Post by shamwow on Feb 27, 2021 8:38:09 GMT -5
If you recall from previous posts, while I am fully divorced, ballofconfusion is still going through the process (which started in June 2017).
Or, she was at least until this week. Last Saturday, her ex died in his apartment, apparently of a heart attack or stroke (he was 52).
As I'm sure you can guess, this has created a real mess. We have sent the two oldest sons to Washington DC (where he lived) to box everything up and just ship it back here. We are getting the body cremated and having it shipped to Oklahoma where he is from. In April, there will be a service for him there.
When the boys got to his apartment, they found a couple ounces of meth, scales, syringes, etc... The levels of the drugs indicate he was not just using but also dealing. From the beginning I suspected he was gay, as well as having substance abuse issues (I'm a recovering alcoholic so meet many such folks in meetings). I never expected he would be dealing, though. The boys called the authorities who took all of that away.
There are a number of unexpected consequences to this...
- BOC is no longer divorcing, she is a widow in the eyes of the law.
- As a result, there is no "her half" and "his half", but just hers
- Unfortunately, he was a spender, and she is likely on the hook for everything (including after they separated)...I'm still doing the numbers, but the grand total of all debt is a looney tunes level of several hundred thousand dollars.
- As a result, we are now starting to look for a bankruptcy attorney to pursue Chapter 7.
- He had also stopped paying support almost 2 years ago. BOC's mom borrowed approximately 80k to help bridge this gap for a couple years.
- Unfortunately, he died 4 days before the arrears setting hearing took place. This means the status of the arrears is in limbo. We are trying to get a ruling in this since it would put her at the tip of the list of creditors.
- This also brings up the matter of probate. It appears he left no will and a whole lot of debt. Likely, strange as it sounds, I will be doing most of the leg work as executor since by virtue of the divorce, I am the most familiar with all of the accounts.
Obviously, there are a ton of emotions going on here from all parties (including me). Right now, we are focusing on helping the kids get through losing their dad (especially in this way). They are dealing with it in different ways as is expected.
In the short term, this is a nightmare. In the longer term, this probably works out better for us. Looking at his credit report, it appears he was setting himself up to declare bankruptcy as soon as we received the divorce judgment. This would have essentially gutted the court ruling since things like spousal support and family court judgements can be wiped away as well. All we would have had was an unenforceable judgment and a gigantic pile of attorney fees.
This, at least will likely save me another 15k in attorney fees and eliminates the need to try to track him down for the amount in arrears (the only thing that would likely survive a bankruptcy). He had trouble keeping a job so that would have been a never ending struggle.
Now, at least, there is finality. Although BOC will be declaring bankruptcy, this does not alter our plans to take a year off and travel the world after the last of the kids heads to college. Ironically, this likely accelerates it.
I'm not sure there are any real "lessons" here. It's just been a damn long week.
Or, she was at least until this week. Last Saturday, her ex died in his apartment, apparently of a heart attack or stroke (he was 52).
As I'm sure you can guess, this has created a real mess. We have sent the two oldest sons to Washington DC (where he lived) to box everything up and just ship it back here. We are getting the body cremated and having it shipped to Oklahoma where he is from. In April, there will be a service for him there.
When the boys got to his apartment, they found a couple ounces of meth, scales, syringes, etc... The levels of the drugs indicate he was not just using but also dealing. From the beginning I suspected he was gay, as well as having substance abuse issues (I'm a recovering alcoholic so meet many such folks in meetings). I never expected he would be dealing, though. The boys called the authorities who took all of that away.
There are a number of unexpected consequences to this...
- BOC is no longer divorcing, she is a widow in the eyes of the law.
- As a result, there is no "her half" and "his half", but just hers
- Unfortunately, he was a spender, and she is likely on the hook for everything (including after they separated)...I'm still doing the numbers, but the grand total of all debt is a looney tunes level of several hundred thousand dollars.
- As a result, we are now starting to look for a bankruptcy attorney to pursue Chapter 7.
- He had also stopped paying support almost 2 years ago. BOC's mom borrowed approximately 80k to help bridge this gap for a couple years.
- Unfortunately, he died 4 days before the arrears setting hearing took place. This means the status of the arrears is in limbo. We are trying to get a ruling in this since it would put her at the tip of the list of creditors.
- This also brings up the matter of probate. It appears he left no will and a whole lot of debt. Likely, strange as it sounds, I will be doing most of the leg work as executor since by virtue of the divorce, I am the most familiar with all of the accounts.
Obviously, there are a ton of emotions going on here from all parties (including me). Right now, we are focusing on helping the kids get through losing their dad (especially in this way). They are dealing with it in different ways as is expected.
In the short term, this is a nightmare. In the longer term, this probably works out better for us. Looking at his credit report, it appears he was setting himself up to declare bankruptcy as soon as we received the divorce judgment. This would have essentially gutted the court ruling since things like spousal support and family court judgements can be wiped away as well. All we would have had was an unenforceable judgment and a gigantic pile of attorney fees.
This, at least will likely save me another 15k in attorney fees and eliminates the need to try to track him down for the amount in arrears (the only thing that would likely survive a bankruptcy). He had trouble keeping a job so that would have been a never ending struggle.
Now, at least, there is finality. Although BOC will be declaring bankruptcy, this does not alter our plans to take a year off and travel the world after the last of the kids heads to college. Ironically, this likely accelerates it.
I'm not sure there are any real "lessons" here. It's just been a damn long week.