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Post by mypaintbrushes on Dec 2, 2017 12:54:02 GMT -5
My mom asked the question last night of whether my H could be “latently gay” (her words).
She had been watching his Facebook feed lately and wondered aloud why he has so many “female” (again, in her words) hobbies (Zumba, roller derby, something called Buti Yoga that is marketed to women).
I don’t know that it makes a difference, one way or another, why he is always socializing with women when he has a woman at home. When he left for roller derby the other night, he had on a lot of Axe. And got defensive when I questioned why.
Again, whether he’s gay or straight makes no difference; I don’t feel heard, respected or cared about. He and I spoke fewer than ten words to each other all day, and he decided to take the day off from helping me with our son. We literally did not spend time together as a family, and he made a longish, flowery post on Facebook about the wonderful women of roller derby.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Dec 2, 2017 13:20:57 GMT -5
Sounds like at least 3 pink flags to me. I told my mom, “You’re at least the fourth person to have wondered that!” Sadly.
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Post by M2G on Dec 2, 2017 13:43:40 GMT -5
Very sorry to read your post.
I don't know what "latently gay" means, like, you either like cock, or you don't like cock. Not judging because it doesn't matter.
What matters, is that he drove you to this board.
What matters, is that he's made you feel like YOU don't matter.
That, is the real tragedy, isn't it?
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 2, 2017 14:56:17 GMT -5
Is remaining with a man who treats you with such indifference worth it to you?
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Post by jim44444 on Dec 2, 2017 21:18:48 GMT -5
I agree with northstarmom, what value does he bring to your marriage?
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Post by baza on Dec 2, 2017 21:59:03 GMT -5
Past info from Sister mypaintbrushes indicate that he is a financial leech, surely and steadily sucking her dry. That, appears to be the compelling and urgent issue.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2017 22:13:42 GMT -5
sounds like a man who wants a woman, not a man.....
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 2, 2017 23:31:49 GMT -5
He may not be gay. Zumba classes are pretty much full of women. Early this year as a coping mechanism I started attending classes at the gym. Zumba is not my thing. Some of the classes take a lot of endurance, and there was something positive about being in a room full of women who could all kick my ass.
Whatever is going on, if he is going out the door smelling like a spilled bottle of cheap cologne, all while ignoring you, that is a bad sign. Gay or straight or somewhere in between, he wants to fuck something and it is not you.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Dec 3, 2017 6:46:53 GMT -5
My mom asked the question last night of whether my H could be “latently gay” (her words). She had been watching his Facebook feed lately and wondered aloud why he has so many “female” (again, in her words) hobbies (Zumba, roller derby, something called Buti Yoga that is marketed to women). I don’t know that it makes a difference, one way or another, why he is always socializing with women when he has a woman at home. When he left for roller derby the other night, he had on a lot of Axe. And got defensive when I questioned why. Again, whether he’s gay or straight makes no difference; I don’t feel heard, respected or cared about. He and I spoke fewer than ten words to each other all day, and he decided to take the day off from helping me with our son. We literally did not spend time together as a family, and he made a longish, flowery post on Facebook about the wonderful women of roller derby. Have you performed a sweep of your H’s phone and computer history? I’d be checking into that.
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Post by Apocrypha on Dec 4, 2017 13:23:08 GMT -5
My mom asked the question last night of whether my H could be “latently gay” (her words). She had been watching his Facebook feed lately and wondered aloud why he has so many “female” (again, in her words) hobbies (Zumba, roller derby, something called Buti Yoga that is marketed to women). I don’t know that it makes a difference, one way or another, why he is always socializing with women when he has a woman at home. When he left for roller derby the other night, he had on a lot of Axe. And got defensive when I questioned why. Again, whether he’s gay or straight makes no difference; I don’t feel heard, respected or cared about. He and I spoke fewer than ten words to each other all day, and he decided to take the day off from helping me with our son. We literally did not spend time together as a family, and he made a longish, flowery post on Facebook about the wonderful women of roller derby. Yes. Collectively, those are activities that are almost exclusively enjoyed by women, and roller derby is particularly popular in the TG and lesbian community. I don't know too many gay men that are into all that - but TG and cross-dressing men often are, and the virtue-signalling Facebook posts about the wonderful women in his life suggests a fair amount of overcompensation. I'm going to suggest that some form of TG is his thing. Regardless, his reasons don't matter much if he doesn't desire you and you are existing in a partnership but in social isolation. It sounds like he is taking steps to associate closer within communities of some affinity. I wouldn't expect that to decrease over time. It just comes down to what you intend to do with what you've been served.
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Post by ladytjb on Dec 4, 2017 20:12:10 GMT -5
My mom asked the question last night of whether my H could be “latently gay” (her words). She had been watching his Facebook feed lately and wondered aloud why he has so many “female” (again, in her words) hobbies (Zumba, roller derby, something called Buti Yoga that is marketed to women). I don’t know that it makes a difference, one way or another, why he is always socializing with women when he has a woman at home. When he left for roller derby the other night, he had on a lot of Axe. And got defensive when I questioned why. Again, whether he’s gay or straight makes no difference; I don’t feel heard, respected or cared about. He and I spoke fewer than ten words to each other all day, and he decided to take the day off from helping me with our son. We literally did not spend time together as a family, and he made a longish, flowery post on Facebook about the wonderful women of roller derby. It’s so terribly hard to be in that position as I’ve been there myself. My first serious adult relationship was with a guy that was several years older than me. When I first met him in class, he was always with a female friend. I thought they were a couple but then saw her with someone else at the bar one night so I knew they weren’t. Then when he and I started talking I figured I was wrong. Fast forward to almost two years later....we moved six hours away to Chicago and things got weird. He began to stay out late with girls he worked with and met some other girl through them. But then one night I found a secret email address open on our computer that was his. He was talking to men through online ads on Craigslist to try and arrange meet ups. He even talked about meeting someone at a glory hole in a seedy part of town! I immediately tried calling him and texting him (another night when he was gone all night and I didn’t know where he was) and told him what I found. He rushed home to tell me that it was all some joke and it was something he and his brother did to make fun of people. But I knew that was a lie. I moved out a week later. He has never truly come out but there were other signs that I should’ve listened to long before that. The lack of initiation when we would have sex and several other things I won’t get into detail about. I feel that he will continue to live a lie as he was always teased by his friends and family about being so feminine and being the “gay one” even though he’s always dated women publicly. To this day, almost 13 years later, he still hasn’t come out and is still in and out of relationships. Not sure if that means he’s gay and is living a lie or if what I discovered about him was just a phase or perhaps a joke like he claimed. Although I doubt the latter one. All I can say is trust your gut. If your first instinct is that you think he is gay, then he probably is. That doesn’t make it any easier, but at least you’ll be able to finally know and move on.
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 4, 2017 20:25:42 GMT -5
Okay. Lets see. I knit. I bake. I practice reiki and meditate. I do the laundry and the dishes. Yet, no one, ever, has thought me gay. (Yes, I also rebuild engines, and shoot pistols competitively ) Sounds to me a case of "if you have to ask".... I agree with northstarmom , I'm not sure that his being gay, is really the issue . How he treats you is.
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Post by obobfla on Dec 4, 2017 21:36:12 GMT -5
Does it really matter if he is gay or not? The point is that he is not having sex with you.
If female friends were a sign of being gay, “God Save the Queen” would have an entirely different meaning for me. The truth is that I am very heterosexual. I just enjoy being around women, whether I have sex with them or not. My best friends have always been female. If he is gay, then he is not being truthful to himself or you. Let him follow his heart, and you follow yours.
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Post by h on Dec 4, 2017 21:44:17 GMT -5
Thanks wewbwb for bringing this up. I do the laundry and dishes, I am an excellent cook, and I also know my way around a sewing machine. I also hunt, fish, and do all the repair and remodeling on our home. Break the stereotypes!
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Post by idgaf96 on Dec 4, 2017 23:04:12 GMT -5
Maybe he is gay. Maybe not. All that matters is he is not meeting your needs. Maybe find a new gay friend and see his response?
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