When my partner (who wants to have sex with me), wants to make it happen, she invites me over. I feel lucky with this partner - she's only about 8 min away by car. We both have kids and busy lives, but we make sure to leave space for each other when we have privacy opportunities because we value the connection.
My former partner lived about an hour away. Despite the difficulties of a long distance relationship, we still had a robust intimate life - and arranged other priorities to make time for this and other forms of connection for two years, until it became a bit too much to manage.
In my marriage, I lived in the same house, slept in the same bed, had a lot riding on the success of our romantic connection - but somehow, she wasn't able to make it happen.
There's not a lot to go on in your post. In absence of detail, I think it's a good exercise to consider what pre-requisites your partner feels she needs for sex (with you) to happen. In my own case, I eventually came to realize that she did not see me as a viable sexual partner (for her own reasons) - to realize that it wasn't happening because she didn't WANT it to happen. For some reason, this was nearly impossible for me to grasp when I was married to her.
Once I came to accept this, the rest of my trajectory sorted itself out quickly.
Is she a trauma survivor or have a chronic illness? Is she mentally ill? In therapy for abuse in her childhood? Any of these and more could affect intimacy. We don't have a lot to go on except your physical need, which is valid. But fill in the blanks and we can be more helpful than telling you to pull a Ted from There's Something About Mary.
Have not had intercorae in two years. Wife says sje is working towards making it happen. Not sure how I will react or respond if the day ever comes. I want it but not really sure since it has been so long.
There are two ways to go here:
1.). You love your spouse and want to work it out. If you are here, insist on seeing a good counselor or sex therapist and coming up with a definitive plan and a goal to fix it right away. Your spouse will never fix it on their own and this will go on for years more if it’s already gone on for two years. Honestly, If she really wanted to have sex with you, she would have already done it.
2.). You don’t see fixing your intimacy and sexual relations with your spouse. If this is the case, begin looking at your options and start planning your out.
Full disclosure, I stayed in a sexless marriage for a decade and watched my wife prioritize our kids and later church over our marriage, yet it was always “my fault”. She regularly criticized and was constantly negative even after 4 years of marital counseling. Late February marked four years since I’d even seen my wife naked, much less gotten a passionate kiss or had sex with her. I realized I wasn’t the issue and couldn’t do it anymore. Life is short and we all deserve to be happy. In mid February I filed for divorce and it’s a huge weight off. Talk about an emotional relief!!!!! I can’t wait to get my own place and start making myself happy rather than letting her drag me down. I’ve joined a gym, done some counseling sessions and even have a potential new love interest that is willing to wait until I am physically and emotionally available for her. Things are looking up on all fronts. Sure it will cost me financially, but why stay in a marriage that causes stress and unhappiness? Kids will understand that it just wasn’t working and will want their mom and dad to be happy, even if it ultimately isn’t together.
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jim44444: Happy Vernal Equinox. Go out and frolic.
Mar 20, 2021 19:16:35 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Vernal Equinox....Be fruitful and multiply...
Mar 21, 2021 5:18:36 GMT -5
petrushka: Just attended a lecture on local history. Apparently the Presbyterian Scottish refugees who settled here called a 'frolic', what the Amish would call a 'barn raising'. First a working bee, then dancing and feasting.
Mar 25, 2021 22:43:53 GMT -5
jerri: Pressing the like sign for all those comments.
Mar 26, 2021 15:04:52 GMT -5
worksforme2: Lucked onto a great new source for breaking news----The Babylon Bee
Mar 28, 2021 12:47:45 GMT -5
catlover: The resentment is running high today
Mar 28, 2021 18:39:08 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Sorry, dude. I think resentment has been the fuel for action in some SMs. It can be part of a process, eventually helpful.
Mar 30, 2021 4:43:40 GMT -5
Handy: I just read "The Babylon Bee" article "Blockage Cleared, Ships Moving At Record Speed As Chick-Fil-A Workers Put In Charge Of Suez Canal." Good humor.
Mar 30, 2021 16:49:51 GMT -5
worksforme2: Freezing temps in the morning for the next 3 days= no peaches in the fall for me unless I buy them,... 2 yrs in a row...growing my own fruit has proven to be a losing proposition
Apr 1, 2021 16:32:30 GMT -5
Handy: Meet the Feebles=weird!
Apr 1, 2021 18:22:06 GMT -5
jerri: Lots of interesting comments. I am way behind. Sending hugs and a kiss on the cheek💋
Apr 8, 2021 0:11:19 GMT -5
roy: Hi All, I just joined, at 77. I've been in a sexless marriage for too many years ...
Apr 9, 2021 15:26:32 GMT -5
petrushka: G'day Roy, welcome to the place most of us don't want to be. I am sure you will find lots of interesting personal stories and comments and reactions on the forum. Don't be shy about jumping in to talks ...
Apr 9, 2021 15:47:25 GMT -5