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Post by DryCreek on Apr 16, 2016 14:03:39 GMT -5
From a purely selfish sexual standpoint, I would have been better off scaring off one or two new FWB's off with bad technique, essentially using them as practice runs for the next one to come along. But, I couldn't seem to bear the thought of treating someone like a flight simulator. This was the essence of my feedback. You are very concerned about an issue that may not exist, on the premise that it can't be dealt with at the time if it happens. So, you're opting for full disclosure in an effort to be completely transparent. That's biting you in the ass, because you're alone in your transparency. Crude parallel, but bear with me... selling products for a manufacturer can put one in a similar predicament - at any given point in time, there are hundreds of known defects. In practice, most are benign or irrelevant for most customers; for some, there will be a show-stopper. You could push this list of defects on your customer in an attempt to be "transparent", but reality is that it makes you appear riddled with problems compared to alternatives (who each have their own list of defects, perhaps more severe, but they don't share them). The better solution is to get that trial run, to see if everything works well in the context of *that* customer's needs - because, in the end, that is all that matters. So, I'm not proposing that you intentionally use others for your experiments, but don't try to talk yourself out of a "sale". I think it would be perfectly acceptable to share that you're coming out of a long relationship, and you're easing back into the dating scene. If things don't go as well as hoped, explain that you seem to have some performance anxiety to overcome, and ask for a little patience. Don't let it end on a flat note; make sure she enjoys herself anyway. FWIW, I've dealt with this problem in new relationships as well, even at a young age. It all works out. DC |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 16, 2016 14:38:31 GMT -5
This helps me in many circumstances. There is a difference in worry and concern. I'm sure there are things we all " worry " about that never happen. I worry that it might rain, I worry that no one will talk to me, I worry that I might not sleep well, I worry that the store will be crowded, etc...
Then there is concern. , having the knowledge that a problem can be solved, with effort, and being aware of it!
Just the fact you are concerned, is not something to worry over!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2016 13:05:54 GMT -5
For married men it is extremely difficult to meet people for a sexual relationship in person or online (even if it is just a picture exchange)Just the fact you got that far makes you fortunate indeed. Your reaction is only temporary I'm sure and it's important that you appreciate the fact you actually met somebody who wants to be sexual with you. I say relax and enjoy you are a lucky guy.
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Post by LITW on Apr 19, 2016 13:44:15 GMT -5
Ah the price .... there is a price to be paid even if you don't know what that price is. One cannot be rejected for something as core to who they are as their sexuality and NOT pay a price for it.
I have paid a similar price as you:
1) It made me feel as if I have to hide my sexuality from others
2) It made me feel as though I cannot let people (especially women) get close to me for fear they won't like me once they get to know me.
3) When we do have sexual contact, I am extremely nervous and self conscious ... which has led to PE (sorry if that tmi)
4) It has made me feel insanely guilty for being sexually attracted to other women
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Post by misssunnybunny on Apr 19, 2016 14:40:47 GMT -5
Ah the price .... there is a price to be paid even if you don't know what that price is. One cannot be rejected for something as core to who they are as their sexuality and NOT pay a price for it. I have paid a similar price as you: 1) It made me feel as if I have to hide my sexuality from others 2) It made me feel as though I cannot let people (especially women) get close to me for fear they won't like me once they get to know me. 3) When we do have sexual contact, I am extremely nervous and self conscious ... which has led to PE (sorry if that tmi) 4) It has made me feel insanely guilty for being sexually attracted to other women Liking this seems wrong, but I want to acknowledge that the feelings are so real. I can identify with all your points; well, not the PE for obvious reasons. =) It is so awful to feel this way as a person, to have these levels of hurt in our hearts and such self-doubt. It is a lasting effect and I feel I have gotten past much of it. #2 resonates because I am afraid of dating because I am so nervous that men won't like me once they get to know me; there is something inherently wrong with me because the person who once promised to love me forever rejected me. |
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 19, 2016 15:11:33 GMT -5
Ah the price .... there is a price to be paid even if you don't know what that price is. One cannot be rejected for something as core to who they are as their sexuality and NOT pay a price for it. I have paid a similar price as you: 1) It made me feel as if I have to hide my sexuality from others 2) It made me feel as though I cannot let people (especially women) get close to me for fear they won't like me once they get to know me. 3) When we do have sexual contact, I am extremely nervous and self conscious ... which has led to PE (sorry if that tmi) 4) It has made me feel insanely guilty for being sexually attracted to other women Liking this seems wrong, but I want to acknowledge that the feelings are so real. I can identify with all your points; well, not the PE for obvious reasons. =) It is so awful to feel this way as a person, to have these levels of hurt in our hearts and such self-doubt. It is a lasting effect and I feel I have gotten past much of it. #2 resonates because I am afraid of dating because I am so nervous that men won't like me once they get to know me; there is something inherently wrong with me because the person who once promised to love me forever rejected me. That rejection was by one man that had issues. Enjoy your life and put yourself out there! |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Apr 19, 2016 20:28:36 GMT -5
LITW & BBG, thank you so much. I know the years of rejection have placed that insecurity in my mind. It is the one feeling that feels the most insurmountable. I have dealt with so much to recover and put myself back together, and it is that feeling I cannot completely shake. Sure I have good days where I can tell that feeling to get lost, but others where it won't leave my mind. I am so much stronger now than when I first left, and I know this too shall pass.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 6:06:24 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 1:36:03 GMT -5
Apart from not having sex for many years the hardest part is not being able to talk to anyone about it. I remember telling an old girlfriend I met for a drink in a local bar about my long term sexless marriage (after I'd had three or four beers) and she didn't believe me and told me I was just saying that so she would give me some "mercy sex" which she didn't.
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