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Post by shamwow on Oct 23, 2021 14:58:44 GMT -5
Yes. Thank you! I pray that we can end this amicably and remain "family" just not husband and wife. It's just so very difficult to communicate this to him. @ggold- I can see where you might be afraid of how this will play out. The unknown is the most difficult piece. The truth is, you won’t know how things play out until they actually do. One thing I found to be true with my own exit- following the advice of my therapist got me where I wanted to be. It took a while- she fed me assignments in very small doses. But, they were manageable. Scary as hell, but manageable. I ended up telling my ex “I don’t want the traditional divorce where we never see each other again. I want to retain our friendship in some way. I just don’t know what that looks like right now”. You both will find your way if you are both willing to forge a new relationship. It sounds like your h is willing. Give him the chance. To attempt an amicable split is admirable. I tried to do the same thing 4 years ago, and it was amicable so long as I had things to offer. When the concessions stopped, so did the amicable nature of our relationship. It takes to to tango.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 23, 2021 15:06:59 GMT -5
Aww, gGold, What does your therapist say? Staying out of it or does your therapist have an opinion of your progress toward the exit? She wants me to begin by reaching out to my attorney and see what my next steps will be. She said to take little steps forward. I agree, but taking the little steps feels like gigantic ones to me. She understands my fears and knows they have been compounded due to the pandemic. She encourages self-care as much as possible. I researched several attorneys, but when I called the first two to schedule a free consult, I hung up the phone in panic. But on my third and fourth attempts I was able to set up meetings. I recall the panic sitting in the parking lot and not wanting to go in. And that was AFTER I'd told my ex that I wanted a divorce (I did it kind of out of order). It is scary... But it's up to you to decide what you want...and how badly you want it. Nobody else can do that for you. I will say this, though. A free consult is exactly that... Free. Picking up the phone is scary but it is a small step. Maybe you first call the number knowing you'll hang up. Maybe you'll need a second, third, or fourth try to schedule the appointment. My advice? Pick up the phone. I'm 4 1/2 years downstream from doing so and am glad I dialed the number... No matter how many times I had to do it before talking to the voice on the other end.
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Post by cagedadventurer on Nov 10, 2021 4:17:08 GMT -5
Thank you deadzone75 for the clarity of what is really happening due to what is not happening."Being refused in a marriage does not compute with the brain"....brilliant and thank you!
I used to wonder the same thing: am I depressed because my brain is out of whack, or is it an eternity of refusal? Is my brain out of whack that much because I don't have sex? Do I really hate my job this much, or am I bitter and seething and blinded from my failed M? Do I really hate that couple walking down the street holding hands? That question will only be answered when you break away from the oppression, that much I know. I'm out of my SM now, but I still worry...a lot. I'm worrying right now. But you know what I don't have to worry about? Not getting sex or intimacy in any way, shape or form. Not that I'm scoring, but because I don't have the expectation to worry about. Granted, for many in a long-running SM, expectations are out the window. Except they aren't, not inside our minds. Being refused in a M does not compute with the brain. What refusers do defies the law, defies reason and logic, human behavior, basic needs.
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Post by ggold on Jan 26, 2022 19:57:30 GMT -5
Ggold Sep 28, 2019 RexCorvus and I always wish you the best. We are still navigating our way through our journey. We just had our first full week together and it was amazing! Any updates on that relationship? Our relationship recently ended and I am heartbroken.
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Post by Handy on Jan 26, 2022 20:57:36 GMT -5
I used to see that Rex would log into the form but hasn't for a while.
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Post by ggold on Jan 26, 2022 22:04:03 GMT -5
I used to see that Rex would log into the form but hasn't for a while. Rex has moved on. He’s happily divorced. I just wish I was the one he moved on with. 😢
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Post by Handy on Jan 26, 2022 22:17:55 GMT -5
Ggold just wish I was the one he moved on with.
I am sorry it didn't work out with Rex. I remember his posting that he was the luckiest guy to have met you and that you were perfect. I read all of his posts. It almost sounded too good so maybe the extremes do not necessarily relate to reality.
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Post by ggold on Jan 26, 2022 22:24:48 GMT -5
Ggold just wish I was the one he moved on with. I am sorry it didn't work out with Rex. I remember his posting that he was the luckiest guy to have met you and that you were perfect. I read all of his posts. It almost sounded too good so maybe the extremes do not necessarily relate to reality. Thank you. I am still struggling. I feel he was a blessing to me as well. 💔😢
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Post by ggold on Jan 26, 2022 22:40:40 GMT -5
Welcome back ggold . I know your story from reading back threads when I arrived here. I am sorry to her about your struggles during the pandemic. I hope that you find happiness soon. Thank you. It’s not been easy. I am trying to keep my head above water.
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