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Post by mypaintbrushes on May 6, 2021 1:17:14 GMT -5
I haven’t been here in forever, but something bugged me to check in. Jeezus, so sorry to hear about the insanity that’s ensued; I’m glad you two have each other.
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Post by petrushka on May 10, 2021 7:27:06 GMT -5
Oh my, I just read the penultimate update: "found with a sex toy in the bathtub". {sniggers} Shades of "Wilt" by Tom Sharpe. The guy really must've been a piece of work; what a sad life though in a way, he pissed it up against the wall.
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Post by darktippedrose on May 11, 2021 16:33:22 GMT -5
Hugz! I'm just starting the process myself. I hope it works out for you guys!
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Post by petrushka on May 11, 2021 16:50:55 GMT -5
Hugz! I'm just starting the process myself. I hope it works out for you guys!
Rose, seriously?
Congratulations! I really hope it goes well for you.
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Post by darktippedrose on May 11, 2021 16:52:33 GMT -5
Hugz! I'm just starting the process myself. I hope it works out for you guys!
Rose, seriously?
Congratulations! I really hope it goes well for you.
Me too. Talking to a lawyer on Monday. Still trying to find other divorcees to chat with for realistic expectations and such.
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Post by petrushka on May 11, 2021 18:56:05 GMT -5
Rose, seriously?
Congratulations! I really hope it goes well for you.
Me too. Talking to a lawyer on Monday. Still trying to find other divorcees to chat with for realistic expectations and such.
Realistic expectations can vary hugely. At one end there's the lucky people like myself, who spent $350 on the lawyer, and gave my 1st wife $5000 as her half share of the tractor that her father bought for us as a wedding present - actually, that was everything he contributed since I had paid the other 5000, and she walked away and went trekking the Himalayas again - footloose and fancy free as she liked it.
On the other hand there's people like my former landlady here who's been pursued by her ex husband with vexatious lawsuits, stalking, damaging her car, her water meter, spraying her garden with weed killer for years now. Apparently the judges are by now aware of his shenanigans and he gets short shrift at the courthouse, but it's been constant worry and upset for her, she was worried for her safety as well, we had to go rescue her a couple of times when he had boxed her in in a friend's house.
All sorts of idiots out there. Your stbx may just react in similar ways, going on what I remember of his past character descriptions by you, and go down the harrassment route. Make sure you have a safety net of people who can have your back.
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Update
May 12, 2021 0:14:39 GMT -5
Post by darktippedrose on May 12, 2021 0:14:39 GMT -5
Me too. Talking to a lawyer on Monday. Still trying to find other divorcees to chat with for realistic expectations and such.
Realistic expectations can vary hugely. At one end there's the lucky people like myself, who spent $350 on the lawyer, and gave my 1st wife $5000 as her half share of the tractor that her father bought for us as a wedding present - actually, that was everything he contributed since I had paid the other 5000, and she walked away and went trekking the Himalayas again - footloose and fancy free as she liked it.
On the other hand there's people like my former landlady here who's been pursued by her ex husband with vexatious lawsuits, stalking, damaging her car, her water meter, spraying her garden with weed killer for years now. Apparently the judges are by now aware of his shenanigans and he gets short shrift at the courthouse, but it's been constant worry and upset for her, she was worried for her safety as well, we had to go rescue her a couple of times when he had boxed her in in a friend's house.
All sorts of idiots out there. Your stbx may just react in similar ways, going on what I remember of his past character descriptions by you, and go down the harrassment route. Make sure you have a safety net of people who can have your back.
yes, its my thoughts too. I am considering my options.
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Post by nyartgal on May 12, 2021 19:49:30 GMT -5
Holy cannoli! I just read this entire thread and it’s like a TV movie! I’m so sorry you both have had to go through this. I also feel terrible for his children, imagine the dark cloud that must hang over them, knowing their own father was such a disaster. And I feel bad for him too, he must have been an extremely miserable and tortured person.
The good news, as you know, is that you are clearheaded, have a plan, are doing all the right things, and will move on from this. And you have cocktail party stories for life if you want to tell them!
Wishing you both all the best!
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Post by GeekGoddess on May 14, 2021 19:43:11 GMT -5
Just WOW. I trust and believe that between the two of you, shamwow and BOC, you will get all of the correct guidance on the bankruptcy proceedings and related paperworks. This does sound like a nightmare or a fiction so far-fetched, publishers would say it is to unbelievable to print. Really glad that you have each other's sane brains and strong shoulders to bear each other up through this experience. I hope all the kids are handling/coping okay - hers and yours. I love (and nearly want to cry) the sweet Mr BOC father - that poor, poor man. I am glad he feels that he can ask you about his son and also appreciate that you respect his right to know without adding information that you speculate or aren't really sure about. Keep putting one foot in front of the other - you will be on the path to your World Tour in no time flat.
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Post by workingonit on May 25, 2021 19:29:22 GMT -5
I have been off for months and jumped back on today and read this! Craziness!!! Sounds like you, unsurprisingly, have been awesome shamwow . I wish you would teach a class in how to be a partner! Love the map and the dreams and the plans. Life is too short, friend. But you are LIVING amd LOVING and nothing could be more beautiful.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jun 20, 2021 0:40:14 GMT -5
Wow! June 2017 till now. At least she is finally free and no matter how hard she can repair and rebuild with someone who can love her in a way she needs.
I appreciate your update. I have no idea when I first found ISIASM on EP, but I know there are some of us long timers who have followed your story with a smile. I am a bit sad for BOC as this might give her some emotions. The title widower has a different finality than divorcee.
I hope you manage through this and find yourselves traveling soon.
Hugs!
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jun 20, 2021 0:47:19 GMT -5
Another quick update. Today the body was cremated over a group face time. His ashes were to be shipped to his sister but she is out of the country at the moment. As a result, his ashes will be shipped to us and we will road trip Mr BOC to Oklahoma for the funeral in April. In the meantime, I will keep him in my study as I go through the books to try and piece everything together. Perhaps he can help. I am not making this shit up. Glad your keeping your sense of humor!
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Post by shamwow on Jun 21, 2021 19:55:29 GMT -5
Wow! June 2017 till now. At least she is finally free and no matter how hard she can repair and rebuild with someone who can love her in a way she needs. I appreciate your update. I have no idea when I first found ISIASM on EP, but I know there are some of us long timers who have followed your story with a smile. I am a bit sad for BOC as this might give her some emotions. The title widower has a different finality than divorcee. I hope you manage through this and find yourselves traveling soon. Hugs! Now that we actually KNOW how it has shaken out, we estimate around 3 years before we can begin running amuck (internationally that is)... Likely more adventures in the US in the meantime.
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optima
Junior Member
Posts: 35
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Post by optima on Nov 27, 2021 20:19:02 GMT -5
I wanted to update everyone on my own situation. After spending upwards of $50k in legal fees alone, we came to a settlement. I see my kids every other weekend and one night per week. Financially, it was devastating. She lives in a house I own half of and pay for. I’m in a one bedroom apartment. I have massive child support and alimony payments. I did get to keep the late model GMC Yukon (she’s keeping the newish GMC Envoy, of course). We are awaiting a formal divorce decree, but I’m legally good to move on. I did one month ago today. I had the kids over Thanksgiving and while there was drama with my ex wife, things ultimately did work and out and we had a nice holiday with my family. In fact, I feel the time I do spend with my young children is more focused and higher quality than it ever was when I was married. As for dating, I love it. I’ve been on four first dates already and women at the right types of bars (those where guys in their 30s and 40s go), I have successfully gotten girls’ numbers flying solo or going with friends. I can see a future where women are actually attracted to me and, one day soon, I will have sex again. The women are a higher caliber than my ex wife and many are openly flirtatious with me. I hate to see my young family torn apart, the drama and the financial toll, but my sense is I’m at bottom and things will get better from here. I’m fact, I’m glad and relieved I did it and I feel like I have my balls and dignity back. That, my friends, is priceless. I’ll keep you posted.
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Post by Handy on Nov 28, 2021 21:42:09 GMT -5
optima After spending upwards of $50k in legal fees alone, we came to a settlement.
Un real.
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