I completely understand where you are right now. This was me in 2013. We had so many trust issues. Thinking knowledge is power, I began collecting forensic information from his phone and laptop. What I found led me to what his issues were with me, how we could recover, and how to deal with my issues with him. It took a long-ass time and a shit-ton of work. Neither one of us are perfect, but we trust each other now.
Through hard work, both on ourselves, our careers, our home and relationships, we've built quite a life together. I don't want to give mine up either.
What scares me about your post, is it sounds like neither of you trust the other. I don't have to tell you this can lead down some vicious paths. Please be careful.
I'm here lurking and just wanted to thank everyone who shares their experiences, opinions and advice. I've been married to the greatest, most beautiful woman in the world for the past 30; the past decade has been sexless by her choice. The rejection hurts, as you all know. The anger builds up from time to time; particularly after an abrupt rejection. I'm ashamed of taking things into my own hands. I'll never outsource, though I think of it quite often. I work at a major university, around 20,000 coeds in the prime of their physical life. Too often, one gets a crush on her professor and follows me around flirtatiously.
But, I'm staying. My wife is magnificent in most every other way. I am accustomed to "doing without" due to my upbringing. We made a promise to each other (which I admit she has broken). I will be sad and frustrated, but I will also be happy and in love. Just sexless.
I don't judge anyone here or their decision. I just wanted to throw my decision into the discussion as another take on staying or going.
Rhapsodee is staying and making the best of the situation.
Would be very interested in hearing the secrets of your staying successfully.
This year it got to be too much for me to handle anymore. I realize my situation is never going to get much better (if at all) and I don't want to spend my remaining years alone, suffering in a SM. I need love, companionship, excitement and new lover(s).
Right now it's very tough day to day, but I have an exit plan I'm working on I'm pushing on. I think I'm going through the hardest part right now, just waiting for the countdown clock to get to launch time. I think of the many hours before launch the astronauts have to wait in anticipation for the trip. I'm feeling the same way right now. I have to keep whispering to myself "patience, must be patient".
It’s hard to continue to love someone romantically who doesn’t love you back in the way you need to feel like a whole person.