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Post by hopingforachange on Nov 23, 2020 5:52:43 GMT -5
Women can have sex without being totally turned on. That's a fact. Now I'm not saying that's the BEST way to do or have sex, but all you have to do if you are a woman is be compliant. Men have to be turned on to have sex. Don't they? Women can fake it. Even with additional lube, it could be a very painful experience.
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 23, 2020 13:29:53 GMT -5
Handy, ranting about politics during intercourse? Call me Captain Obvious, but I don’t think she was remotely ‘in the moment’.
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Post by Handy on Nov 23, 2020 13:44:44 GMT -5
DryCreek, I often felt "dumped on" during sex. It sometimes became a place for my "W to unload her frustrations on me while I was paying attention to her physically and mentally. I was trying her to get into syhc with the emotional connection and she wanted to unload her frustrations.
I even tried to have sex with her when her favorite TV shopping channel had their "special of the day" on at midnight eastern time, 10PM local time. At the time she was adamant about having her own bedroom and I was at least trying to maintain some emotional contact with her. I had the TV in my room and she only had a radio in her room. I thought .................. well I was wrong. I tried it twice and decided it wasn't worth it.
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Post by saarinista on Nov 23, 2020 16:56:42 GMT -5
Handy IMHO there is such a thing as trying too hard to make a marriage work. Sex with a shopping channel in the background qualifies, I think. 😔
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Post by Handy on Nov 23, 2020 22:37:15 GMT -5
Saarinista Handy IMHO there is such a thing as trying too hard to make a marriage work.
Saarinista, you are correct. I figured that out but it took 10 years. I just consider myself a slow learner.
Like a lot of other people on forums similar to ILIASM, people try to improve things, sometimes at great costs or efforts. Some people like me think reading a book will change things so we keep trying.
I didn't post the TV shopping thing to complain or get sympathy, but to give new people examples of things that didn't work so maybe they don't waste their time like I did.
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Post by mantiki on Nov 25, 2020 6:33:51 GMT -5
I feel that I am reading my own story by my younger self.
I’m sorry to offer no solution. I’ve been in the same situation and it actually became worse when I reached my 50s when my wife changed from indifference to anger and insult. I made up my mind to leave once our sons left school. Eventually in my 60s through a work crisis my wife became full blown psychotic and suicidal. In some respects this improved our overall situation as her moods stabilised with medication and she became more companionable again.
We are now very close and she enjoys cuddles etc. But the bad news is the meds have obliterated her sex drive to the extent that I’ve even given up on the 2 or 3 times a year. Like yourself, duty sex has no appeal.
The positive if you can call it that is that while I still enjoy masturbating to porn, my own libido has reduced now that I am in my late 60s. I still keep fit and am attracted by other women and I think I could easily find someone else but no longer feel the anger and need to act.
it’s quite sad but more bearable..
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 25, 2020 6:56:29 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum mantiki..If you have been lurking for any time at all you already know the breath of stories and circumstances to be found here hopefully there is something that is helpful for you. Your situation is somewhat unique as the sexlessness was brought about by illness. But in it's wake you have found some positive aspects and it seems your current state of being isn't untenable. It's good that you have been able to put the anger behind you and that your wife is on the right dosage of medication for her condition. Loss of libido is often the case when these types of medications are involved. Like you now that I am in my early 70's my desire has dropped considerably so 1 good thing about growing old.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Nov 26, 2020 1:35:10 GMT -5
My wife too would try to talk about work, family, anything really to keep her mind off of sex. She is messed up psychologically about it. By the end she refused to kiss me more than a peck on the cheek and would only touch my cock if she was facing away from me twisting her arm behind her back. She refuses to get help so I stopped trying them finally ended any prospects of sex with her.
Separate beds and rooms works best for us. She was very self involved when it came to simple things like flipping the light on or banging doors if I was still sleeping. I left the bedroom partly to get a decent night's sleep.
I used to work a late shift and would go days without seeing her. That was so much more peaceful. Now she's working from home for good. 🙁
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