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Post by workingonit on Dec 7, 2020 12:10:27 GMT -5
Welcome mattyb . Your story is not unusual here, obviously. Good advice to check out your situation with a lawyer. The inertia of kids and house and pets and money keeps many of us trapped for years past the 'breaking point.' As one of those I encourage you to start movement now when you are fired up!
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mattyb
New Member
Posts: 8
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by mattyb on Dec 7, 2020 13:04:28 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I would like to thank all the folks that have posted replies/comments/advice here, again another cliche but this forum has in a way validated where I am and what I need to do to move forward. It was the straight forward advice from @tooyoungtobeold2 that made me sit up, yes I am still asking the 'whys' and that is a waste of time and now moving to the 'resentment' stage, I know, not healthy. Thanks again everyone.
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 7, 2020 18:19:06 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I would like to thank all the folks that have posted replies/comments/advice here, again another cliche but this forum has in a way validated where I am and what I need to do to move forward. It was the straight forward advice from @tooyoungtobeold2 that made me sit up, yes I am still asking the 'whys' and that is a waste of time and now moving to the 'resentment' stage, I know, not healthy. Thanks again everyone. I'd like to recommend taking action quickly. After my wife and I had "The Talk", nothing changed and a few months later, I started planning to date. The resentment towards my wife disappeared. It was liberating and it made me a much better husband. Outsourcing isn't for everyone and if you cannot see yourself having an extramarital partner, either secret or out in the open, then planning a well orchestrated, amicable divorce may provide the same relief from the sense of helplessness. When your future is up to you, and not your refuser, it's night and day. It took me over a year to start dating but I didn't mind. I was reaching a goal. Progress fed my soul.
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mattyb
New Member
Posts: 8
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by mattyb on Jan 12, 2021 12:46:42 GMT -5
Its been awhile since I posted anything here, no one may end up reading this but hey. Nothing has really changed, in December I had to have some rather urgent surgery so that provides a 'distraction'. All good now and everything is getting back to 'normal' - whatever that may be. I guess I had one of those nights, lay awake thinking 'I feel like the loneliest person in the world'.
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Post by Handy on Jan 12, 2021 13:00:19 GMT -5
Mattyb 'I feel like the loneliest person in the world'.
Not that it helps you but that is common here on the forum.
I am happy to hear your medical recovery is going well.
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Post by alwaysdenied on Jan 12, 2021 13:09:23 GMT -5
Reading, and you aren't alone. We all have our lonely road to walk, but at least there are people here that understand the underlying problems we all have. Things that are taboo to say anywhere else. No, you aren't crazy. Find yourself in all this and work towards fixing yourself to be the best person YOU want to be. That may include dragging your spouse behind you like a huge cinderblock, or it may include a great lawyer in your future. It's all different for each of us. But regardless of which path you choose, you will still have yourself to deal with. The good part about that you can always find the time in your mind to come to terms with what needs changing. I've chosen to stay for another 4 years minimum (3.5 now) until my last son has graduated. The most encouraging thing I can do is work on bettering myself to be ready when that time comes and it also makes me a better husband and father during this short time so I can live with myself also. Things I'm working on include:
Losing weight and getting in shape: Discipline in your life is essential. Getting my finances in order: Not necessarily hiding money but looking at ways to do more cash work AND lining up things needed for this. IRS and courts are not your friend. Getting in tune spiritually: I don't mean just religion, but working to get your mind in harmony with your own expectations Gameplanning the rest: Daydreaming to try and fix problems before they are even real.
I've noticed just having a plan and looking inward has helped me a great deal. I don't derive any of my worth from how my wife treats me or whatever whim or emotion she has. I wish I could say I was always this way or that I've reached the pinnacle of this plan, I haven't. But it continues to be a work in progress.
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muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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My Story
Jan 12, 2021 23:41:26 GMT -5
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Post by muzack on Jan 12, 2021 23:41:26 GMT -5
I guess I had one of those nights, lay awake thinking 'I feel like the loneliest person in the world'. You're far from the only lonely person laying awake thinking.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2021 12:24:35 GMT -5
This is where the "stay, leave, cheat" management comes in. I could NOT sleep in the same bed anymore as of a few years ago and now live in a house with separate master bedrooms. We get along, enjoy doing some things together, etc. but sex has just been completely removed from the equation.
All options are valid for you. Speaking for me, separate bedrooms meant no more laying awake thinking. I'm now post-sex.
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Post by gladifoundthisforum on Jan 15, 2021 15:27:01 GMT -5
Hello mattyb, sending you sincere sympathies and a hug xxx, if you feel like you're the loneliest person in the world, somewhat paradoxically, you have lots of company!
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