worried what others would think about how I ended the first half. Staying is not the question- I am working on leaving. I’m just gonna try my best not to outsource. If I can’t resist an opportunity, I’ll do everything I can to hide it.
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Post by sadkat on Sept 21, 2018 19:34:56 GMT -5
Shynjdude was able to help me. I was able to do the poll. Thanks for your offer of assistance! Did shydude help you get the browser to work or to get you answer to a more recent choice? I mean, we ARE here to support each other after all. To get the poll to work on Safari 😂. Any offer of assistance here is appreciated!
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Post by shamwow on Sept 21, 2018 21:25:11 GMT -5
Question. Why does it matter worth a hill of beans whose "fault" it is. My ex alleged she had been the victim of childhood sexual abuse and I still left. For years I wondered what kind of person would do something like that. Well? I guess I'm that kind of person. It finally reached a point where I said "I cannot see myself growing old with this person". You only get one life. And I am middle aged. I sure as fuck wasn't going to waste the second half of it staying because I was worried what others would think about how I ended the first half. Staying is not the question- I am working on leaving. I’m just gonna try my best not to outsource. If I can’t resist an opportunity, I’ll do everything I can to hide it. Gotcha. Have you started working on an exit plan? For example, consulted an attorney to see how things would shake out? And God knows I get you with the button pushing.
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Post by casual777 on Sept 22, 2018 4:47:21 GMT -5
We are averaging once every 3 weeks and it’s been 3 days. It was really good this time. As soon as I get to 2 weeks or so I stay away from the forum and that is one way of keeping my sanity. On a separate topic Was out with some friends last night and can not believe how little attention some are paying to themselves and their relationships. Way too much work stress and letting selves go.
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