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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2016 9:18:55 GMT -5
I just don't get it. For years, this man has essentially ignored me and now that I'm divorcing him, he is all up in my business. Calls and texts constantly, "drops by" without calling first. Just now, I'm sitting on my couch in MY apartment in the sunshine drinking a cup of coffee and checking in here. Ring, ring - WTF? It's not even 7:00 a.m. on an Saturday morning and he's already calling (He called at 6:30 a.m. yesterday). He tells me everything he's done this morning (as if I care) and then starts giving me the list of what he expects me to do today at our house (which we're preparing to put on the market). He ends the conversation with, "See you in half an hour." Um, excuse me? I don't remember putting him in charge of my schedule. In fact, I believe that by divorcing him, I'm specifically saying that he is not in charge of any part of my life. What is his issue with trying to control me? He has never been this interested in my life - now he is constantly "checking in, just seeing how things are going!" Now that I want him out of my life, he keeps shoving his way in.
The worst part? Right now, right this very second, while I'm doing what I WANT to do, this little voice in the back of my head is saying "Ok, you've had your moment. Now you better get dressed and get over to the house and get to work." So I'm pissed off at him for pushing me around and I'm pissed off at myself for letting him push me. Here goes that little voice again - "Really, you better get going. You know you really do need to get to work." Argh! It's like my own brain is conspiring with him! Is it just habit for me to capitulate? When am I going to be able to push back?
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Post by misssunnybunny on Apr 2, 2016 9:25:15 GMT -5
Argh! So frustrating! It is like they don't want to give up that control they have over us. It will get easier. I had become so closed off and irritated every time I heard from him, I would give short answers but ultimately cave. That lasted only a short period of time, as being apart slowly worked a distance between us. It also helped when he got a girlfriend to take up more of his time! After that, I barely heard from him. Now I can tolerate him slightly better; still have to see him on occasion because we have several friends in common. Stay strong, you will get through this!
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Post by TMD on Apr 2, 2016 10:48:26 GMT -5
Pain in the ass. Could you ignore his call next time?
Perhaps time to set boundaries with him? Although I'm sure you already have. Even if you don't state them out loud to him, but follow for your sanity.
That kind of stuff would drive me mad.
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 2, 2016 12:54:03 GMT -5
"Sure, I'll be right there - don't go anywhere!" [Shows up 3 hours later, after having had a run, a shower, and coffee at the local shop.]
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2016 21:31:28 GMT -5
Don't answer the phone. Ever.
If he wants to talk to you, he can leave a message and you will call him back when it's convenient for you.
Or - if he's really being an ass about it - insist on communicating only through your attorneys.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 3, 2016 19:05:22 GMT -5
He has probably been in a self-satisfied stupor for years, never having to do anything proactive or really think about anything too much. And now his whole life has been turned on its head and he is waking up. Don't worry - it is not likely to last too long. Soon enough he will get comfortable again with his new status quo and go back to sleep.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2016 15:29:38 GMT -5
The worst part? Right now, right this very second, while I'm doing what I WANT to do, this little voice in the back of my head is saying "Ok, you've had your moment. Now you better get dressed and get over to the house and get to work." So I'm pissed off at him for pushing me around and I'm pissed off at myself for letting him push me. Here goes that little voice again - "Really, you better get going. You know you really do need to get to work." Argh! It's like my own brain is conspiring with him! Is it just habit for me to capitulate? When am I going to be able to push back? I know exactly what you mean. I have that little voice that keeps telling me that I need to get back to her and start working on the relationship again. I am telling that voice to shut the fuck up!
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