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Post by theexplorer on Mar 16, 2022 18:31:49 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Mar 16, 2022 19:30:44 GMT -5
As a single issue, the linked article is - like many many other articles - good basic stuff in helping one realise the reality of ones situation. And usually, if you have googled 'sexless marriage' you already have a sneaking suspicion that all is not well in your deal anyway. You usually don't google 'sexless marriage' as your first option. Usually, the position has to have deteriorated enough for you to figure something is badly amiss, and googling 'sexless marriage' is your last resort. Then, the question becomes "now what ?" Anyway, interesting article, thanks for sourcing and posting it Brother theexplorer .
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Post by theexplorer on Mar 21, 2022 14:43:44 GMT -5
This article definitely helped me understand the reality of my situation. My wife's love is shallow and superficial. Realizing there is a problem has been much easier than understanding the problem. The question I've had lingering in my mind has been, "Why doesn't she love me more deeply?" Is the problem with her, or am I a man that can not be deeply loved for some reason? Is there some flaw in me that contributes to this situation? Is there anything I can do or change to become more lovable?
The linked article describes my wife reasonably well. (Coincidently, it almost perfectly describes one of my parents!) Based on this article, my wife would probably find it difficult to deeply love any man.
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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 21, 2022 16:36:48 GMT -5
This article definitely helped me understand the reality of my situation. My wife's love is shallow and superficial. Realizing there is a problem has been much easier than understanding the problem. The question I've had lingering in my mind has been, "Why doesn't she love me more deeply?" Is the problem with her, or am I a man that can not be deeply loved for some reason? Is there some flaw in me that contributes to this situation? Is there anything I can do or change to become more lovable? The linked article describes my wife reasonably well. (Coincidently, it almost perfectly describes one of my parents!) Based on this article, my wife would probably find it difficult to deeply love any man. How many acquaintances, human interactions and various relationships do you have with people who you love deeply? Is it someone's fault that it's almost none of them ? Is there something wrong with them? Is there something wrong with you? Being human, as I assume most of us are (notwithstanding the fake diploma bots on this site), I would think that all of us have flaws, including those who ARE loved deeply. I imagine we can all do things to be more loveable. Some might be harder to love than others. If someone doesn't love you, or no longer loves you, it's not necessarily a flaw in them- a failure to produce the desired love. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with them that needs fixing. Even if it does, how are you going to approach fixing them so they love you? Many people love a bad person or someone seemingly undeserving of love, and this itself seems to be a terrible flaw. Many possibilities, but for most of the people in this situation here, I think the safer approach is about figuring out to be the best version of you that you can be -- the version you'd imagine wanting to present to the world as a single person. If it makes you more desirable to your spouse as well, then that's gravy. Your best bet is focusing on you, what you want in your life, and who you want to be. That's likely a more effective strategy that focusing on fixing someone else because they don't appear to love you.
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