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Post by csl on Dec 4, 2020 12:30:17 GMT -5
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Post by Handy on Dec 4, 2020 16:38:05 GMT -5
40 beads (Available NOW at Amazon.com), just more stuff to buy that might or might not to work.
1 Do you love your husband?
2 Do you want to stay married to him?
3 Do you have this sneaking suspicion that your relationship has the potential to be better than it is?
4 Do you ever experience any confusion, anger or stress associated with sex in your marriage?
5 Are you interested in making your relationship the best (happiest, most easeful, most fun) it can be?
6 Are you willing to incorporate changes in order to develop a better relationship?
7 Are you interested in making sex in your marriage something that you want to do instead of something you feel like you should do?
8 Do you find value in feeling emotionally connected to your husband?
1,2,3,5,6,7,8=no 4=yes
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Post by padgemi on Dec 4, 2020 20:03:38 GMT -5
40 beads (Available NOW at Amazon.com), just more stuff to buy that might or might not to work.
1 Do you love your husband?
2 Do you want to stay married to him?
3 Do you have this sneaking suspicion that your relationship has the potential to be better than it is?
4 Do you ever experience any confusion, anger or stress associated with sex in your marriage?
5 Are you interested in making your relationship the best (happiest, most easeful, most fun) it can be?
6 Are you willing to incorporate changes in order to develop a better relationship?
7 Are you interested in making sex in your marriage something that you want to do instead of something you feel like you should do?
8 Do you find value in feeling emotionally connected to your husband?
1,2,3,5,6,7,8=no 4=yes
# 6. That’s where it always breaks down, ain’t it? That’s why we’re all here. Ain’t it? |
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Post by Handy on Dec 4, 2020 23:38:15 GMT -5
Padgemi, I was answering for me, not my W. For me it is a case of too little too late and I realize people don't change so why hope. I am the counter refuser even if my W wanted to to try something like "40 Beads."
Do I sound grumpy? It is OK if I do. I am doing things for me and not anyone else.
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Post by jerri on Dec 5, 2020 1:25:01 GMT -5
40 beads (Available NOW at Amazon.com), just more stuff to buy that might or might not to work.
1 Do you love your husband?
2 Do you want to stay married to him?
3 Do you have this sneaking suspicion that your relationship has the potential to be better than it is?
4 Do you ever experience any confusion, anger or stress associated with sex in your marriage?
5 Are you interested in making your relationship the best (happiest, most easeful, most fun) it can be?
6 Are you willing to incorporate changes in order to develop a better relationship?
7 Are you interested in making sex in your marriage something that you want to do instead of something you feel like you should do?
8 Do you find value in feeling emotionally connected to your husband?
1,2,3,5,6,7,8=no 4=yes
Yikes, Handy |
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Post by Handy on Dec 5, 2020 2:25:27 GMT -5
Jerri, maybe I am just an old grouch.
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Post by gladifoundthisforum on Dec 14, 2020 17:01:30 GMT -5
Hello Folks, Well, it seems I am in a 're-set' ! How long this lasts is anybody's guess.... But I found myself in a slightly embarrassing situation on our first attempt at actually having sex: All this aggro about his problems, his fear of failing, his inability to save anything for real life, his worry about getting it up, an-orgasmia etc etc........ turned out *I* could barely manage it  Some female readers (of a certain age) may understand : My husband is fairly well-endowed. I've never had any children. I'm past the menopause. I haven't had sex for years......... result of that lot was bleedin' agony!  Oh dear. Emergency lube shopping.......  |
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Post by padgemi on Dec 14, 2020 20:10:40 GMT -5
Hello Folks, Well, it seems I am in a 're-set' ! How long this lasts is anybody's guess.... But I found myself in a slightly embarrassing situation on our first attempt at actually having sex: All this aggro about his problems, his fear of failing, his inability to save anything for real life, his worry about getting it up, an-orgasmia etc etc........ turned out *I* could barely manage it Some female readers (of a certain age) may understand : My husband is fairly well-endowed. I've never had any children. I'm past the menopause. I haven't had sex for years......... result of that lot was bleedin' agony! Oh dear. Emergency lube shopping....... May need more than lube. After parking here awhile you'll begin to notice that when a perfectly good libido never gets taken out on the highway it tends to get gummed up and broken down. I've heard tell of a few that got tuned up an' runnin' again, but not by the same ol' lazy driver. Oh, sorry. I thought this was Church of wewbwb :-) |
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Post by jerri on Dec 15, 2020 1:02:19 GMT -5
Jerri, maybe I am just an old grouch. Not at all! And if we tend to be grouchy who can blame us! I enjoy your company! 💙 |
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Post by jerri on Dec 15, 2020 1:09:21 GMT -5
Hello Folks, Well, it seems I am in a 're-set' ! How long this lasts is anybody's guess.... But I found myself in a slightly embarrassing situation on our first attempt at actually having sex: All this aggro about his problems, his fear of failing, his inability to save anything for real life, his worry about getting it up, an-orgasmia etc etc........ turned out *I* could barely manage it Some female readers (of a certain age) may understand : My husband is fairly well-endowed. I've never had any children. I'm past the menopause. I haven't had sex for years......... result of that lot was bleedin' agony! Oh dear. Emergency lube shopping....... It happens. Just ask him to slow down, way down and watch the entrance. That's what I do and I also tell him not to go deep for 20 minutes. No amount of lube helps. How did you get reset? |
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Post by jerri on Dec 15, 2020 1:12:06 GMT -5
Hello Folks, Well, it seems I am in a 're-set' ! How long this lasts is anybody's guess.... But I found myself in a slightly embarrassing situation on our first attempt at actually having sex: All this aggro about his problems, his fear of failing, his inability to save anything for real life, his worry about getting it up, an-orgasmia etc etc........ turned out *I* could barely manage it Some female readers (of a certain age) may understand : My husband is fairly well-endowed. I've never had any children. I'm past the menopause. I haven't had sex for years......... result of that lot was bleedin' agony! Oh dear. Emergency lube shopping....... May need more than lube. After parking here awhile you'll begin to notice that when a perfectly good libido never gets taken out on the highway it tends to get gummed up and broken down. I've heard tell of a few that got tuned up an' runnin' again, but not by the same ol' lazy driver. Oh, sorry. I thought this was Church of wewbwb :-) Please explain??😎 |
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Post by padgemi on Dec 15, 2020 1:24:09 GMT -5
“church of wewbwb” is a thread on “lighter side” where profound life lessons are explained using jokes about cars and mechanics. 😁
...I know it’s been recently discussed here by at least 3 or 4 members. A long term refused who’s suffered the trauma of prolonged neglect and has had only themself to take care of business for so long may struggle with finishing. Experienced this m’self. 😔
But at least 1-body else so described was able to work through this over time with an enthused partner in their bed.
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Post by gladifoundthisforum on Dec 15, 2020 5:57:41 GMT -5
Hello Folks, Well, it seems I am in a 're-set' ! How long this lasts is anybody's guess.... But I found myself in a slightly embarrassing situation on our first attempt at actually having sex: All this aggro about his problems, his fear of failing, his inability to save anything for real life, his worry about getting it up, an-orgasmia etc etc........ turned out *I* could barely manage it Some female readers (of a certain age) may understand : My husband is fairly well-endowed. I've never had any children. I'm past the menopause. I haven't had sex for years......... result of that lot was bleedin' agony! Oh dear. Emergency lube shopping....... It happens. Just ask him to slow down, way down and watch the entrance. That's what I do and I also tell him not to go deep for 20 minutes. No amount of lube helps. How did you get reset? Well he *has* taken certain steps to help him try and start to get over the addiction problem. He took a whole huge pile of porn stash, that he's been hiding and looking at for many years (since well before we met), and took it around to an old mate of his in his home town and left it there. No idea if dumping this stuff on the chap is a good idea or not : this bloke is single, brain-damaged after illness many years ago, unemployed [and basically unemployable] with no internet and no money..... apparently he was thrilled to get it all!. Oh well, he'll get his fun and it can't hurt any non-existant relationships. Whether that was all of H's stuff I've no idea, but I'm happy that he's making an effort. I think this is more of a 'symbolic' shedding of stash, because obviously the internet can't be 'given away' and will be available for ever - like a off-licence around the corner from where an alcoholic lives. The reset appears to have happened after some very deep and truthful (I hope) conversations about everything- I may have scared him with my sheer anger, and he *might* think I'm on my way outahere, which he does not appear to want. I have spent a long time delving deeply into my feelings over the last 2 or 3 weeks ; hopefully I'm getting somewhere near the bottom now. The lowest levels of emotion within me have turned up a few suprises : the most recent shocker is that I'm jealous. Not jealous of the new girlfriend, or that he's even got one , I'm jealous that he can now manage a sex life at home *and* go out and have fun somewhere else and I'm not. I may bring in the 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander' defence , in the future |
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 15, 2020 6:10:13 GMT -5
My husband is fairly well-endowed. I've never had any children. I'm past the menopause. I haven't had sex for years......... result of that lot was bleedin' agony! Oh dear. Emergency lube shopping....... It happens. Just ask him to slow down, way down and watch the entrance. That's what I do and I also tell him not to go deep for 20 minutes. No amount of lube helps. How did you get reset? Our reset is like this. Some notes (for others, if all this is old hat to you):
- I could not do an adequate job. My wife had to apply lube to avoid pain. I cannot get enough applied deep enough. - Some lubes may be better than others. We work with "Liquid Silk" but it's all we've ever used, so others may have far better recommendations. KY Jelly is ubiquitous, but maybe not good enough? Holler, ladies! - What Jerri said. As the Mrs. can only get so far up, it gets dryer the deeper you go. Your body's arousal from shallow penetration might (we hope) promote your body to slick up the deeper tissues you cannot reach. - Deeper penetration grew possible with subsequent attempts, but be aware of an unfortunate instinct for men to finish off with a little "enthusiasm." That extra centimeter of distance can cause a nasty shock. Fighting this instinct can be frustrating. Be on guard for this as hurting your lady love is a disincentive to sex. - Much to my unhappiness, I cannot reach bliss without a certain minimum depth. This depth started out as being excessive and causing pain. My wife was game to keep trying and it stopped being an issue, but using so little makes our lovemaking a shadow of what it once was. Reaching the anterior fornix/G-spot is a pipe dream so the sex may not be the heights of fantastic from our youth for a while if you're capable of vaginal orgasms. - Applying additional lube halfway through may be useful, though my wife has not been willing to try this. (ruins the moment?) - I found a lubricant applicator that works a bit like a syringe. In theory it applies lube as it goes in and can get some far enough in that any penetrating body may push lube further in as it goes. (My wife did not try this applicator. I know not why.) This link www.yesyesyes.org/moisturiser-lubricant-applicators/ was not what we bought, but the principle is the same. - For a few good months, when sex was weekly, we were able to get deeper penetration. Frequency seemed to improve things. - You should be pulling him in deeper, slowly. My wife taking more of me stops me from worrying about hurting her and is flattering; an understated "More, baby." - My wife is overweight and worries about hurting me so we don't do this, but female superior position may allow you better control of the depth and speed of penetration so you can get reacquainted with your body. |
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Post by gladifoundthisforum on Dec 15, 2020 9:25:28 GMT -5
Thanks for your advice mirrororchid: you're not afraid to get down to the physical basics with nervous English types  And I have taken isthisit's advice (on the welcome thread) about getting a Dr's appointment - so hopefully, whilst reset lasts, I'll be able to enjoy myself  |
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