Gay Male Romantic Novels in SM Jul 31, 2022 19:56:07 GMT -5 jim44444, tamara68, and 1 more like this
Post by newlife2022 on Jul 31, 2022 19:56:07 GMT -5
I'm new to this forum so please go easy on me. I came across this site by accident and have found it super helpful so far.
Here is my story - hoping for some insightful thoughts.
Wife and I married nearly 24 years with 2 kids, 20 to 26yo & still living at home with us. I am 57 and she is 52 going through menopause.
SM for past 18 months and prior to that for many years about 4-5 times a year whenever she felt like it. I rarely instigated it as I didn't want to add pressure and don't like the feeling of rejection, so simply accepted it.
About 3 months ago she suggested we seek counseling as she could see how unhappy I was becoming and how I was avoiding her.
At counseling she says it has been a build of over the years where my work and sport was a priority plus she has always had libido (which I agree with) and her hormone & menopause further affecting her interest in any sexual activity.
This may all be true but in addition to this my wife also shows no affection. No hand holding, no cuddle at night or morning. Nothing. When I raised this in 1st session, she said because whenever she does, I push it and then want to initiate sex. (Totally disagree with this, but if that how she feels then so be it). Our only sign of any physical interaction is a goodbye peck on the cheek (sometimes lips) or similar greeting when she comes home from work.
Counseling so far has focused on us going on date nights and slowly slowly introducing some affection and intimacy. The date nights have gone well and after 2 months our affection is limited to a bit of hand holding from car to restaurant and playing footsies in bed for 5 minutes before we go to bed. Wife's continuous comments to me are "its taken so many years to get to this, it's going to take a long time to fix - let's just work on us being friends first and go from there."
At one of our date nights I said to her "I need to know if we are working towards us being intimate again with sexual interaction OR we are working towards marriage where we co-parent, co-habit, co-finance, do everything together but with no intimacy or sex?" . She said the former, which gives me some hope. I made it clear that the latter was not an option for me, to which she said I knew that would be the case.
Now here is where things get really murky. I have discovered that my wife is regular reader of gay male romantic books. Over past 2 years perhaps 30 books. I've read on other forums that it is not unusual for women to be interested in those type of books and really means nothing about their sexual orientation. Women like reading those books because they identify with some of the characters and their struggles etc. I've also mentioned this to our therapist in our single sessions plus my own therapist (both female) and they both dismissed this as nothing of concern and I should not dwell on this.
To date I have not raised it directly with my wife for fear that this could totally destroy the relationship that is slowly building and improving as well as the trust of her asking how I came to know this. I can't help but think this is playing a huge part in her lack of interest in me.
My view is that she wants as much time as possible for us to become much closer to give her time to understand herself and have the courage to let me know her true feelings and in doing so, make it much harder for me to leave when I'm in that state of closeness compared to where we were 3 months ago (where I would have just packed up and left).
Appreciate your thoughts especially from any females on this forum.