Post by cagedadventurer on Oct 9, 2021 10:39:30 GMT -5
Thank you Handy for finding this post; amazingly I had been looking for this just last week as I thought I'd print and share it with my W. The short version is over an irrational offense surrounding her 2 new dogs in addition to the fact I had invoked her estranged sister's name in a conversation with my son regarding using his talents and gifts for opportunities, she hurled the fiery cannon balls which always include how my kids hate me, etc. Not the case, but it is what she'll do now that I can hold my own against her history of twisted wording, she's always right" beat downs and shaming.
Anyway this EP article (which I had attributed to Apocrypha as I recall a brilliant summary from one of his posts) came to mind because as the haranguing continued she injected the statement "just because of one (1) thing", insistent that she is the ultimate mother and wife but for that "one thing" which reminded me of a conversation on 2001 when sex mentioned, her reply was "oh that". As though she really did not understand the mess it created and how its effects permeate EVERYTHING ELSE....negatively of course.
So in addition to a deeply telling reaction from her when I asked her to help me pull a car cover over the car (Florida summer sun), it is abundantly clear that so many refusers are able to compartmentalize this sexless-ness yet with a surprisingly acceptable blank space as to the ancillary ramifications....that is the lack of all the flirts and associated fun, fun, funniness, laughter, joint planning of trips, life, the future, the bonding of a married couple who otherwise have similar ideals. The actual nature of the relationship that has developed over the course of these LT marriages is so far from where it should be but it is the acceptable normal for the refuser as they seem to value the "one thing" along with say... stocking the refrigerator or planning dinner, or going to buy the kids some clothes, whereby it holds no disproportionate weight, a weighted value that we KNOW it actually has and was designed to have. To that, my experience indicates that this blank space is legitimate; HOWEVER if it were then why do so many spouses find 1,000 ways to distract and avoid the "one thing".....the contradiction not worth speculating on, rather the acceptance of it due to kids and lifestyle; for now anyway.