|
Post by baza on Nov 28, 2020 20:31:25 GMT -5
A post by Sister gladifoundthisforum prompts me to open this thread. In that particular thread the refusive spouse is thought to have an issue of an undiagnosed nature. The thing is, that issues (whether known or unknown) in a refusive spouse are far from uncommon in this group. It is an invidious position for the refused spouse to be in, as your options are pretty limited in so far as what you can do about it. You CAN - - be of support to whatever effort your spouse is making to get a handle on their issue. - be a source of support through whatever treatment your spouse is undertaking concerning their issue. - be supportive of your spouses ongoing management of their issue. But you can NOT - - do your spouses work for them. - fix the issue for them. In the final analysis you can only choose to remain in the situation - and that's a perfectly valid choice to make - or to vacate the situation - another perfectly valid choice. Of course in many stories in here, the refusive spouse hasn't even gotten up to the line of acknowledging they have an issue, let alone making any attempt to identify it, or treat it or manage it. And under those circumstances, there is no effort present that you can support, which limits the already sparse options for you.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Nov 28, 2020 22:12:00 GMT -5
A long time ago a wise woman on another forum had a very wise saying. it was "don't be the cushion to break your spouses fall" it related to not supporting your spouses bad decisions where you were the one to suffer the consequences.
This is similar to saying if your partner makes bad decisions or no decisions, don't clean up their mess.
Baza is saying you can't make up for your partners issues. I am saying don't clean the mess up your partners makes.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Nov 28, 2020 23:00:37 GMT -5
I think it is wonderful to be supportive, but there is a huge Huge HUGE difference between being supportive and being enabling. One of the great lines I've seen on this forum is, "stop watering dead plants."
|
|