Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2021 16:31:37 GMT -5
I completely understand. I'm not near in the camp as many here are because I may get some every other month or so. But I've gotten to the point where I don't even push it anymore. She's going through the big change and now it's even worse. The problem is she talks about the past like she was some sex machine. She wasn't. In fact, outside of lube, there isn't any real difference. When I do get 'lucky' I'm expected to magically get hard and be gentle and somehow get her to enjoy it without any touching or especially no oral given to her. Her rules have made it beyond a chore that I don't even enjoy outside of the task of orgasm. I'm not fooled into thinking she likes me or is attracted. She's comfortable with me and that's it.
I used to get fiery mad at being denied. But now I am more than happy to let her go to sleep so that I have the whole house to myself (once the kids go to bed). There's not a damn thing I can do to make her attracted or enjoy me. So I've decided to just work on myself. I've lost all my lazy fat and down to my high school weight. Just counting the years till the kids graduate and I have more options. Don't be upset, learn to not expect it or even care. It's a bitter pill, but it does work once you come to terms with it and make a long term plan. With a little discipline in your life, you can do anything in the now. Start building for life outside the escape pod if you feel trapped currently. Keep it secret and work on you. Focus inward. Enjoy the few times she may have some sort of feeling for you in her cold bitter heart, but realize it's as fleeting as a fart and not the norm.
And understand you are not alone. She will gaslight you into believing you are the problem, etc. You aren't. It's perfectly natural to be triggered over vows you made being truthful while she had her fingers crossed. Every time you feel like that, go work on your escape pod in secrecy. And don't be fooled unless somehow things change which you probably have a better chance of winning the next powerball without playing.
Ah, the big change. The final answer to the question you've been asking all these years. I was in the every other month or two club and then.....menopause. Done. |
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Feb 1, 2021 18:17:56 GMT -5
Listen, if a post menopausal wife wants to have sex, she will find a way (hormone topical cream, lube or just sucking up a bit of discomfort) to make things work.
If she doesn't care, she will use menopause as an excuse.
As a post-menopausal refused woman, that is my take. My parts might not work quite as well as they used to, but they're not broken. Desire/resolve plus a little patience will smooth over many shortcomings.
Sure, there are doubtless some people with serious genital issues that can't be fixed easily or at all, but even then, there is oral, fantasy, a lot of stuff a person can employ if they wish to be sexual. If they DON'T desire that they will use age as an excuse.
|
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on Feb 2, 2021 11:47:15 GMT -5
Listen, if a post menopausal wife wants to have sex, she will find a way (hormone topical cream, lube or just sucking up a bit of discomfort) to make things work. If she doesn't care, she will use menopause as an excuse. As a post-menopausal refused woman, that is my take. My parts might not work quite as well as they used to, but they're not broken. Desire/resolve plus a little patience will smooth over many shortcomings. Sure, there are doubtless some people with serious genital issues that can't be fixed easily or at all, but even then, there is oral, fantasy, a lot of stuff a person can employ if they wish to be sexual. If they DON'T desire that they will use age as an excuse. A common excuse irrespective of gender. How often have we seen posts where the man says "I am over 50, it doesn't work"? If someone wants to be intimate/sexual they will move mountains to do so. If someone does not want to be intimate/sexual they will build strong walls to repel us. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2021 17:49:08 GMT -5
Listen, if a post menopausal wife wants to have sex, she will find a way (hormone topical cream, lube or just sucking up a bit of discomfort) to make things work. If she doesn't care, she will use menopause as an excuse. As a post-menopausal refused woman, that is my take. My parts might not work quite as well as they used to, but they're not broken. Desire/resolve plus a little patience will smooth over many shortcomings. Sure, there are doubtless some people with serious genital issues that can't be fixed easily or at all, but even then, there is oral, fantasy, a lot of stuff a person can employ if they wish to be sexual. If they DON'T desire that they will use age as an excuse. That's my point exactly! If my refuser W wasn't a refuser she would have looked into something but she did nothing, zero, zilch because she wanted the final excuse. We discussed it briefly a few years ago and I got the usual, "Ugh, all you think about is sex." which is hilarious for a conversation that happened three times in 20 years. Now we have separate bedrooms and haven't had sex of any kind for almost a year and a half. |
|
