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Post by warmways on Mar 14, 2022 22:20:46 GMT -5
Hi everyone! It’s been a long, long time since I posted here and even when I was on here, I barely did. I wanted to check in and let you know that leaving my SM was the best decision. It took many, many months to heal from the hell of that marriage. Divorce was final on 2/21/2019. The first year I felt so relieved and happy. The last two years I felt more settled and focused working harder and pushing myself out of my comfort zone career wise from years of wanting to hide and I was dealing with avoidance from my ex sexually, emotionally and in all ways he shut me out. I’m happy to report that although it took a long while to reclaim myself I am in school studying for my LCSW, working part time, rent a tiny apartment with my cat, tried dating and it was fun, am taking a break from it but want to jump back in soon. I have three volunteer jobs, I’m drawing and painting with artists in my community at a studio nearby, and life is so much more real, vibrant and colorful.
To anyone who is considering leaving and feeling like it’s just too much, I so relate. I spent many years feeling that way. There is just no easy way to pick up the phone and call the lawyer. It’s like ripping off a huge bandaid but I’ll never forget that day I forced myself to. It was the best call I ever made.
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 14, 2022 22:44:15 GMT -5
warmways it is good to read your update. It seems like many members say they cannot leave because (select any of a thousand reasons) of something. But the reality, as you have related, is yes they can leave and life can improve. It takes hard work to leave but it takes hard work to stay. Choose your hard.
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Post by baza on Mar 14, 2022 23:41:19 GMT -5
Just been reading your old threads Sister warmways . Just to remind myself of where you have come from (the old EP group and more recently in this group) Hell of a trip you've had ! and any newbie could do worse than read your full run of posts to see "informed choice" in real time and real conditions in action. Observation - In all my time on the old EP and this group I have never seen a story from a member who got out of their ILIASM shithole saying "well that was a huge mistake and I wish I hadn't done it". Not one. What you DO see from such members is invariably along the lines "I wish I'd done it sooner". That's not to recommend a headlong stampede to the exit for all .... but it does indicate that your chances of being unhappier (should you go down the divorce path) are not very high. Anyway, great to hear from you Sister warmways .
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Post by warmways on Mar 15, 2022 17:20:01 GMT -5
Hi Baza, Yes, exactly. I wish I’d left sooner but staying as long as I did made it harder to leave. I remember reading posts from you and others who’d forged ahead and made the decision to go and I would feel overwhelmed by what it would all entail. it’s so hard, etc. . What I finally realized was I had to force myself in a way to call the lawyer. That set the wheels in motion and only good followed. 🙏🏼
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Update
Mar 15, 2022 17:21:05 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by warmways on Mar 15, 2022 17:21:05 GMT -5
warmways it is good to read your update. It seems like many members say they cannot leave because (select any of a thousand reasons) of something. But the reality, as you have related, is yes they can leave and life can improve. It takes hard work to leave but it takes hard work to stay. Choose your hard.
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Post by warmways on Mar 15, 2022 17:29:09 GMT -5
So well said. I realize choosing the hard of leaving leads you somewhere. Choosing the hard of staying is just hard and usually nothing changes to warrant staying.
Both are hard but very gradually, once you are free, it’s not so hard at all, in fact you realize with every day it’s even less hard. It takes patience and support from friends and other resources but it’s so worth it.
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Post by dallasgia on Mar 17, 2022 12:06:37 GMT -5
warmways Your check-in message is just what I needed to hear today. I just made an appt for next Tuesday with attorney. I’m scared as hell, Gonna go read your threads now. Happy St Patricks day 🍀🍀🍀
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onempty
Junior Member
I'm almost free...
Posts: 66
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by onempty on Mar 18, 2022 15:49:21 GMT -5
warmways Your check-in message is just what I needed to hear today. I just made an appt for next Tuesday with attorney. I’m scared as hell, Gonna go read your threads now. Happy St Patricks day 🍀🍀🍀 Good luck@Dallasgia. We have similar stories and similar timeline. This divorce part isn’t fun. I hope yours isn’t as volatile as mine is.
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Post by warmways on Mar 21, 2022 21:06:59 GMT -5
warmways Your check-in message is just what I needed to hear today. I just made an appt for next Tuesday with attorney. I’m scared as hell, Gonna go read your threads now. Happy St Patricks day 🍀🍀🍀 You’ve got this. I’m sorry it took me so long to reply. I had a cold since Friday and hadn’t checked this site. I know you can do this and I will be there with everyone else on here supporting you. It will feel weird at first when you pick up the phone but just setting the wheels in motion is the best thing. i’m gonna check your threads now!
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Mar 21, 2022 22:52:07 GMT -5
The ancients say... The hardest journey begins but with the first step. warmways Your check-in message is just what I needed to hear today. I just made an appt for next Tuesday with attorney. I’m scared as hell, Gonna go read your threads now. Happy St Patricks day 🍀🍀🍀 You’ve got this. I’m sorry it took me so long to reply. I had a cold since Friday and hadn’t checked this site. I know you can do this and I will be there with everyone else on here supporting you. It will feel weird at first when you pick up the phone but just setting the wheels in motion is the best thing. i’m gonna check your threads now!
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Post by warmways on Mar 22, 2022 19:29:01 GMT -5
dallasgia Keep us posted on how it goes with your attorney. That’s huge that you made that first step. Way to go!! 🙌🍀🍀🍀
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 23, 2022 15:25:09 GMT -5
warmways Your check-in message is just what I needed to hear today. I just made an appt for next Tuesday with attorney. I’m scared as hell, Gonna go read your threads now. Happy St Patricks day 🍀🍀🍀 How was your attorney visit? Did it answer questions and calm fears?
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Post by warmways on Mar 27, 2022 23:39:57 GMT -5
Just having a strong wish like that will propel you forward. Sometimes it comes in fits and starts. My journey was like that. Let’s just say I wasn’t too prepared and made blunders, a lot false starts that “shred my cred” but eventually I was able to leave.
Wishing you the best!
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