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Post by saarinista on Oct 14, 2020 21:59:36 GMT -5
I've repulsed saaranista and other ladies here. They can handle it. Look. Guys. Have you never heard of someone trying to poke you to get a response? I mean, what do you guys want? solitarysoul says he's here for affirmation that it's fine for him to accept his hopelessness; his vies that he is indeed repulsive. So I affirm that for him, and he acts hurt. Perhaps he really wants someone to tell him there's hope. lwoetin you've never repulsed me in any way. I don't even know you guys. Anyway what does it matter what I think? I'm a reasonably well preserved 60 year old woman whose husband won't fuck her! Who am I to judge? Who is ANYONE to judge? Ever heard of a thing called reverse psychology? |
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Post by jerri on Oct 14, 2020 22:05:53 GMT -5
Nope...she was right... I am horrible...and women are always repulsed by me... They just use me to their advantage... I don't know why I am here... It's clear I have given up... It doesn't matter what others think. Don't allow others to be the yardstick that measures our worth!
I enjoyed this board a lot more 5 years ago... now to move on to things not involving sex... Start new tomorrow. It's up to us to set our boundaries. You were doing just fine letting us know what you wanted. Acceptance for who you are. Everyone has such different personalities that we will see differences at times. We are just not always going to be perfect. We also have our flaws.I can see why you stayed in and accept your fate. But I really believe there is someone for everyone. So what if in time when it's a little safer, why not go out and have female fellowship? What about church? Meditation meetings? Martial arts? Hiking with the Sierra club? |
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 15, 2020 6:29:23 GMT -5
Why torture yourself thinking of what might have been, solitarysoul ? I really have no desire to meet you because you sound horrible. I'm sure other women would be repulsed, too, from the way you talk. Don't take that the wrong way. I'm just saying that I think you might be happier if you just stop thinking about sex and what might have been. Clearly, you're meant to always be alone. You've decided it already. And maybe that even means this isn't the right forum for you. I don't say that to push you away. I'm still just not clear why you're here. 🤷♀️ Fair enough... I even repulse women here... I guess coming back was a bad idea. I won't do this any longer. Sorry for messing up the board. I beg to differ, sir. Your situation is a Gordian knot inviting help to untie or cut it. That offers something unusual here. It lends interest, even if it's a sad thing for you to be the one bringing it to us to ponder. I also note you missed the part where she said: "Don't take that the wrong way." Hard to make someone not get floored by a pretty aggressive comment. "The way you talk", may have a lot to do with the destroyed ego of yours. One you think is well-deserved. One society often encourages. Sad part is, I suspect that condemnation is meant to beat down overconfident shmucks who take what they want and care nothing for others. Some of those guys go on to re-offend. That same condemnation so ineffective for the brutes has beaten you into pulp so you can't get off the floor. You seem to drip with remorse. Okay, we get it. You're ready to be the kind of guy welcome in society but your label makes a good first impression really hard. Seems a shame for you to leave when you're interested in fixing things. You answer our questions thoughtfully, and seem appreciative of our input. That doesn't "mess up" boards, from the way I see it. You said you shouldn't discuss your marriage because your wife hasn't met the therapist. You weren't' clear if the therapist refuses to discuss your marriage or the wife has forbidden you? I find that troubling. A life is like a car. Your therapist is a mechanic. You've been told to have the mechanic look at the engine. It's okay to look over the cooling system, electrical systems, and the brakes, but under no circumstances should the mechanic be poking around with suspension. Hm. If there are problems with multiple systems, they can interact and if you insist on leaving one part of a complex problem broken, it may be that the entire system cannot be fixed. The therapists assignment is to bring you serenity and a functional psyche. But don't fix your marital relationship. Any therapist, or just about any person at all, should tilt their head to the side and say "Huh?" The legal condition is a bit out of scope. Not to say we couldn't figure something out, but I figured it may be covered ground. Found this: www.fairshake.net/sex-offenses-2/I've not looked at any of the links. But maybe there's something in them about how to address social issues to make the first impression go as well as it can? |
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Post by jerri on Oct 15, 2020 7:54:35 GMT -5
I wrote you. If you want some friends select the ones you like and write them in the background.
Write one of us. There was nothing repulsive about you. Just because you say you are doesn't mean you are. We think no one would ever want us when maybe we should see ourself as we see others. It reminds me of the Dove commercial where people would have the artist draw ugly pictures of themselves when complete stranger saw them very different.
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Post by lessingham on Oct 16, 2020 4:53:22 GMT -5
The worst thing is living with the feeling of being repulsive. I suspect it can be a result of sexless marriage, so ugly even our partners will not have sex with us. And it is a useful leash for those partners as we are convinced we are too ugly to stray.
But here this is not a dating site so I do not think any one here gives a flying fig about our self imposed repulsiveness. What I think does annoy them is the A plus B plus C equals D problem. We arrive with our problems and get some wise advice. "Do A, B and C and all will be well, D. We go away, return and proudly say" we did A and B! " what about C? We go away and return to announce" we did A C and F!! " Eventually we get a full on slap down of exasperation.
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Post by jerri on Oct 16, 2020 5:49:46 GMT -5
Hard to get over. The one I love says he is not stimulated by me. I cried for weeks then fell into depression. Then I just didn't care if he left me. I couldn't go without sex for the rest of my life.
F Forward twenty years. It still stings because when he did want to have sex because of covid. I just couldn't keep him hard. It was the first time he didn't blame me. What if I had nothing to compare him to? I would think I was useless and ugly!
Sexless married man wants the lights on, and if they are dimmed he turns on the lamp to see how much cream is forming. Just has to see if I was turned on. My guess is he is damaged too! He's always looking at my eyes for feedback. Wow.
((((Tight 💜 hugs))))
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2020 6:40:16 GMT -5
The worst thing is living with the feeling of being repulsive. I suspect it can be a result of sexless marriage, so ugly even our partners will not have sex with us. And it is a useful leash for those partners as we are convinced we are too ugly to stray. But here this is not a dating site so I do not think any one here gives a flying fig about our self imposed repulsiveness. What I think does annoy them is the A plus B plus C equals D problem. We arrive with our problems and get some wise advice. "Do A, B and C and all will be well, D. We go away, return and proudly say" we did A and B! " what about C? We go away and return to announce" we did A C and F!! " Eventually we get a full on slap down of exasperation.
You're right, self doubt is a strong leash that binds one to a SM. It's much easier to make a giant leap when one knows the landing will be soft.
When you're given nothing but negative feedback for years from the person that promised to love you forever, it makes you feel like a change would be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. Right now I personally am afraid to jump because of the fire. I need to get to the point where I realize an unknown chance of jumping into the fire is better than a 100% chance of being stuck in the frying pan.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 16, 2020 8:52:28 GMT -5
If one ever gets to the point where you know you’d be happier living forever single than with your mate you will take the leap and leave your mate. To do that, you have to be content with your own company. You have to treat yourself better and regard yourself better than your mate does.
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grower
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Post by grower on Oct 16, 2020 10:19:19 GMT -5
Wow, I just thought my W didn't enjoy sex, or me. But maybe I'm repulsive
to the whole gender, maybe the world. Go to my walmart there are 247 types of repulsive and
a lot of them are probably having sex, with there spouse even. I am an optimist
at heart, and am thankful for each and every day I get, SM or not. I think one
of the major downfalls of my SM is that my W is a pessimist, and each possible
negative thing or thought, just ate away at my soul. There are always negative
possibilities, so should just stay in the same old shit hole? We each have
to sleep in the beds, couch maybe that we have made. Or you can get rid of it
and take a chance on something new. No guarantees in life. you come in with
nothing and go out the same way. Happy Friday, have a great weekend, don't
wallow in despair,or self pity. do some thing fun. Sorry for being such an
optimist ass hole, It's hard not to be, I'm getting divorced and getting laid.
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Post by Handy on Oct 16, 2020 10:39:04 GMT -5
Solitarysoul asked: Is it safe?
Solitarysoul, yes it is safe but you have to accept thaat other people have a different OPINION than you have. One thing to always consider is the idea of "take what you can use and leave behind the ideas and suggestions you can;t use right now.
Looking for advice that fits your mental or situational circumstances all of the time is not realistic. It tends to keep people stuck in the same rut. I didn't read about anyone asking or suggesting that you do anything drastic. Some people did suggest they had similar thoughts or feelings similar to yours but saw some value in the proposed suggestions maybe at some later date.
Doom and gloom tend to keep people stuck in bad situations. Sometimes knowing or hearing about someone else's success can improve your outlook on life. The forum can present those suggestions. What you do with with the information is up to you.
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Post by lwoetin on Oct 16, 2020 23:49:28 GMT -5
I've repulsed saaranista and other ladies here. They can handle it. Look. Guys. Have you never heard of someone trying to poke you to get a response? I mean, what do you guys want? solitarysoul says he's here for affirmation that it's fine for him to accept his hopelessness; his vies that he is indeed repulsive. So I affirm that for him, and he acts hurt. Perhaps he really wants someone to tell him there's hope. lwoetin you've never repulsed me in any way. I don't even know you guys. Anyway what does it matter what I think? I'm a reasonably well preserved 60 year old woman whose husband won't fuck her! Who am I to judge? Who is ANYONE to judge? Ever heard of a thing called reverse psychology? saaranista. I am happy that you are not repulsed by us. You are actually the only female here that writes to me. I do feel bad when I do repulse others. There was the occasion I was walking by a hot female. And like Lenny and Squiggy, I wanted to just gnaw at my hands as she passed by. Anyway, she turned her face in disgust. But she tripped a little because she wasn't looking straight ahead. So I felt bad I almost caused her to fall. My co-worker goes out with his buddy to bars and this friend of his goes straight up to women and asks one after another if they want to fuck. He repulses a lot of women but he always leaves the place with one. My daughter is in college and was ranting about how guys would talk to her, tell her they're from this so so frat, and then ask if she wants to have sex. She feels disrespected and sad about it. I tell her to study hard. Different forms of repulsive is quite common unfortunately |
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Post by ScottDinTN on Oct 17, 2020 5:46:05 GMT -5
Is this site safe?
Depends on your definition. Will everyone agree with you without question, no. Will most support your decision but challenge you from time to time, yes. Maybe the better question is , Is this site healthy? My answer would be yes. Its good to have our viewd challenged from time to time while mostly receiving suppport.
I was on the deadbed reddit forum before coming here. I remember mentioning once that I was staying for now in some post. I was shocked at how the vultures circled and treated me like I was a bad parent for staying. They acted like I was emotionally disfunctional for even considering it. I had to delete my posts to stop them from attacking me. So, this place has been a big difference for me.
There is one aspect to this site that is not safe, like anywhere on the internet, it is public. I don't share everything because I keep in mind that there could be a private detective looking for my online comments some day to use against me in divorce court. Maybe I'm a bit paranoid but I play it safe until that time has passed.
This is a good place to get things off my chest when I need. I find support and understanding here from most people. I expect I'd get a kick in the pants if I was doing something downright stupid. I think this balance is healthy. Its why I stay.
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