Post by flashjohn on Sept 5, 2018 10:53:55 GMT -5
My husband came in and began talking to me. He asked me a bunch of questions and then twisted my answers. This is a common tactic of his and even though I know that, it doesn't stop the feelings that follow. He likes to make me feel bad. Mostly I think he maneuvers me into feeling bad so i will do whatever task he wants done.
I dont want to hear anyone say I am in charge of my feelings. I know thats true but I am trying to deal with psychological warfare on an ongoing basis. I occasionally wonder if the lack of sex started because he found power in refusing me. I took my power back in that area and we haven't had sex in 5 years. But this emotional stuff is draining me. I am completely shut down at the moment.
How does one survive.... Isnt it sad that our marriage turns into something to survive? Frankly I don't know if I can make it.
My refuser would do this a lot as well. Many of her questions were leading, such as, "This is the right way, isn't it?" or "The kids should act this way, right?" My personal favorite was when she told me that if she felt really strongly about something, I should always agree.
The best way I found to respond to this kind of thing was to ask another question. If she said, "Why are you doing X?" I would respond, "Why does it matter?" Then she would ask something else, and I would keep on. I could fire off questions as long as she could. Eventually, she would get tired and stop.
My opinion is that a person like this is just being very controlling. A normal person ask questions to gain information or understanding. It sounds to be that your H just asks you questions to control you or make you feel foolish.
I handled this kind of behavior by detaching. I did not offer any information or meaningfully engage in conversation which I knew was going nowhere.