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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 14, 2016 14:43:18 GMT -5
...and I just got an email, a text, and a voicemail from a good friend of mine encouraging me to apply for a dream internship program that could potentially lead to a dream career in an area that's been my long term goal for a very, very long time.
Problem being, it would be 6 months in DC starting in January.
The universe is a cruel, fickle mistress sometimes.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 14, 2016 14:44:41 GMT -5
What's 6 months in the rest of you life Tiger? Bloody do it! Xx
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 14, 2016 14:50:23 GMT -5
...and I just got an email, a text, and a voicemail from a good friend of mine encouraging me to apply for a dream internship program that could potentially lead to a dream career in an area that's been my long term goal for a very, very long time. Problem being, it would be 6 months in DC starting in January. The universe is a cruel, fickle mistress sometimes. That sounds like the jeany in Aladdin! "You've got some power in your corner now, some heavy ammunition in your camp!" What can it hurt to apply? Sounds like a win ,win, situation! |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 14, 2016 14:58:51 GMT -5
...and I just got an email, a text, and a voicemail from a good friend of mine encouraging me to apply for a dream internship program that could potentially lead to a dream career in an area that's been my long term goal for a very, very long time. Problem being, it would be 6 months in DC starting in January. The universe is a cruel, fickle mistress sometimes. Go for it!! Sounds like a great opportunity. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2016 15:10:08 GMT -5
...and I just got an email, a text, and a voicemail from a good friend of mine encouraging me to apply for a dream internship program that could potentially lead to a dream career in an area that's been my long term goal for a very, very long time. Problem being, it would be 6 months in DC starting in January. The universe is a cruel, fickle mistress sometimes. Cruel? Fickle? Dude there's half your mandatory separation right there! I don't think the universe could be sending you a clearer message. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2016 15:10:43 GMT -5
...and I just got an email, a text, and a voicemail from a good friend of mine encouraging me to apply for a dream internship program that could potentially lead to a dream career in an area that's been my long term goal for a very, very long time. Problem being, it would be 6 months in DC starting in January. The universe is a cruel, fickle mistress sometimes. Go for it!! Sounds like a great opportunity. In more ways than one. |
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Post by warmways on Aug 14, 2016 15:28:10 GMT -5
Yes! Definitely go for it! Just try it
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Post by baza on Aug 15, 2016 3:10:01 GMT -5
Quoting you her Brother CT.
"...and I just got an email, a text, and a voicemail from a good friend of mine encouraging me to apply for a dream internship program that could potentially lead to a dream career in an area that's been my long term goal for a very, very long time.
Problem being, it would be 6 months in DC starting in January.
The universe is a cruel, fickle mistress sometimes."
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From here, it looks like a potentially excellent opportunity for your career, and to apply Zipcode therapy to your dud marriage.
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 15, 2016 8:07:51 GMT -5
Emailed my friend for more information on the deadline for the next couple of classes in the program- I may have missed the window for January, but there will be other options coming up.
The wife and I will talk about it when I have more concrete information.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 15, 2016 18:39:03 GMT -5
Ooooo I hope you didn't miss it x
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 15, 2016 18:40:14 GMT -5
Ooooo I hope you didn't miss it x There will be other classes in the near future.  |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 15, 2016 21:57:00 GMT -5
...and I just got an email, a text, and a voicemail from a good friend of mine encouraging me to apply for a dream internship program that could potentially lead to a dream career in an area that's been my long term goal for a very, very long time. Problem being, it would be 6 months in DC starting in January. The universe is a cruel, fickle mistress sometimes. Sometimes the universe is giving us what we NEED (and not what we WANT) - - and often, we can't see it for what it is. I think you should go for the internship. You aren't moving YET - that is, I assume there is a selection process and you may or may not get the gig. In any case, 6 months is what fraction of time that you have awaited resolution to your SM issues? And - it may well be good to have space for 6 months time to see whether you miss her or not. Just saying. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 16, 2016 9:08:04 GMT -5
So, quick update. She came back Sunday, and we've slept in separate rooms the last two nights. I've been doing my own thing like I established last week, and it's been going just fine for me- prepping meals, walking the dogs, etc.
She's having a much rougher go of it. She told me last night that she feels like we're strangers (welcome to my world), and that she'd had a panic attack and was taking Xanax. I asked her if it was anything she wanted to talk about and she said no. I asked her if it anything she wanted to write down to talk about later (as recommended by our counselor), and she thought for a minute and said no. Not knowing what else to do, I went back to doing all the things I needed to get done, when she abruptly got off the couch and went to the bedroom, in tears. I knocked on the door to ask if she was OK, and she told me she just wanted to be alone.
Several times she's told me that she hates this. So far, I've avoided the temptation to remind her that this didn't just happen overnight.
I slept in the spare bedroom last night.
I see my therapist this afternoon- this should make for one hell of a discussion.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 16, 2016 9:24:02 GMT -5
It is exceedingly kind of you NOT to say "welcome to my world" - she may not have any understanding what restrain it requires of you to not gloat about "her having a hard time" - but I do know. I wasn't entirely gracious - once I had told my Ex of my decisions and left for a day of space and the weeks that followed - a little snark slipped out once in a while (maybe, an unfair amount - but - I'm human). Good job of being the better person, CT. Don't get ickier than you need to - but stick to your points and emphasize that a relationship, by its very definition, requires honest participation from both people. If she won't open up to let you in, and she won't be present to share her thoughts/feelings, then you are "in this" alone and that is not a marriage, not a relationship.
Good luck at therapist!
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Post by nyartgal on Aug 16, 2016 9:50:45 GMT -5
Sounds to me that this marriage is pretty much universally understood to be toast, including by your therapist, who is just waiting for one or both of you to have the guts to officially end it. Meaning you, since your wife never will, she's too busy feeling sorry for herself and crying in the corner from the safety of her old pizza boxes.
My ex and I went to two couples therapists. One I loved, he was great and it was fascinating to hear my ex say things in therapy---like admitting he had erectile dysfunction---that he never admitted to me. Then I had a brief but torrid affair and said we had to address the sex issues pronto which therapist #1 felt we should see a specialist for. So we found a sex therapist who was completely useless. I mean, this woman inspired zero confidence. I don't know if she was acting dumb or just was dumb, but the whole thing was a complete waste of time and money.
Both therapists said that 9 times out of 10 people come to them when it's already too late. I don't think this is just an excuse for not being able to fix marriages. My experience and that of others I know who have gone to couples counseling are of two groups: 1. People like us where the marriage has been dead for a long time and we've just been trying to keep the body warm and 2. People who have essentially solid marriages but need help getting though a rough patch. The vast majority are in group #1.
Sex is the thermometer that tells you what the temperature of your marriage is---it in itself is not the temperature. If your sex thermometer reads "stuck in a giant block of ice," that means the marriage has been dead for a long time.
My conclusion from all of the above and years on EP and here is very simple: once the sex is dead, so is the marriage, and there is no bringing it back.
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