I completely understand where you are right now. This was me in 2013. We had so many trust issues. Thinking knowledge is power, I began collecting forensic information from his phone and laptop. What I found led me to what his issues were with me, how we could recover, and how to deal with my issues with him. It took a long-ass time and a shit-ton of work. Neither one of us are perfect, but we trust each other now.
Through hard work, both on ourselves, our careers, our home and relationships, we've built quite a life together. I don't want to give mine up either.
What scares me about your post, is it sounds like neither of you trust the other. I don't have to tell you this can lead down some vicious paths. Please be careful.
I'm here lurking and just wanted to thank everyone who shares their experiences, opinions and advice. I've been married to the greatest, most beautiful woman in the world for the past 30; the past decade has been sexless by her choice. The rejection hurts, as you all know. The anger builds up from time to time; particularly after an abrupt rejection. I'm ashamed of taking things into my own hands. I'll never outsource, though I think of it quite often. I work at a major university, around 20,000 coeds in the prime of their physical life. Too often, one gets a crush on her professor and follows me around flirtatiously.
But, I'm staying. My wife is magnificent in most every other way. I am accustomed to "doing without" due to my upbringing. We made a promise to each other (which I admit she has broken). I will be sad and frustrated, but I will also be happy and in love. Just sexless.
I don't judge anyone here or their decision. I just wanted to throw my decision into the discussion as another take on staying or going.
choosinghappy: Hope you had a great birthday h!
Sept 1, 2018 21:19:34 GMT -5
mrrobot: Hi guys, I don't know if this community is still active - if so, I posted a thread at the forum if anyone could give me some light I'd be really thankful! Cheers
Sept 2, 2018 7:48:17 GMT -5
georgia: Hi...I’ve just joined the group. And I simply need a place to vent and hopefully receive some help dealing with my utterly sexless marriage. After 15 years of marriage our sex life has dwindled to nada, zero, nothing.
Sept 3, 2018 14:48:18 GMT -5
kh: why even marry someone with a high libido if you hate sex
Sept 4, 2018 4:28:42 GMT -5
javba: kh - fast forward 2 kids and 20 years later I have not resolved the problem you're looking at. Now I have cracked 51 yrs, have lesser chances of finding someone, not as market-able. You may want to reconsider "child is 8 mon old" with a 50% divorce rate
Sept 4, 2018 10:07:57 GMT -5
DryCreek: mrrobot, georgia, kh - welcome! I see a couple of you have posted your stories in the forum. I think not a lot of folks use this chat because you can only see it on laptops, not on phones. georgia, please do post your story and vent here. We get it.
Sept 6, 2018 10:29:43 GMT -5