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Post by warmways on Oct 20, 2021 23:56:02 GMT -5
Congratulations on weathering the divorce process and going through the grief, anger of the affair and coming through to a feeling of peace. I think everyone is different. My divorce was final in February 2019 and it took me 1 1/2 years before I felt like I could be open and trust again. I was married to a covert narcissist and it really messed with my head. Had to let the dust settle and heal. I actually mostly liked being single during that time but I’m dating now and it’s so much fun. I feel ready now Listen to yourself and follow what feels right for you. It it could be helpful to give a little space to kind of come to terms with a whole new situational …we all have different circumstances / are ready at different times. I reached a point where I couldn’t be single anymore but you have to find what works for you.
My therapist said to wait two years. I’m not sure if she meant in my particular case because that seems kind of long. It helped me to deal with the aftermath of my train wreck of a marriage, sort my s@#: out and get back out there feeling better. Good for you for coming so far. I’m incredibly happy I moved away from such a toxic environment and you’ve got happier days ahead as well.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 21, 2021 4:56:00 GMT -5
A key reason to be waiting, from the podcasts I listen to, is that jumping right back in produces a tendency to pair up with someone very similar to your previous partner.
Familiarity is typically attractive. Feeling as though you know someone provides closeness. Fewer questions need to be answered. Habits are easy to anticipate and accommodate. When we first meet our spouse's, they were attractive to us, or, we would not have married them. Future lovers can have some of teh same problems, be it narcissism, grudge-holding, anger, possessiveness, prone to criticism or belittling, and even, I hear, frigidity.
Maybe two years is the critical interval suggested because that's how long people can fake a personality and suppress their worst side?
As I started dating and anticipated my wife leaving me (she said she would) I was wary of my co-dependent, hero habit of being everything a partner needs. It has led to my marriage's co-dependency. If I were to date and my lover applied pressure to trade jewelry, how long could I stand to disappoint them?
My fear of giving in unwisely may be what makes other men run for the hills at the first mention of marriage. They're smarter than I am. I think it'd be like chewing my leg off from a beartrap to tell a woman I loved, "No, I don't love you that much and you need to go back to square one with someone you'll like less than me. (I got a touch of narcissism, myself.) I'm an easy mark.
The reason to wait before anything serious (and serious romance is all some of us are really interested in) is to understand what went wrong, what is your kryptonite, how can you protect yourself from your own vulnerabilities, and how can you date in a manner that is beneficial to those you meet, and yourself?
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 27, 2022 18:33:22 GMT -5
I was 100% sure from the outset when I decided I was ready to look. I will find her physically attractive, I will be entertained by her and her by me, it won’t be forced or awkward, she will be as genuine and kind to me as I am her and finally…..I WON’T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ACCEPT THAT SEX IS SOMETHING I DO LESS OFTEN THEN PAYING MY MORTGAGE. The beauty of the post SM life is that you have the luxury of choice and the experience to know what you will and won’t be willing to accept. I decided from the early stages, I will not invest myself until I have been reassured that I won’t be back on here posting about my poor choice.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 27, 2022 19:26:50 GMT -5
I was 100% sure from the outset when I decided I was ready to look. I will find her physically attractive, I will be entertained by her and her by me, it won’t be forced or awkward, she will be as genuine and kind to me as I am her and finally…..I WON’T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ACCEPT THAT SEX IS SOMETHING I DO LESS OFTEN THEN PAYING MY MORTGAGE. The beauty of the post SM life is that you have the luxury of choice and the experience to know what you will and won’t be willing to accept. I decided from the early stages, I will not invest myself until I have been reassured that I won’t be back on here posting about my poor choice. That's GREAT news my friend!! Here's to new beginnings! Personally I am struggling with wondering if I am on the rebound and need more time to be able to feel at peace home alone again. This after coming home to my woman daily for 3 yrs, and waking up to her naked body next to me every day. Here are some "dating world questions" for you to think about: What type of relationship are you looking for? Her to move in with you? You to move in with her? Live in separate homes and visit during the week? Share a home, one week on ,one week off? A long distance relationship where you both travel? A FWB? How much friend, and how much benefits? Will one outdo the other? (it happens quit frequently) Sex only just a hook up? Multiple partners? Allowed to date others? Or even have friends of the opposite sex? Are kids at home? Are they occasionally at home? Are they moved out of the nest? Whose $$$ for things? Shared costs? Which costs? Have a job? No time for dating? Lots of pets? No pets?Loves to travel? Wants to stay home? wants dinner, dancing, movies,concerts, bars, sports,drinking,hanging with friends, every night? (expects you to pay for it) Ready to discuss your ex? And your part in why it went wrong? And to listen to their story, and look for red flags? etc.....lots of preview questions from dating sites and meeting people to date, not just sex. If you could no longer have sex would you still want to be with this person? Would they want to be with you? How would you,and they, handle it? Welcome to opposite land!
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 27, 2022 19:45:17 GMT -5
I was 100% sure from the outset when I decided I was ready to look. I will find her physically attractive, I will be entertained by her and her by me, it won’t be forced or awkward, she will be as genuine and kind to me as I am her and finally…..I WON’T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ACCEPT THAT SEX IS SOMETHING I DO LESS OFTEN THEN PAYING MY MORTGAGE. The beauty of the post SM life is that you have the luxury of choice and the experience to know what you will and won’t be willing to accept. I decided from the early stages, I will not invest myself until I have been reassured that I won’t be back on here posting about my poor choice. That's GREAT news my friend!! Here's to new beginnings! Personally I am struggling with wondering if I am on the rebound and need more time to be able to feel at peace home alone again. This after coming home to my woman daily for 3 yrs, and waking up to her naked body next to me every day. Here are some "dating world questions" for you to think about: What type of relationship are you looking for? Her to move in with you? You to move in with her? Live in separate homes and visit during the week? Share a home, one week on ,one week off? A long distance relationship where you both travel? A FWB? How much friend, and how much benefits? Will one outdo the other? (it happens quit frequently) Sex only just a hook up? Multiple partners? Allowed to date others? Or even have friends of the opposite sex? Are kids at home? Are they occasionally at home? Are they moved out of the nest? Whose $$$ for things? Shared costs? Which costs? Have a job? No time for dating? Lots of pets? No pets?Loves to travel? Wants to stay home? wants dinner, dancing, movies,concerts, bars, sports,drinking,hanging with friends, every night? (expects you to pay for it) Ready to discuss your ex? And your part in why it went wrong? And to listen to their story, and look for red flags? etc.....lots of preview questions from dating sites and meeting people to date, not just sex. If you could no longer have sex would you still want to be with this person? Would they want to be with you? How would you,and they, handle it? Welcome to opposite land! So here is how I would answer. What type of relationship are you looking for? Me? A healthy one. Her to move in with you? You to move in with her? Move in together! We are a couple. Live in separate homes and visit during the week? As it stands yes. Share a home, one week on ,one week off? Similar to what we do right now. A long distance relationship where you both travel? Nope. Not interested. A FWB? How much friend, and how much benefits? Will one outdo the other? (it happens quit frequently)No I wanted a real relationship Sex only just a hook up? No. Short term fix but no long term fulfilment Multiple partners? Allowed to date others? Or even have friends of the opposite sex? No to multiple partners and dating. Are kids at home? Are they occasionally at home? Are they moved out of the nest? Several kids in the mix. Whose $$$ for things? Shared costs? Which costs? Have a job? No time for dating? Shared costs and make time to date Lots of pets? No pets?Loves to travel? Wants to stay home? wants dinner, dancing, movies,concerts, bars, sports,drinking,hanging with friends, every night? (expects you to pay for it) No pets, no I won’t pay for everything. Ready to discuss your ex? And your part in why it went wrong? I choose to assess my mrs on how she is with me. That’s why I didn’t fully invest (still haven’t in terms of living arrangements) IF when we move in it suddenly changed (I seriously doubt it) I’d bin it off and she knows this and the same applies to me. If we are lying about who and what we are we both know it’s destined to fail. And to listen to their story, and look for red flags? Red flags are not something you need to look hard for. They reveal themselves very evidently. If someone is superb at hiding them and works hard not reveal them and then they appear when you move in….bye bye. Off I fuck. She knows this, the rules are the same for me.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 27, 2022 20:05:41 GMT -5
This article also makes me wonder if some of us will ever be ready for divorce. I can't imagine ever going through a divorce and then being good enough to date again, according to the standards of that article, so why should I leave? Who wants a 60 year old woman anyway? Screw it. Might as well just stay numb and coast toward death. In principle, I agree with the article, but in reality I can't imagine meeting all of those criteria ever. Do we have to be perfectly self actualized to be worthy of finding love? That's pretty damned impossible, I think. I found the article helpful and it mirrors my own process. It's important, I think, to distinguish what the article says, vs imputing what it says. I'd point out that "dating" is not the same as "finding love". "Are you ready to date?" has been a question I've encountered in my post-married single life. It's reasonable one to ask, and the answer really depends. I was open-hearted the whole time (perhaps too much) - but learned what's appropriate to share and show across a year or two, as well as improving a sense of the kind of partner I was likely to attract. Gradually I got better. Part of getting better was the result of me building a fulfilling life as a single man, and part of it was the result of learning lessons within the relationships I found. "Ready to date", for some people, means - do you have your shit together totally? Are you over your last person completely? Are you sad about your marriage? Do you have stories or anecdotes to share that did not happen in the context of a marriage or separation. Do you have anything established yet to bring to a relationship - interests, activities, a social life? These are for people who likely are only interested in immediately maximizing their long term relationship potential. "Ready to date" for other people, could also mean something more modest - not having time, privacy, focus, money for an all-in invested relationship, but still desiring company, activities, romantic or sexual attention. A lot of newly single people fit in this area. Also, sometimes people date for a year or two and break up - and immediately following this - may be in this stat. They may be stinging a bit, and feeling a need to enjoy a different person if only to symbolically feel they are moving forward (I like Nigella Lawson's description of a funeral luncheon, where the living traditionally eat, as a way of moving forward with life and separating from someone who will no longer join you in that).It takes time, following a relationship to be ready and open for a new fully invested relationship. I don't buy that people need to arrive fully re-forged and shiny out of the box to "deserve love" (besides, whatever you think you deserve from another has little bearing on defining their offer). I think that a lot of what MAKES you ready is learned through dating successes and mistakes, joys and heartbreaks - the patterns you notice and on which you seek to improve. I think of dating much as I do buying a lottery ticket, or in some ways, going to the gym, or maybe, charting a vacation. There's a combination of effort, mindfulness, luck that might result in the REAL THING - an "all in" invested relationship - but I don't necessarily start looking for someone to fill in the blank and become the dream version of my wife. Thank you for posting this. It's spot on for what I am going through, with my recovery from my first 3 yr relationship, after my divorce.. Stinging a bit and feeling the need for a different person ,or at least meeting people again. What's that old saying "you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince". Part of the on going healing and sorting. YOU can also give to someone else and receive as you both learn from each others past , present trials and victories. Why... just last night I went out on a date with a woman who has "problems"...(.more than has ever been posted on here) She said " I appreciate your honesty, and I'm learning a lot from you". While she changed my perspective on a few things too. WE where not a good match and I will be moving on. But I don't regret going on a friendly first date.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 27, 2022 20:17:37 GMT -5
That's GREAT news my friend!! Here's to new beginnings! Personally I am struggling with wondering if I am on the rebound and need more time to be able to feel at peace home alone again. This after coming home to my woman daily for 3 yrs, and waking up to her naked body next to me every day. Here are some "dating world questions" for you to think about: What type of relationship are you looking for? Her to move in with you? You to move in with her? Live in separate homes and visit during the week? Share a home, one week on ,one week off? A long distance relationship where you both travel? A FWB? How much friend, and how much benefits? Will one outdo the other? (it happens quit frequently) Sex only just a hook up? Multiple partners? Allowed to date others? Or even have friends of the opposite sex? Are kids at home? Are they occasionally at home? Are they moved out of the nest? Whose $$$ for things? Shared costs? Which costs? Have a job? No time for dating? Lots of pets? No pets?Loves to travel? Wants to stay home? wants dinner, dancing, movies,concerts, bars, sports,drinking,hanging with friends, every night? (expects you to pay for it) Ready to discuss your ex? And your part in why it went wrong? And to listen to their story, and look for red flags? etc.....lots of preview questions from dating sites and meeting people to date, not just sex. If you could no longer have sex would you still want to be with this person? Would they want to be with you? How would you,and they, handle it? Welcome to opposite land! So here is how I would answer. What type of relationship are you looking for? Me? A healthy one. Her to move in with you? You to move in with her? Move in together! We are a couple. Live in separate homes and visit during the week? As it stands yes. Share a home, one week on ,one week off? Similar to what we do right now. A long distance relationship where you both travel? Nope. Not interested. A FWB? How much friend, and how much benefits? Will one outdo the other? (it happens quit frequently)No I wanted a real relationship Sex only just a hook up? No. Short term fix but no long term fulfilment Multiple partners? Allowed to date others? Or even have friends of the opposite sex? No to multiple partners and dating. Are kids at home? Are they occasionally at home? Are they moved out of the nest? Several kids in the mix. Whose $$$ for things? Shared costs? Which costs? Have a job? No time for dating? Shared costs and make time to date Lots of pets? No pets?Loves to travel? Wants to stay home? wants dinner, dancing, movies,concerts, bars, sports,drinking,hanging with friends, every night? (expects you to pay for it) No pets, no I won’t pay for everything. Ready to discuss your ex? And your part in why it went wrong? I choose to assess my mrs on how she is with me. That’s why I didn’t fully invest (still haven’t in terms of living arrangements) IF when we move in it suddenly changed (I seriously doubt it) I’d bin it off and she knows this and the same applies to me. If we are lying about who and what we are we both know it’s destined to fail. And to listen to their story, and look for red flags? Red flags are not something you need to look hard for. They reveal themselves very evidently. If someone is superb at hiding them and works hard not reveal them and then they appear when you move in….bye bye. Off I fuck. She knows this, the rules are the same for me. Sounds like the two of you have given this much thought and solid ,trusting, communication! That's wonderful and healthy! (hope you liked those questions. They where meant to be helpful, not sarcastic) Keep us posted with refreshing, happy stories, of intimate, sexual,happy times together, and occasionally refer to how much better it is than anything you could have had in your SM!
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 27, 2022 20:45:52 GMT -5
So here is how I would answer. What type of relationship are you looking for? Me? A healthy one. Her to move in with you? You to move in with her? Move in together! We are a couple. Live in separate homes and visit during the week? As it stands yes. Share a home, one week on ,one week off? Similar to what we do right now. A long distance relationship where you both travel? Nope. Not interested. A FWB? How much friend, and how much benefits? Will one outdo the other? (it happens quit frequently)No I wanted a real relationship Sex only just a hook up? No. Short term fix but no long term fulfilment Multiple partners? Allowed to date others? Or even have friends of the opposite sex? No to multiple partners and dating. Are kids at home? Are they occasionally at home? Are they moved out of the nest? Several kids in the mix. Whose $$$ for things? Shared costs? Which costs? Have a job? No time for dating? Shared costs and make time to date Lots of pets? No pets?Loves to travel? Wants to stay home? wants dinner, dancing, movies,concerts, bars, sports,drinking,hanging with friends, every night? (expects you to pay for it) No pets, no I won’t pay for everything. Ready to discuss your ex? And your part in why it went wrong? I choose to assess my mrs on how she is with me. That’s why I didn’t fully invest (still haven’t in terms of living arrangements) IF when we move in it suddenly changed (I seriously doubt it) I’d bin it off and she knows this and the same applies to me. If we are lying about who and what we are we both know it’s destined to fail. And to listen to their story, and look for red flags? Red flags are not something you need to look hard for. They reveal themselves very evidently. If someone is superb at hiding them and works hard not reveal them and then they appear when you move in….bye bye. Off I fuck. She knows this, the rules are the same for me. Sounds like the two of you have given this much thought and solid ,trusting, communication! That's wonderful and healthy! (hope you liked those questions. They where meant to be helpful, not sarcastic) Keep us posted with refreshing, happy stories, of intimate, sexual,happy times together, and occasionally refer to how much better it is than anything you could have had in your SM! I insisted on a cards on the table conversation fairly early on when I realised I really liked her. What brought more of a smile to me was that she insisted on the same conversation. Together we are extremely solid in my opinion. There is the small matter of children on both sides that sometimes complicates certain areas of our relationship however, if you seek absolute perfection on every single level, you’ll be looking for 10 lifetimes without finding. In a few ways we have it more difficult then a lot of people but it’s her choice and it’s my choice to move forward together. She’s been cheated on, I’ve been cheated on and thus we know what that feels like. I’ve been been in an SM (she hasn’t) but I have felt enough trust to tell her exactly how it made me feel and I’ve been honest enough to tell her that if she made the choice to pull the plug, I’d be gone. But her attitude is the same as her libido is high and much like me, it’s a hugely important part of a relationship to her. Have to say, if you gave me the option to rewind and go back with my ex, even if the sex tap got turned back on and the cheating was erased, I wouldn’t even hesitate in saying absolutely no way. My current girl knows how to treat me but equally she knows how to be treated (as in she is actually really appreciative of what I do and who I am). I could have shifted a mountain for my ex and she either would have assumed the effort made to have been what she was entitled to or she may have even found fault in where the mountain had been shifted to. There is a world of difference between my ex and my partner as people but this type scenario is true for every single person on this site. It’s merely about living through those initial stages of the marriage breakdown.
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 28, 2022 5:51:09 GMT -5
... I’ve been been in an SM (she hasn’t) but I have felt enough trust to tell her exactly how it made me feel and I’ve been honest enough to tell her that if she made the choice to pull the plug, I’d be gone... Like GreatCoastal, I appreciate your reports from opposite land as well as those from everyone else having escaped their SM via outsourcing or divorce. The adamant insistence that coupledom requires sexuality is a good one to convey. Your disclosure; that if it stops, you leave, is honest and it's agreeable reception is good to hear. Thing is, spouses can change their minds and... yet, you're still a couple in everyone else's eyes and even our own. Your barrage of answers to the barrage of questions included the one where you seemed to indicate living together was a foregone conclusion. I share your sentiment. It conveyed, to me, a sense of not just who you are, but what. "We are a couple". The cohabitation making you a couple has so much to do with the strength of sexless marriages. The "we" part. "We" can be inexplicably become the definition of ourselves, obscuring the "I". "We" is a generous word, "I" the selfish one, yet the latter is what removes us from SMs (in rare cases, benefitting and restoring the "we"). Pleasant co-dependency allows sexless marriages to continue and the resolve to break up a high functioning non sexual partnership can be like chewing off a limb. For some of us, that is. Not that I speak from personal experience or anything. Nah, I'm a cold slab of granite, yup, that's me. If marriage is actually agreed to, that whole "I get some or I go" pledge can be a slow grind and come at a steep price in time, treasure, and social maneuvering. Pre-nups are too often ignored by courts, so there's no help there. Cohabitation that lasts more than a couple years has been conflated with marriage with "palimony" having been invented to stop anyone from leaving their lovers without an uppercut to the wallet. At a minimum, if I were to need to leave my wife and I were to grow close with someone and wish to express my commitment to her welfare, I'd be telling her that the "forsake all others" vow is not going to leave my lips. Maybe the wallet will remain in danger, but my honor will not be threatened a second time. I will not make that promise before witnesses ever again. Call me cynical, but I find it ill-advised for anyone to say it. Absent that vow, is the marriage no longer desirable? That would say volumes.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 28, 2022 8:10:52 GMT -5
... I’ve been been in an SM (she hasn’t) but I have felt enough trust to tell her exactly how it made me feel and I’ve been honest enough to tell her that if she made the choice to pull the plug, I’d be gone... Like GreatCoastal, I appreciate your reports from opposite land as well as those from everyone else having escaped their SM via outsourcing or divorce. The adamant insistence that coupledom requires sexuality is a good one to convey. Your disclosure; that if it stops, you leave, is honest and it's agreeable reception is good to hear. Thing is, spouses can change their minds and... yet, you're still a couple in everyone else's eyes and even our own. Your barrage of answers to the barrage of questions included the one where you seemed to indicate living together was a foregone conclusion. I share your sentiment. It conveyed, to me, a sense of not just who you are, but what. "We are a couple". The cohabitation making you a couple has so much to do with the strength of sexless marriages. The "we" part. "We" can be inexplicably become the definition of ourselves, obscuring the "I". "We" is a generous word, "I" the selfish one, yet the latter is what removes us from SMs (in rare cases, benefitting and restoring the "we"). Pleasant co-dependency allows sexless marriages to continue and the resolve to break up a high functioning non sexual partnership can be like chewing off a limb. For some of us, that is. Not that I speak from personal experience or anything. Nah, I'm a cold slab of granite, yup, that's me. If marriage is actually agreed to, that whole "I get some or I go" pledge can be a slow grind and come at a steep price in time, treasure, and social maneuvering. Pre-nups are too often ignored by courts, so there's no help there. Cohabitation that lasts more than a couple years has been conflated with marriage with "palimony" having been invented to stop anyone from leaving their lovers without an uppercut to the wallet. At a minimum, if I were to need to leave my wife and I were to grow close with someone and wish to express my commitment to her welfare, I'd be telling her that the "forsake all others" vow is not going to leave my lips. Maybe the wallet will remain in danger, but my honor will not be threatened a second time. I will not make that promise before witnesses ever again. Call me cynical, but I find it ill-advised for anyone to say it. Absent that vow, is the marriage no longer desirable? That would say volumes. Regarding the cohabiting, I’ve already specified to my mrs that there would be a declaration of trust signed in order for me to use any of my remaining wealth to purchase a house (when we are in that position albeit, no rush). I offer her exactly the same right and I will sign it willingly and even if I stood to take more from her my attitude wouldn’t budge. You ring fence yours, I’ll ring fence mine. I won’t be having kids and therefore that tie won’t ever exist. Marriage. Now that’s a hard one. I guess after living together for a few years and red flags not appearing it’s possible but there would be a signed legal document covering the protection of personal wealth. Prenup’s in the uk tend to stand strong from what I know unless… A new child is brought in to the mix (not happening) or there is a massive massive difference in wealth between the respecting parties (like millions).
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 28, 2022 8:22:57 GMT -5
... I’ve been been in an SM (she hasn’t) but I have felt enough trust to tell her exactly how it made me feel and I’ve been honest enough to tell her that if she made the choice to pull the plug, I’d be gone... Like GreatCoastal, I appreciate your reports from opposite land as well as those from everyone else having escaped their SM via outsourcing or divorce. The adamant insistence that coupledom requires sexuality is a good one to convey. Your disclosure; that if it stops, you leave, is honest and it's agreeable reception is good to hear. Thing is, spouses can change their minds and... yet, you're still a couple in everyone else's eyes and even our own. Your barrage of answers to the barrage of questions included the one where you seemed to indicate living together was a foregone conclusion. I share your sentiment. It conveyed, to me, a sense of not just who you are, but what. "We are a couple". The cohabitation making you a couple has so much to do with the strength of sexless marriages. The "we" part. "We" can be inexplicably become the definition of ourselves, obscuring the "I". "We" is a generous word, "I" the selfish one, yet the latter is what removes us from SMs (in rare cases, benefitting and restoring the "we"). Pleasant co-dependency allows sexless marriages to continue and the resolve to break up a high functioning non sexual partnership can be like chewing off a limb. For some of us, that is. Not that I speak from personal experience or anything. Nah, I'm a cold slab of granite, yup, that's me. If marriage is actually agreed to, that whole "I get some or I go" pledge can be a slow grind and come at a steep price in time, treasure, and social maneuvering. Pre-nups are too often ignored by courts, so there's no help there. Cohabitation that lasts more than a couple years has been conflated with marriage with "palimony" having been invented to stop anyone from leaving their lovers without an uppercut to the wallet. At a minimum, if I were to need to leave my wife and I were to grow close with someone and wish to express my commitment to her welfare, I'd be telling her that the "forsake all others" vow is not going to leave my lips. Maybe the wallet will remain in danger, but my honor will not be threatened a second time. I will not make that promise before witnesses ever again. Call me cynical, but I find it ill-advised for anyone to say it. Absent that vow, is the marriage no longer desirable? That would say volumes. Regarding the cohabiting, I’ve already specified to my mrs that there would be a declaration of trust signed in order for me to use any of my remaining wealth to purchase a house (when we are in that position albeit, no rush). I offer her exactly the same right and I will sign it willingly and even if I stood to take more from her my attitude wouldn’t budge. You ring fence yours, I’ll ring fence mine. I won’t be having kids and therefore that tie won’t ever exist. Marriage. Now that’s a hard one. I guess after living together for a few years and red flags not appearing it’s possible but there would be a signed legal document covering the protection of personal wealth. Prenup’s in the uk tend to stand strong from what I know unless… A new child is brought in to the mix (not happening) or there is a massive massive difference in wealth between the respective parties (like millions).
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