I completely understand where you are right now. This was me in 2013. We had so many trust issues. Thinking knowledge is power, I began collecting forensic information from his phone and laptop. What I found led me to what his issues were with me, how we could recover, and how to deal with my issues with him. It took a long-ass time and a shit-ton of work. Neither one of us are perfect, but we trust each other now.
Through hard work, both on ourselves, our careers, our home and relationships, we've built quite a life together. I don't want to give mine up either.
What scares me about your post, is it sounds like neither of you trust the other. I don't have to tell you this can lead down some vicious paths. Please be careful.
I'm here lurking and just wanted to thank everyone who shares their experiences, opinions and advice. I've been married to the greatest, most beautiful woman in the world for the past 30; the past decade has been sexless by her choice. The rejection hurts, as you all know. The anger builds up from time to time; particularly after an abrupt rejection. I'm ashamed of taking things into my own hands. I'll never outsource, though I think of it quite often. I work at a major university, around 20,000 coeds in the prime of their physical life. Too often, one gets a crush on her professor and follows me around flirtatiously.
But, I'm staying. My wife is magnificent in most every other way. I am accustomed to "doing without" due to my upbringing. We made a promise to each other (which I admit she has broken). I will be sad and frustrated, but I will also be happy and in love. Just sexless.
I don't judge anyone here or their decision. I just wanted to throw my decision into the discussion as another take on staying or going.
Rhapsodee is staying and making the best of the situation.
Would be very interested in hearing the secrets of your staying successfully.
This year it got to be too much for me to handle anymore. I realize my situation is never going to get much better (if at all) and I don't want to spend my remaining years alone, suffering in a SM. I need love, companionship, excitement and new lover(s).
Right now it's very tough day to day, but I have an exit plan I'm working on I'm pushing on. I think I'm going through the hardest part right now, just waiting for the countdown clock to get to launch time. I think of the many hours before launch the astronauts have to wait in anticipation for the trip. I'm feeling the same way right now. I have to keep whispering to myself "patience, must be patient".
It’s hard to continue to love someone romantically who doesn’t love you back in the way you need to feel like a whole person.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
solodriver: Thanks warmways
Oct 30, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: When using a member's username in a post, how does one get it to be in different color and work as a link? I can type in the name but after posting it doesn't look the same as when others use member's usernames in their posts.
Nov 2, 2019 11:37:25 GMT -5
bfar: Just stumbled on this article:https://masculinebydesign.com/sexless-marriage-is-symptomatic-of-emasculated-husbands/ was more than a little disconcerting. Are we digging ourselves further in the hole by trying to be all enlightened and sensitive?
Nov 3, 2019 13:46:42 GMT -5
petrushka: Mate, what's the alternative to all enlightened and sensitive here? Rape? Coercion? Sexual assault? Thanks, but I can do better than being a complete arsehole (or psychopath for that matter).
Nov 3, 2019 21:11:53 GMT -5
bfar: Petrushka... I'm just wondering if we shot ourselves in the foot, as it were, by giving giving up on our strength, and giving in to the feminist agenda of making men irrelevant.
Nov 5, 2019 11:30:21 GMT -5
petrushka: Sorry, I don't buy into that at all. I'm not giving up anything. I've been into the "feminist agenda" for nearly 60 years. Having an empowered partner empowers me. I want strong women around me who take responsibility for themselves and who can face me
Nov 5, 2019 17:20:16 GMT -5
petrushka: I see 'strong men', and controlling bullies, as basically weak, lacking confidence and self esteem -- hence they think they need to assert themselves that way. I loathe patriarchy as much as matriarchy. Partners should be equals.
Nov 5, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5