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Post by jerri on Feb 3, 2021 14:54:49 GMT -5
When my H was threatening divorce, I asked him if he would likely have sex in his next R. He told me he would have to at first. Thank you for the public service you've done for women everywhere keeping your husband off the dating market. That's some messed up shit. Deliberate bait and switch. I figured it might be happening. Good to have confirmation from the horse's mouth. Thanks to him, too, for accepting your polyandry. He won't damage two women's lives / self-esteem now that he's sharing a wife. My husband can be honest, but shocking! Both ladies that broke up with him paraded their new lovers at different times, intentionally. Both had good things to say about him when I asked why they had broken up. Who would want to admit to a sexless M. If we broke up, I would have a friend tell his new lover what to expect. People just don't deserve this as a lifestyle. |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Dec 21, 2022 10:32:25 GMT -5
I can't see where you are "worse off" than you were a year ago. Nope. Not worse off. Better off actually bc at least i have hope that this arrangement will yield fruit after all. Just sour grapes that my refuser is somehow enjoying the sex life with another that she couldn't possibly bring herself to enjoy with me. In my opinion she doesn't deserve it but all is fair in love and war. Who knows that better than us? I think perhaps, having lived a SM for 21 years now, that the hopelessness of our situation simply stems from the fact our refusers don't love us anymore. Could it just be as simple as that? I am thinking that your a bit presumptuous about your wife's sex life... I know I should finish reading the thread before posting but she actually might just be getting her emotional needs met... and the other guy created a new ILIASM for himself, lol. This being said I like Baza advice to you, just because she got the first opportunity doesn't mean you won't get yours. If you want an opportunity create one! It's not a competition and if you think it is one maybe a counselor is what you need. |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Dec 21, 2022 10:41:53 GMT -5
So open marriage wuth a partner or with out one, or a closed celibate marriage - it doesn't matter. You still are faced with a dysfunctional relationship in your home, in which your partner is so averse to you, she'd rather risk the marriage and everything associated with it than sleep with you. WOW, JUST WOW! I think this needs to come up in discussions more often. It rings a little to close to home. |
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 21, 2022 11:58:26 GMT -5
I think it's likely he just threw out a decade to try to keep you from thinking he'd recently had sex with another woman.
Also, while the escort claimed to be 23, she probably is lying about her age by saying she's younger than she is. Men looking for escorts tend to want them to be on the young side, of legal age, but still young.
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Post by Apocrypha on Dec 22, 2022 12:31:32 GMT -5
You still are faced with a dysfunctional relationship in your home, in which your partner is so averse to you, she'd rather risk the marriage and everything associated with it than sleep with you. It was a thundercrack realization in my own situation. Other people, baza too, tried to tell me but it's hard to break through when perception is anchored in a different reality. In management consulting, one of the secret magic powers in approaching complex problems is to ensure that you are asking the right question, and illuminating and testing your baked in assumptions. In my own situation and many similar ones here, the problem is framed (at first) as "I need and deserve sex in my life". I thought this and so it was conceivable for me to believe that if I opened my relationship, I wouldn't lose anything with my wife given that I didn't presently have a sexual relationship with her, and post-separation, I'd conceivably be meeting her lovers at my kids' bday parties and bio-family moments. I thought I could then have sex eventually, or at least have a chance - likely not with my wife. A lot of people frame the "sex problem" this way, as a lack of sex - like you can just reach for it like the next breakfast cereal on the shelf when your preferred one is out of stock. But, the more accurate framing of the issue isn't that "I don't have sex in my life" but rather "my wife won't have sex with me". "Sex with my wife" is a different thing than "sex in my life". The fact that my wife won't have sex with me even though it would seemingly be easy and the refusual to do so may end the married relationship after a prolonged and tortuous run, TELLS me something about how she feels about me and about how she feels about being married to me. Note: I'm not even saying that how she feels about me is wrong, unfair, misguided, based on misperceptions or misunderstandings. I used to think it mattered and that if you solved THAT problem, the problem would *poof* disappear. - it doesn't. It's how she felt. At the end of the day, that feeling (irrespective of the sex) is the open wound at home. The absence of sex is simply one of many downstream proofs of it. You can get sex elsewhere. So can he/she, but it doesn't solve the actual problem of the dysfunctional relationship at home. In my open relationship years in a metropolitan city, I saw all kinds of examples. There were open couples, kinky couples, curious couples and all kinds of blends. They all had the same cards as anyone else - there were dysfunctional ones and ones who seemed into each other - who were "doing it together" even when they were doing it with others. In terms of my participation as a guest in others' relationships or in some unusual kinks with other singles when I was single - I learned to sift those for whom this genuinely filled their bucket , vs those who were enduring this as a cost for something else. |
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